anyone thinking of having kids?

Discussion in 'Humor' started by manu1959, Feb 16, 2005.

  1. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    PARENT - Job Description

    POSITION :
    Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma

    Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa


    JOB DESCRIPTION :
    Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

    RESPONSIBILITIES :
    The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared ! for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

    POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
    None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

    PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
    None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

    WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
    Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

    BENEFITS :
    While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

    Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated
     
  2. Annie
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    Annie Diamond Member

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    Just sent this to my kids and my 15 closest friends. :)
     
  3. Avatar4321
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    Avatar4321 Diamond Member Gold Supporting Member

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    But there are promotions. you go from parent to grandparent to great grandparent.
     
  4. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    there are more benefits than listed...these are what i feel are some great benefits!

    -you get to brag about your kids' accomplishments and what age they were at when it happened.
    -you can make friends easily with other parents, because your conversation 99% of the time starts out about the kids.
    -you finally understand why your mom would say stuff like "Do as I say, not as I do" and "Because I'm the mom/dad, that's why", and you use them
    -you finally get to pay your parents back for not getting you the pony you wanted as a kid by loading your kids with candy and mountain dews before sending them for an overnight. :tng:
    -you learn that most booboos can be mended with a bandaid (bleeding or not) and a kiss.
    -you look at your child and realize how precious are the littlest things they do, like playing with a certain toy, or the odd things that facinate them.
    -identifying the different habits they have that they get from mom, dad, grandparents, etc.
    -you get to keep track of all their 'firsts', and can't wait to brag about a new one!
    -their honest, not forced, laughter at the simplest game of peek-a-boo, and it's the greatest sound in the world to you
     

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