Best Comeback Line Ever...

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Shattered, Aug 27, 2005.

  1. Shattered
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    Shattered Guest

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    This was in the Washington Post... the title of the article was "Best Comeback Line Ever."

    Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of

    Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be

    charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public

    intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

    The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to

    stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one

    around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a

    phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of

    the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes,

    cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I

    was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

    In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County

    police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda

    Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said

    officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at

    this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached

    Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that

    you are screwing a pumpkin?'

    He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me

    straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'
     
  2. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    :laugh: I bet we could find a link...
     
  3. Shattered
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    Actually, I read somewhere that the story is complete bunk, but it's amusing as hell, nonetheless. :D
     
  4. Annie
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  5. Shattered
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    I think that's the one I read.. I remember this:

    <i>That said, we are obliged to confirm that in 2002 a disconcertingly similar incident made headlines in Warren, Michigan when a local man was convicted of traipsing around nude in his back yard and, in full view of his neighbors, "using a pumpkin to sexually gratify himself." He was sentenced to 90 days in jail for indecent exposure.</i>

    But.. it turned up in email the other day, and I decided it was post-worthy... :gross2:
     
  6. deaddude
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    deaddude Senior Member

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    heard a similar story about a drug smuggler, the guy is flying a couple a load of marijuana over the border, on of his engines goes out and he is forced to land in the desert on the outskirt of som town in Arizona, hearing sirens in the distance
    he decides that running is futile, so he heads to the cargo, rolls the largest joint imaginable. When the police arrive they see him high as a kite, amid a gigantic pile of hash.

    "Would you all believe that this is all for my own personal use?"
     
  7. archangel
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    This is partially true...1977 East of Yuma Arizona...the subject did in fact crash his Cessna 172 fully loaded with MJ...tried to make his escape...sorta hard to do with a broken leg...didn't get but a half mile from crash site...when we Customs Patrol and DEA and AHP arrived he did say it was for "personal use and immense PAIN" Ya had to be there to get the jest and laugh! :D
     
  8. Mr. P
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    Mr. P Senior Member

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    :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
    What quick wits us Georgia boys have... :D
     
  9. Avatar4321
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    Avatar4321 Diamond Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Two things come to mind.

    When a guy asks a girl out and she rejects him in a harsh way respond:

    "You shouldn't be so picky. I wasn't"

    When a police officer pulls you over and you roll down the window, use the Jedi mind trick and tell him "You have no business with this car" (This actually worked for a friend of my friend.)
     
  10. no1tovote4
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    no1tovote4 VIP Member

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    "These aren't the drugs you're looking for...?"
     

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