S
Shattered
Guest
(Why didn't someone tell me this years ago??)
DIRT
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor
of 15 and leave it alone.
Cobwebs
Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,
thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that
the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim
"What? And spoil the mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them & call
them holiday decorations.)
Pet Hair
Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn
play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold
drafts in winter.)
Guests
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy
home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd
love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the
shots are SO expensive."
Dusting
If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to
scatter her ashes."
General Cleaning
Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of
water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags
in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself
on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get
anywhere." As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of
cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been
baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't
had time to clean...Works every time.
Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck, always keep several get
well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say
you've been sick and unable to clean.
DIRT
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor
of 15 and leave it alone.
Cobwebs
Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,
thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that
the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim
"What? And spoil the mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them & call
them holiday decorations.)
Pet Hair
Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn
play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold
drafts in winter.)
Guests
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy
home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd
love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the
shots are SO expensive."
Dusting
If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to
scatter her ashes."
General Cleaning
Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of
water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags
in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself
on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get
anywhere." As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of
cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been
baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't
had time to clean...Works every time.
Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck, always keep several get
well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say
you've been sick and unable to clean.
