Zone1 Guy Stories

[ChemEngineer]

I am the youngest of four children, and my older brother quit high school to join the Marines.
He loved to tell stories and this is one. He went to bars to drink and fight, I guess. One night he was soused and took a roundhouse swing at what he called an "anchor clanker."

The sailor backed up and caught my brother as he was about to fall to the floor. My brother says he looked up at this big sailor and said, "Don't you hit me, you big sonofabitch."

And the sailor saw no need to hit him. My brother often said, "I let my alligator mouth write checks my chickenshit ass could not cash."

Only guys could find amusement in such tales, I suspect. Women would simply shake their heads in wonder.

I have another, but first yours.....

 

[BULLDOG]

I am the youngest of four children, and my older brother quit high school to join the Marines.
He loved to tell stories and this is one. He went to bars to drink and fight, I guess. One night he was soused and took a roundhouse swing at what he called an "anchor clanker."

The sailor backed up and caught my brother as he was about to fall to the floor. My brother says he looked up at this big sailor and said, "Don't you hit me, you big sonofabitch."

And the sailor saw no need to hit him. My brother often said, "I let my alligator mouth write checks my chickenshit ass could not cash."

Only guys could find amusement in such tales, I suspect. Women would simply shake their heads in wonder.

I have another, but first yours.....

So he was an idiot. Where is the funny part?

 

[ChemEngineer]

My wife planned a six-week trip through Europe with our two daughters, then 10 and 15.
At the island of Santorini, Greece, she said, "Let's go watch the sunset from the rocks over the ocean."
We walked there and found a lovely spot and sat down.
Twenty-five feet away were two American boys, early twenties, and their American girlfriends. The boys were talking the most vulgar, inappropriate language possible. It doesn't bear repeating.

I thought for just a moment about how best to protect my young daughters and wife and launched.

"If you two don't shut that up, I will come down there and shut you up."

Reply: "Why were you listening to us?"

"It's pretty hard to ignore you when you're so close and talking out loud. Now if you don't shut that up, I will come over there and hurt you."

They shut up.

It is a lesson they will not forget, and I don't think my daughters will either.
Comes a time when a man needs to stand up for his beloved family, come what may. It was easier for them, in the wrong, to back down, than it was for me.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog, and I had plenty in me that day.

Gentlemen, stand up when you should and you will not regret it.

 

[eagle1462010]

A farmer kept being told to help people out in town. Do more for the community.

Well one day a bus full of politicians crashed in his field.

Here was his chance to help out. So off he went.

Police show up and asked what happened. He explained and said he buried the politicians

Officer said You buried them. Were theu all dead.

Farmer said some of them said they werent dead but you know how politicians Lie.

 

[ChemEngineer]

I wrote a one-sentence letter to my oldest of two brothers some years ago.

It said "Mom likes me better than you."

That was it.

A few days later, I called him halfway across the U.S. to get his reaction.
He laughed and said, "Yes she does!"

Well, I took her to Europe, Hawaii several times, Florida and a Caribbean Cruise to Nassau, Puerto Rico and Martinique. Gave her money and lots of attention and help. She had good reason to like me more, dontcha know. Besides, it's just a joke.

 

[ChemEngineer]

So my neighbor sez to me, he sez, "You are very erudite."

I done answered him, "What does that mean?"