Zone1 This is an ethics quandary need help!

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

So I find myself in a bad situation. My brother recently passed away tragically and unexpectedly. He was a troubled soul. Evidently he had a mistress of 10 years. Evidently this was common knowledge amongst everyone in the family except for me. I do not live in the same area as my family and am considered a bit of a boy scout. I am content to hunt, fish, golf and stay in my own lane. This lady (the mistress)some how learned of my brothers death and some how found my phone number. So surprise surprise now I know about it. She is wanting to know when the services are. I make some phone calls asking the family what the hell? Not wanting to give out the information to the mistress I don't, I stall. First my family is angry with me for asking about this. I am now stuck with telling this lady she can not come. Obviously there is something wrong with being a mistress but she is human and Obviously feeling loss. How do I break it to her that she can not come. My mother has money and influence it could actually be dangerous for this lady to show up. How do I break this to the lady while being sensitive to her feelings and yet make sure absolutely does not show up?

Tell her that the family does not want here there, and that overrides her needs.

Do not become advocate for her in anyway. It is not your problem.

 

[HaShev]

So I find myself in a bad situation. My brother recently passed away tragically and unexpectedly. He was a troubled soul. Evidently he had a mistress of 10 years. Evidently this was common knowledge amongst everyone in the family except for me. I do not live in the same area as my family and am considered a bit of a boy scout. I am content to hunt, fish, golf and stay in my own lane. This lady (the mistress)some how learned of my brothers death and some how found my phone number. So surprise surprise now I know about it. She is wanting to know when the services are. I make some phone calls asking the family what the hell? Not wanting to give out the information to the mistress I don't, I stall. First my family is angry with me for asking about this. I am now stuck with telling this lady she can not come. Obviously there is something wrong with being a mistress but she is human and Obviously feeling loss. How do I break it to her that she can not come. My mother has money and influence it could actually be dangerous for this lady to show up. How do I break this to the lady while being sensitive to her feelings and yet make sure absolutely does not show up?

Just tell her she's welcome to pay respect after the ceremony when family is not around, she'll understand and it avoids that awkward and insensitive confrontation. Find out the time it will run till and tell her an hour after all's clear you'll notify her. Problem solved.

 

[evenflow1969]

I'm sorry you lost your brother.

He had trouble getting along with a large part of the family but he and I were extremely close. His absence leaves a large hole in my life. He was the first line of my emergency contact. Just two days before his death he called me out of the blue. We talked for almost two and a half hours. Way longer than our typical call. We discussed no problems just shot the breeze and laughed many times. So out of the ordinary. Like most men we tended to bond over projects and defeating the issues that arise from them. While I derived great joy in over coming problems with him. I wish we had more phone calls like the last one. How lucky I was that he decided to pick up the phone and call that day. It will be a lasting fond memory.