Vandalshandle
Gold Member
I suspect that somewhere in the Amazon jungle, there are still people who have not heard of Christianity. So, for all of you intrepid explorers out there, here is what to tell them.
The real god created everything in heaven and earth, including people. but god gets really pissed off about certain things that people do. He calls that, "sin". God loves us all very much, but if we commit sin, we get sent to an eternity of torture and suffering. It is not really his fault. He could have made us all without the ability or desire to sin, but he wanted us to have free will. Now, we don't really have free will, because god knows everything in advance, including who is going to spend eternity in hell, and who is not, but it makes him feel better not being the one to make that decision, even though he did.
Every now and then, god used to kill almost everyone, because of sin, but that was when he was a jew, and demanded that we kill animals to make him happy. Then, he decided that he hated sin so much, that he had a boy child by a virgin. She wasn't really a virgin, because the people who translated these events confused the word "virgin" with "unmarried woman", but once they made that mistake, they were pretty much stuck with it. Now, Jesus is no longer a jew, but a christian, and his son, Jesus, was the only man to ever live without sin, so god decided to have him tortured to death, to make up for all the people who pissed him off. Then, he whispered in some old guy's ear that if people believed in Jesus, they will never really die, even though they were pretty much dead. To prove that point, he had Jesus resurrect a dead man. Now, if you ever get to New Orleans, you will hear about Voo Doo, and zombies, but Christianity is not like that at all. it is ...... different. Anyway, when Jesus came to realize that it was his father's wish to be nailed to a wooden cross and tortured to death, he decided that the event warranted a big dinner party, in which he told his followers to eat bread and wine, which was actually his flesh and blood. Now, I know this sounds like Christians are cannibals, but they are not. Cannibals only eat people. Christians only eat the son of god, after he had been nailed to a cross and tortured to death. There is a difference. Anyway, Christians do this at least once a month.
So, you too can be a christian if you believe in Jesus and eat his flesh and blood, and do other stuff, depending on what Christian tribe you belong to. If so, you can live forever, even though you are dead.
Hopefully, that is clear enough for you!
The real god created everything in heaven and earth, including people. but god gets really pissed off about certain things that people do. He calls that, "sin". God loves us all very much, but if we commit sin, we get sent to an eternity of torture and suffering. It is not really his fault. He could have made us all without the ability or desire to sin, but he wanted us to have free will. Now, we don't really have free will, because god knows everything in advance, including who is going to spend eternity in hell, and who is not, but it makes him feel better not being the one to make that decision, even though he did.
Every now and then, god used to kill almost everyone, because of sin, but that was when he was a jew, and demanded that we kill animals to make him happy. Then, he decided that he hated sin so much, that he had a boy child by a virgin. She wasn't really a virgin, because the people who translated these events confused the word "virgin" with "unmarried woman", but once they made that mistake, they were pretty much stuck with it. Now, Jesus is no longer a jew, but a christian, and his son, Jesus, was the only man to ever live without sin, so god decided to have him tortured to death, to make up for all the people who pissed him off. Then, he whispered in some old guy's ear that if people believed in Jesus, they will never really die, even though they were pretty much dead. To prove that point, he had Jesus resurrect a dead man. Now, if you ever get to New Orleans, you will hear about Voo Doo, and zombies, but Christianity is not like that at all. it is ...... different. Anyway, when Jesus came to realize that it was his father's wish to be nailed to a wooden cross and tortured to death, he decided that the event warranted a big dinner party, in which he told his followers to eat bread and wine, which was actually his flesh and blood. Now, I know this sounds like Christians are cannibals, but they are not. Cannibals only eat people. Christians only eat the son of god, after he had been nailed to a cross and tortured to death. There is a difference. Anyway, Christians do this at least once a month.
So, you too can be a christian if you believe in Jesus and eat his flesh and blood, and do other stuff, depending on what Christian tribe you belong to. If so, you can live forever, even though you are dead.
Hopefully, that is clear enough for you!