Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[eagle1462010]

HELP........HELP......

My boat went down in Shark Infested Waters..........

I'm treading Water now, but the Sharks are all over the place.

What should I do Joe....................

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?

Or would it just lead to a point deduction for non-synchronicity?

THAT would depend on the judgement of the judges. Judges are usually Monkeys and Monkeys are fickle creatures.

Pass on that action!

 

[percysunshine]

HELP........HELP......

My boat went down in Shark Infested Waters..........

I'm treading Water now, but the Sharks are all over the place.

What should I do Joe....................

You have an internet connection in the middle of the Pacific ocean?

Awesome service provider.

 

[eagle1462010]

HELP........HELP......

My boat went down in Shark Infested Waters..........

I'm treading Water now, but the Sharks are all over the place.

What should I do Joe....................

You have an internet connection in the middle of the Pacific ocean?

Awesome service provider.

Water proof to boot............

 

[BlackSand]

Dear Joe,

I have a close friend running for Police Jury in my district.
He is smart, honest and would probably do a decent job.

The person who currently holds the position has far more experience in the position.
Although we aren't friends ... He has taken care of two requests when I called and asked.
He had a speed limit sign moved down the road and out from in front of my house.
He sent a crew out to fix a sinking culvert on the Parish rightaway between the road and one of my gates.

Both requests were taken care of quickly (within a week of my initial call) ... And no questions asked.
The Juror took care of things with no reward other than a "Thank You" ... He technically didn't have to do either when I requested.

My good friend would probably do a good job ... But he wants the Police Jury position to use as a stepping stone towards his goal to eventually run for Mayor.
I want to help my friend ... But I certainly don't have a problem with the man who currently holds the position.
He has been on the Police Jury for a while ... And I don't know about getting rid of him just so my friend can cruise through on to something bigger.

Do I stick with tried and true ... Or do I support my friend in his ambitions?
If my friend asks me to support his campaign ... Or if I am even going to vote for him ... How do I handle that?

.

 

[AVG-JOE]

HELP........HELP......

My boat went down in Shark Infested Waters..........

I'm treading Water now, but the Sharks are all over the place.

What should I do Joe....................

Somebody call 9-1-1!!!





Get a bigger boat seems like too little, too late in the way of advice Bro', but there it is: If the Coastguard finds your ass and you survive, get a bigger boat.

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

To the men and women of The US Coast Guard!

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

I have a close friend running for Police Jury in my district.
He is smart, honest and would probably do a decent job.

The person who currently holds the position has far more experience in the position.
Although we aren't friends ... He has taken care of two requests when I called and asked.
He had a speed limit sign moved down the road and out from in front of my house.
He sent a crew out to fix a sinking culvert on the Parish rightaway between the road and one of my gates.

Both requests were taken care of quickly (within a week of my initial call) ... And no questions asked.
The Juror took care of things with no reward other than a "Thank You" ... He technically didn't have to do either when I requested.

My good friend would probably do a good job ... But he wants the Police Jury position to use as a stepping stone towards his goal to eventually run for Mayor.
I want to help my friend ... But I certainly don't have a problem with the man who currently holds the position.
He has been on the Police Jury for a while ... And I don't know about getting rid of him just so my friend can cruise through on to something bigger.

Do I stick with tried and true ... Or do I support my friend in his ambitions?
If my friend asks me to support his campaign ... Or if I am even going to vote for him ... How do I handle that?

.

First a question... What do you want? Do you want friends, or acquaintances who owe you political favors?

Let your destination dictate the path.

 

[BlackSand]

Dear Joe,

I have a close friend running for Police Jury in my district.
He is smart, honest and would probably do a decent job.

The person who currently holds the position has far more experience in the position.
Although we aren't friends ... He has taken care of two requests when I called and asked.
He had a speed limit sign moved down the road and out from in front of my house.
He sent a crew out to fix a sinking culvert on the Parish rightaway between the road and one of my gates.

Both requests were taken care of quickly (within a week of my initial call) ... And no questions asked.
The Juror took care of things with no reward other than a "Thank You" ... He technically didn't have to do either when I requested.

My good friend would probably do a good job ... But he wants the Police Jury position to use as a stepping stone towards his goal to eventually run for Mayor.
I want to help my friend ... But I certainly don't have a problem with the man who currently holds the position.
He has been on the Police Jury for a while ... And I don't know about getting rid of him just so my friend can cruise through on to something bigger.

Do I stick with tried and true ... Or do I support my friend in his ambitions?
If my friend asks me to support his campaign ... Or if I am even going to vote for him ... How do I handle that?

.

First a question... What do you want? Do you want friends, or acquaintances who owe you political favors?

Let your destination dictate the path.

Of course I want friends ... But I also have loyalty towards people who do their job correctly and who have already demonstrated their desire and ability to serve their constituents.

Thanks for your input though ... I will vote for the person I think is a better candidate.
If it costs me a friendship ... Then so be it.

.

 

[Pop23]

Dear Joe:

If everyone on the earth orgasmed simultaneously could we change our planets orbital track?

Also, if I spank my monkey, will he behave better on long trips?

Sincerely,

Pop23

 

[MeBelle]

omg Pops...


Dear Joe:

My DD got me a bag of Hershey kisses, just because she loves me.

However she left the bag in a very warm car and the Kisses have taken a shape never before seen by monkey.

I see the benefits of having to pull every tiny piece of foil and Hershey tag off of every candy but it gets dam tiring.

What advice can you give me?

PS-Stop eating chocolate is NOT advice.

 

[theDoctorisIn]

This thread is the best.

 

[Sarah G]

Dear Joe,

Which do you prefer, odd numbers or even numbers?

Sarah G

 

[RosieS]

Darling Joe,

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

One....Two.....Tha-ree....

Regards from Rosie

 

[Sarah G]

Dear Joe,

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

Sarah G

 

[Sarah G]

Dear Joe,

Boxers or briefs? (Sorry, just had to ask that).

Sarah G

 

[WorldWatcher]

omg Pops...


Dear Joe:

My DD got me a bag of Hershey kisses, just because she loves me.

However she left the bag in a very warm car and the Kisses have taken a shape never before seen by monkey.

I see the benefits of having to pull every tiny piece of foil and Hershey tag off of every candy but it gets dam tiring.

What advice can you give me?

PS-Stop eating chocolate is NOT advice.

Put the Kisses in a warm oven at 150 degrees for 10 minutes. Take out of the oven and mash with a fork. Pour the liquid chocolate into the bottom of a rectangular storage dish using the fork to keep the aluminum wrappers in the bowl. Let cool. Pop the chocolate out of the dish.

Enjoy your Hersey's Chocolate Bar.



Proving the old adage that if all you have is sloppy kisses, just go to the bar instead.



>>>>

 

[WorldWatcher]

Dear Joe,

Boxers or briefs? (Sorry, just had to ask that).

Sarah G

Any real man would answer Commando.



>>>>

 

[Esmeralda]

Hey, Joe, my alien friends from Xenakis IV are hesistant to reveal themselves to most earthlings. I'm trying to get them to go forth with first contact.

What would you say to them?

"Welcome!"

"Please read the http://www.usmessageboard.com/annou...48-usmb-rules-and-guidelines.html#post6790048 before posting."

​

Ok, I'll pass that along to them.

They are so cute!

 

[Esmeralda]

Can you please tell me what has happened to baton twirling? It's as if it never existed.