Goofed-Up, Humorous Church Signs/Bulletins

Discussion in 'Religion and Ethics' started by Eightball, Nov 7, 2005.

  1. Eightball
    Offline

    Eightball Senior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2004
    Messages:
    1,359
    Thanks Received:
    252
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +252
    Taken from Church Bulletins / Church Announcement signs...

    These were so funny, I couldn't help but to pass them on!

    To error, is to be human.


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
    tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
    nursery downstairs.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
    transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests
    tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
    will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
    church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
    Music will follow.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
    "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
    several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------


    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
    across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
    ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
    is done.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
    would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
    Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
    attend this tragedy.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

    Please use large double door at the side entrance.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
    slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 2
  2. Hagbard Celine
    Offline

    Hagbard Celine Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2005
    Messages:
    1,756
    Thanks Received:
    61
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    Ratings:
    +61
    Another one I've seen is "The best position is on your knees."
     

Share This Page

Search tags for this page

church reader board sayings

,
church signs electric girdles