I need More Help Than Luissa

[Samson]

Get your daughter to catch it...she probably would have had it back it its cage in the first five minutes.

Tried.

She has this weird fear of sticking her hand into dark holes that might harbor inhospitable rodents.


*****waits for all the Richard Gere/Fisting comments to arise from the peanut gallery*****

 

[Luissa]

I'm in my office which has a built in bookcase, and a Hamster Cage, and my son's Hamster (creatively named "Hammy").

I plucked Hammy from his cage.

He jumped from my hand and landed on my foot.

Then he crawled into the woodwork of the bookcase.

How do I retrieve the Fucking Hamster? (ALIVE)

****amputation is NOT an option****

peanut butter maybe.
And no one needs more help than me.

 

[L.K.Eder]

Get your daughter to catch it...she probably would have had it back it its cage in the first five minutes.

Tried.

She has this weird fear of sticking her hand into dark holes that might harbor inhospitable rodents.


*****waits for all the Richard Gere/Fisting comments to arise from the peanut gallery*****

 

[WillowTree]

I'm in my office which has a built in bookcase, and a Hamster Cage, and my son's Hamster (creatively named "Hammy").

I plucked Hammy from his cage.

He jumped from my hand and landed on my foot.

Then he crawled into the woodwork of the bookcase.

How do I retrieve the Fucking Hamster? (ALIVE)

****amputation is NOT an option****

To catch your hamster you need an empty, tall kitchen trash can, a board that is a little longer than the can is tall, a piece of flexible cardboard, a piece of tape and some good bait food. Carrot works well. Set the trash can close to where you last saw the hamster. Use the board to make a ramp to the top of the can. Tape the cardboard to the rim of the can so that it's stable close to the edge but will bend downward under the weight of a hamster. Put a few very TINY pieces of bait on the ramp leading up to the edge and out onto the cardboard. Take all other food away. You should be able to retreive your hamster as soon as he gets hungry. Good luck.

I'm dying (pardon the pun) to know if this works.

 

[Coyote]

The hamster is probably in your HVAC ductwork by now.

I suspect my Pakistani neighbors might be harboring him because they sympathise with his Radical Anti-Samson Hatred.

Marcus err Sampson you are in trouble now.
Hammy will be sent home with a little hamster bomb vest on.

Sounds like he has Hamas Hamster on his hands....

 

[Zoom-boing]

I'm in my office which has a built in bookcase, and a Hamster Cage, and my son's Hamster (creatively named "Hammy").

I plucked Hammy from his cage.

He jumped from my hand and landed on my foot.

Then he crawled into the woodwork of the bookcase.

How do I retrieve the Fucking Hamster? (ALIVE)

****amputation is NOT an option****

What does this mean?

 

[Samson]

Then he crawled into the woodwork of the bookcase.

quote]

What does this mean?

The bookcase is built into the wall. the bottom cabinets don't rest directly on the floor so their doors can open. The whole thing is held off the floor with a 2" running board along the base. Behind this board is space underneath the cabinets. It is here where Hammy is Hiding.

 

[Samson]

I'm in my office which has a built in bookcase, and a Hamster Cage, and my son's Hamster (creatively named "Hammy").

I plucked Hammy from his cage.

He jumped from my hand and landed on my foot.

Then he crawled into the woodwork of the bookcase.

How do I retrieve the Fucking Hamster? (ALIVE)

****amputation is NOT an option****

To catch your hamster you need an empty, tall kitchen trash can, a board that is a little longer than the can is tall, a piece of flexible cardboard, a piece of tape and some good bait food. Carrot works well. Set the trash can close to where you last saw the hamster. Use the board to make a ramp to the top of the can. Tape the cardboard to the rim of the can so that it's stable close to the edge but will bend downward under the weight of a hamster. Put a few very TINY pieces of bait on the ramp leading up to the edge and out onto the cardboard. Take all other food away. You should be able to retreive your hamster as soon as he gets hungry. Good luck.

I'm dying (pardon the pun) to know if this works.

We're doing it tonight.

We call it "Operation Osama Bin Hammy."

 

[Samson]

Last night at a little after 2100 hrs, Sargent Schultz and I prepared the "tipped over trash can" trap.

We ramped up to the lip of the can with books, overlayed with the high-tech-super hamster-grip material: newspaper.

At the end of the ramp, hanging over the lip of the trash can we placed a few cut baby carrots and a couple of pistachios.

I checked the trap at 0100 hrs this morning: Nothing


Checked it again at 0600 hrs......nada.

Today I've called in extra troops. Daughter is home from school (sick) and "Bored." I'm thinking she may be in enough of a state of lassitude that she will join Our Coalition and stick her hand under the bookcase.......

 

[Coyote]

Last night at a little after 2100 hrs, Sargent Schultz and I prepared the "tipped over trash can" trap.

We ramped up to the lip of the can with books, overlayed with the high-tech-super hamster-grip material: newspaper.

At the end of the ramp, hanging over the lip of the trash can we placed a few cut baby carrots and a couple of pistachios.

I checked the trap at 0100 hrs this morning: Nothing


Checked it again at 0600 hrs......nada.

Today I've called in extra troops. Daughter is home from school (sick) and "Bored." I'm thinking she may be in enough of a state of lassitude that she will join Our Coalition and stick her hand under the bookcase.......

There is only one conclusion. Osama bin Hammy can't be operating alone. He has to be receiving help. Is it possible you have a rodent insurgency going on?

 

[Zoom-boing]

Then he crawled into the woodwork of the bookcase.

quote]

What does this mean?

The bookcase is built into the wall. the bottom cabinets don't rest directly on the floor so their doors can open. The whole thing is held off the floor with a 2" running board along the base. Behind this board is space underneath the cabinets. It is here where Hammy is Hiding.

Thanks. Can you see into this space with the help of a flashlight? If so, can you see the little guy? You could extend a vacuum hose into there and suck him up but that is probably a stupid idea, nevermind. Can you take the bottom piece of wood off the cabinet? We had a hamster named Samster once. He got out of his cage and drowned int he sump pump water. He was Russian and nasty and liked to bite us.

 

[L.K.Eder]

Last night at a little after 2100 hrs, Sargent Schultz and I prepared the "tipped over trash can" trap.

We ramped up to the lip of the can with books, overlayed with the high-tech-super hamster-grip material: newspaper.

At the end of the ramp, hanging over the lip of the trash can we placed a few cut baby carrots and a couple of pistachios.

I checked the trap at 0100 hrs this morning: Nothing


Checked it again at 0600 hrs......nada.

Today I've called in extra troops. Daughter is home from school (sick) and "Bored." I'm thinking she may be in enough of a state of lassitude that she will join Our Coalition and stick her hand under the bookcase.......

most probably your wanted delinquent is already dead. i guess CoD was kidney failure. open the windows for a month to counter the sickly-sweet smell emanating from your bookcase and buy your daughter a real pet:











a gerbil.

 

[Samson]

There is only one conclusion. Osama bin Hammy can't be operating alone. He has to be receiving help. Is it possible you have a rodent insurgency going on?

We have solid reports of other rodents in the area that could be assisting OBH.

Last night I took some potatoes out of the pantry, and I shit-you-not, something had chewed on one end of one potato....and the chew-marks were...... STILL WET!!!

Oddly, the kitchen is nowhere near my office. Osama bin Hammy would have had to travel about 80 feet to get to the pantry to find the potato.

 

[Zoom-boing]

There is only one conclusion. Osama bin Hammy can't be operating alone. He has to be receiving help. Is it possible you have a rodent insurgency going on?

We have solid reports of other rodents in the area that could be assisting OBH.

Last night I took some potatoes out of the pantry, and I shit-you-not, something had chewed on one end of one potato....and the chew-marks were...... STILL WET!!!

Oddly, the kitchen is nowhere near my office. Osama bin Hammy would have had to travel about 80 feet to get to the pantry to find the potato.

The most cunning hamsters use tunnels. I think you have a cunning hamster.

 

[L.K.Eder]

There is only one conclusion. Osama bin Hammy can't be operating alone. He has to be receiving help. Is it possible you have a rodent insurgency going on?

We have solid reports of other rodents in the area that could be assisting OBH.

Last night I took some potatoes out of the pantry, and I shit-you-not, something had chewed on one end of one potato....and the chew-marks were...... STILL WET!!!

Oddly, the kitchen is nowhere near my office. Osama bin Hammy would have had to travel about 80 feet to get to the pantry to find the potato.

someone should check if ratovan karatzic is still in his cell in scheveningen.




okay that was forced, and bad.

 

[Samson]

most probably your wanted delinquent is already dead. i guess CoD was kidney failure. open the windows for a month to counter the sickly-sweet smell emanating from your bookcase and buy your daughter a real pet:

a gerbil.

I wish I could get the opinion of a Vet.

There are no noxious odors. The Public really probably won't believe he's dead unless they actually see the body.

I'm reluctant to make any premature announcements that would allow for A Rash of Conspiracy Theorist.

 

[Samson]

Thanks. Can you see into this space with the help of a flashlight? If so, can you see the little guy? You could extend a vacuum hose into there and suck him up but that is probably a stupid idea, nevermind. Can you take the bottom piece of wood off the cabinet? We had a hamster named Samster once. He got out of his cage and drowned int he sump pump water. He was Russian and nasty and liked to bite us.

No, the angle doesn't allow for a flashlight's beam to penetrate Osama bin Hammy's Lair.

Same problem with the vacuum....

also, The Coalition Force has proven to be wussy, refusing to do anything until Hot Chocolate is provided, and then only mildly shaking the box of Hamster Food to entice him to reveal himself.

I've considered sawing a hole through the inner wall of the cabinet.....

 

[L.K.Eder]

Thanks. Can you see into this space with the help of a flashlight? If so, can you see the little guy? You could extend a vacuum hose into there and suck him up but that is probably a stupid idea, nevermind. Can you take the bottom piece of wood off the cabinet? We had a hamster named Samster once. He got out of his cage and drowned int he sump pump water. He was Russian and nasty and liked to bite us.

No, the angle doesn't allow for a flashlight's beam to penetrate Osama bin Hammy's Lair.

Same problem with the vacuum....

also, The Coalition Force has proven to be wussy, refusing to do anything until Hot Chocolate is provided, and then only mildly shaking the box of Hamster Food to entice him to reveal himself.

I've considered sawing a hole through the inner wall of the cabinet.....

at this point you are probably forced to nuke the office of your neighbor across the street.


or buy a gerbil.

 

[Samson]

someone should check if ratovan karatzic is still in his cell in scheveningen.

okay that was forced, and bad.

Damn it!

This is a SERIOUS THREAD!!!!

We cannot afford to lose topicality, even for ONE INSTANT!!


******hammers out protest to USMA Administration******

 

[L.K.Eder]

someone should check if ratovan karatzic is still in his cell in scheveningen.

okay that was forced, and bad.

Damn it!

This is a SERIOUS THREAD!!!!

We cannot afford to lose topicality, even for ONE INSTANT!!


******hammers out protest to USMA Administration******

dude, relax, i am just trying to help. having a hungry cetnik leader on the lam in your pantry pillaging potatoes can lead to ugly encounters. but i checked, karatdzic is locked up. but RATko Mladic is not. call security.