Betsy DeVos says she was planning to close all schools anyway

[DrLove]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As an increasing number of schools and universities closed down because of the coronavirus outbreak, the Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos, revealed on Monday that she had been planning for years to close every school in the country anyway.

Speaking to reporters in Washington, DeVos said, “When I took over as Education Secretary, I came with a simple mission: to shut down all of the nation’s schools. It turns out that I was just ahead of my time.”

Noting that schools are where students learn math, science, and history, DeVos said, “I have long believed that schools are where all the bad things happen.”

Deciding to “wipe out the scourge of education once and for all,” DeVos said that, within days of taking office, she drew up an ambitious plan called No School Left Open.

In a reassuring message to the nation’s parents and students, DeVos said, “Amid the current crisis, many of you are wondering how we will close every American school overnight. Let me just say that this is the job Betsy DeVos was born to do.”​

Betsy DeVos Says She Was Planning to Close All Schools Anyway

 

[Oddball]

 

[Sunni Man]

 

[DrLove]

View attachment 311531

The ability to appreciate good satire or really laugh at much of anything other than the suffering of lib-ruls is nonexistent in Trumptardians.

This is particularly true of the Pepe variety.

 

[Oddball]

Good satire makes people do a double-take in that microsecond of incredulous contemplation that it could be true....This "satire" didn't do that....It's the epitome of anti-satire.

Not only can't the left meme, they also totally suck as satire.

 

[White 6]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As an increasing number of schools and universities closed down because of the coronavirus outbreak, the Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos, revealed on Monday that she had been planning for years to close every school in the country anyway.

Speaking to reporters in Washington, DeVos said, “When I took over as Education Secretary, I came with a simple mission: to shut down all of the nation’s schools. It turns out that I was just ahead of my time.”

Noting that schools are where students learn math, science, and history, DeVos said, “I have long believed that schools are where all the bad things happen.”

Deciding to “wipe out the scourge of education once and for all,” DeVos said that, within days of taking office, she drew up an ambitious plan called No School Left Open.

In a reassuring message to the nation’s parents and students, DeVos said, “Amid the current crisis, many of you are wondering how we will close every American school overnight. Let me just say that this is the job Betsy DeVos was born to do.”​

Betsy DeVos Says She Was Planning to Close All Schools Anyway

She needs to be selling Amway (door to door) for her husband. She is typical of what I hate about the appointments of Dic#head Don. It is like he purposely picked the people most like to damage the work, structure or existence of the department they were appointed to lead.

 

[Oddball]

She needs to be selling Amway (door to door) for her husband. She is typical of what I hate about the appointments of Dic#head Don. It is like he purposely picked the people most like to damage the work, structure or existence of the department they were appointed to lead.

The Dept. of Edumacation is a worthless bureaucratic money pit that should be done away with in any case.....If she's there to destroy it, she's doing a shitty job of it.

 

[DrLove]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As an increasing number of schools and universities closed down because of the coronavirus outbreak, the Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos, revealed on Monday that she had been planning for years to close every school in the country anyway.

Speaking to reporters in Washington, DeVos said, “When I took over as Education Secretary, I came with a simple mission: to shut down all of the nation’s schools. It turns out that I was just ahead of my time.”

Noting that schools are where students learn math, science, and history, DeVos said, “I have long believed that schools are where all the bad things happen.”

Deciding to “wipe out the scourge of education once and for all,” DeVos said that, within days of taking office, she drew up an ambitious plan called No School Left Open.

In a reassuring message to the nation’s parents and students, DeVos said, “Amid the current crisis, many of you are wondering how we will close every American school overnight. Let me just say that this is the job Betsy DeVos was born to do.”​

Betsy DeVos Says She Was Planning to Close All Schools Anyway

She needs to be selling Amway (door to door) for her husband. She is typical of what I hate about the appointments of Dic#head Don. It is like he purposely picked the people most like to damage the work, structure or existence of the department they were appointed to lead.

I wouldn't open the door for that idiot regardless of what she was selling. She looks like a Thumper.

 

[White 6]

She needs to be selling Amway (door to door) for her husband. She is typical of what I hate about the appointments of Dic#head Don. It is like he purposely picked the people most like to damage the work, structure or existence of the department they were appointed to lead.

The Dept. of Edumacation is a worthless bureaucratic money pit that should be done away with in any case.....If she's there to destroy it, she's doing a shitty job of it.

See? She is a shitty administrator, even by you questionable standards. I figure she will be gone in January of next year or before.

 

[okfine]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As an increasing number of schools and universities closed down because of the coronavirus outbreak, the Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos, revealed on Monday that she had been planning for years to close every school in the country anyway.

Speaking to reporters in Washington, DeVos said, “When I took over as Education Secretary, I came with a simple mission: to shut down all of the nation’s schools. It turns out that I was just ahead of my time.”

Noting that schools are where students learn math, science, and history, DeVos said, “I have long believed that schools are where all the bad things happen.”

Deciding to “wipe out the scourge of education once and for all,” DeVos said that, within days of taking office, she drew up an ambitious plan called No School Left Open.

In a reassuring message to the nation’s parents and students, DeVos said, “Amid the current crisis, many of you are wondering how we will close every American school overnight. Let me just say that this is the job Betsy DeVos was born to do.”​

Betsy DeVos Says She Was Planning to Close All Schools Anyway

She needs to be selling Amway (door to door) for her husband. She is typical of what I hate about the appointments of Dic#head Don. It is like he purposely picked the people most like to damage the work, structure or existence of the department they were appointed to lead.

I bet she recommends drinking Amway bleach to cure coronavirus.

 

[DrLove]

Good satire makes people do a double-take in that microsecond of incredulous contemplation that it could be true....This "satire" didn't do that....It's the epitome of anti-satire.

Not only can't the left meme, they also totally suck as satire.

This could very well be true. Over half the time I post Borowitz one of you humorless Trumpublicans doesn't recognize it as satire and becomes highly agitated