Cleaning Tips..

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Shattered, Dec 2, 2004.

  1. Shattered
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    Shattered Guest

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    (Why didn't someone tell me this years ago??)

    DIRT
    Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
    against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor
    of 15 and leave it alone.

    Cobwebs
    Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb,
    thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that
    the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim
    "What? And spoil the mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them & call
    them holiday decorations.)

    Pet Hair
    Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
    claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn
    play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold
    drafts in winter.)

    Guests
    If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
    room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy
    home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd
    love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the
    shots are SO expensive."

    Dusting
    If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
    coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to
    scatter her ashes."

    General Cleaning
    Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of
    water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags
    in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself
    on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get
    anywhere." As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of
    cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been
    baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't
    had time to clean...Works every time.

    Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck, always keep several get
    well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say
    you've been sick and unable to clean.
     
  2. Mr. P
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    Mr. P Senior Member

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    Oh Geeeeeeeezzzzzzz...Men know ALL that stuff! Duh!
     
  3. Shattered
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    Shattered Guest

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    **flings toffee cheesecake off the tines of a fork**

    Go clean that up.
     
  4. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    i would just let fluffy out of her room :cool:
     
  5. Shattered
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    Shattered Guest

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    I prefer Mr. Smartypants over there cleans it up. :)
     
  6. Joz
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    Joz Senior Member

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    The sister team that wrote the "sidetracked house executives" suggested that you drag out the vaccuum cleaner and leave it in the middle of the floor. Tell whomever drops by that they caught you right in the middle of cleaning. Then, when they leave, go back to what you were doing!
     
  7. Mr. P
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    Mr. P Senior Member

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    NOoooooooo, It's not time yet...it has to get this green/blue color first.
     

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