Anyone got anything worth reporting? Dunno about you, but Ive had a really weird 24 hours. Went for a walk along the riverbank yesterday afternoon. Smashing day. Sun shining. Birds twittering (didn't know they were into that)....saw my first Kingfisher of the year as he dived for a fish. Carpets of bluebells in the woods....and then, I came across something that shocked me rigid. There were two young boys sitting on the riverbank. Couldn't have been any more than eight or nine years old. One was drinking battery acid and the other was chewing a firework! I tried to stop them, but they just gave me the finger, so I did what any responsible adult would do and called the police. The police duly arrived and do you know what they bloodywell did? They charged one and let the other one off! Last night I ended up with an older woman at a club. She looked OK for a 61 year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter. Anyway, we drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double. Now I didn't want to appear too excited, so I asked as casually as I could, what a Sportsman's double was. "It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said. I said, 'No, never had one of those'. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'. We went back to her place. As we entered she put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, you still awake?' Things looked up today, though. This morning I decided to go out to the local greasy spoon for a full English breakfast. As I locked my apartment door, the young bird next door came out in the sexiest, skimpiest dressing gown I've ever seen. Phew! Boy oh boy was she hot! "Morning Paul. I'm doing breakfast. Would you like to join me?" Blooooody hell. 'Love to,' I said, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. Into the kitchen we went and she popped some eggs into a pan of water. She then turned to me, dropping her gown and says, "You've got to make love to me -- this very moment." Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and gave it my all on the kitchen table. Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove. Now I was more than a little puzzled by this so I asked, "What was that all about?" "The egg timer's broken." She said. Bitch. She knows I like my eggs hard boiled.