Ann Coulter's Oscar Predictions

Discussion in 'Reviews' started by Adam's Apple, Mar 2, 2006.

  1. Adam's Apple
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    Adam's Apple Senior Member

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    Pretty good guesses, I would think, without having seen any of the movies.

    SPEAKING TRUTH TO DEAD HORSES: MY OSCAR PREDICTIONS
    By Ann Coulter
    March 1, 2006

    This is my first annual Oscar predictions column, for which I am uniquely qualified by not having seen a single one of the movies nominated in any category.

    I shall grant my awards based on the same criteria Hollywood studio executives now use to green-light movies: political correctness. Also, judging by most of the nominees this year, the awards committee prefers movies that are wildly unpopular with audiences.

    The box office numbers for this year's favorite, "Brokeback Mountain," are more jealously guarded than the nuclear codes in the president's black box. Hollywood liberals want the government to release everything we know about al-Zarqawi, but refuse to release the number of people who have seen "Brokeback Mountain."

    I shall summarize the plots of the five movies nominated for best picture below:

    — "Brokeback Mountain" (gay)
    — "Capote" (death penalty with bonus gay lead)
    — "Crash" (racism)
    — "Good Night, and Good Luck" (McCarthyism)
    — "Munich" (Jew athletes at Munich had it coming)

    Everyone says it's going to be "Crash," but I think "Crash" is too popular with filmgoers. Moreover, Hollywood feels it has done enough for the blacks. Hollywood can never do enough for the gays. Gays in the military, gays in the Texas Rangers, gays on the range. It's like a brokeback record! As Pat Buchanan said, homosexuality has gone from "the love that dare not speak its name" to "the love that won't shut up."

    The best director award will go to ... Ang Lee, director of "Brokeback Mountain." (For analysis, see above.) Also, this is gays directed by an Asian, which should satisfy the gaysians. Hands down: Ang Lee.

    The nominees for best actor in a leading role are:

    — Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Capote"
    — Terrence Howard, "Hustle & Flow"
    — Heath Ledger, "Brokeback Mountain"
    — Joaquin Phoenix, "Walk the Line"
    — David Strathairn, "Good Night, and Good Luck"

    The winner in this category will be ... Philip Seymour Hoffman. The awards committee can't give everything to "Brokeback Mountain," and at least Truman Capote was gay (though not a cowboy). I personally would have chosen the lion in the Narnia movie, but he wasn't even nominated.

    The nominees for best actress in a leading role are:

    — Judi Dench, "Mrs. Henderson Presents"
    — Felicity Huffman, "Transamerica"
    — Keira Knightley, "Pride & Prejudice"
    — Charlize Theron, "North Country"
    — Reese Witherspoon, "Walk the Line"

    I gather Reese Witherspoon is very good in "Walk the Line," but that's irrelevant — this is the Oscars! Felicity Huffman plays a pre-op transsexual in "Transamerica." That strikes a chord in Hollywood. It's not exactly gay, but close enough! I say Huffman wins.

    For best actress in a supporting role, Rachel Weisz ought to win for "The Constant Gardener" because it's about how drug companies are evil, which to me is the essence of quality acting. Plus, English accent equals good acting. But Michelle Williams ("Brokeback Mountain") is engaged to Heath Ledger, who played a gay guy in "Brokeback Mountain." So I pick Weisz, with Williams as the dark-horse favorite.

    The best original screenplay will be "Good Night, and Good Luck" as Hollywood's final tribute to the old Stalinists (Hollywood's version of "The Greatest Generation"). George Clooney has been mau-mauing the awards committee by going around boasting that conservatives have called him a "traitor," although I believe the precise term was "airhead."

    Finally, my favorite category: best foreign language film. The nominees are:

    — "Don't Tell" (Italy)
    — "Joyeux Noel" (France)
    — "Paradise Now" (Palestine)
    — "Sophie Scholl" (Germany)
    — "Tsotsi" (South Africa)

    After consulting with the Yale admissions committee, the awards committee will give the Oscar to ... "Paradise Now," a heartwarming story about Palestinian suicide bombers. How good is it? Al-Jazeera gave it 4 1/2 pipe bombs. It's Air Syria's featured in-flight movie this month — go figure! I don't want to spoil the ending for you, but let's just say there won't be a sequel.

    Normally, the smart money is on the Holocaust movie, so any other year, "Sophie Scholl" would have been the clear favorite. Unfortunately for the makers of "Sophie Scholl," their Holocaust movie came out the same year as a pro-terrorist movie, so they lose.

    As a final prediction, for the second year, there will be no mention of Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh, who was brutally murdered by an angry Muslim a little over a year ago on the streets of Amsterdam. (Now that's blacklisted!) I also predict this will be the lowest-rated Oscars ever. Remember to turn off your cell phones, no talking ... or sleeping.

    http://www.anncoulter.com/cgi-local/welcome.cgi
     
  2. Abbey Normal
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    Abbey Normal Senior Member

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    Ann nailed it. :clap: :clap: :clap:
     
  3. Dan
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    Dan Senior Member

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    Man, Conservatives are really becoming the new "the whole world is against us" paranoids, huh? :scratch:

    Why didn't everyone protest Philadelphia when it came out? I don't understand why everyone's taking Brokeback Mtn. so personally, as though this R-rated, VERY slow (i.e. uninteresting to kids) movie has been made simply as an F-you to America or something. I guess I'm probably a little late on the whole Brokeback debate, but it's all getting kind of irritating.

    That, plus Ann Coulter is 1000X more annoying than Michael Moore and Al Franken combined could ever want to be.
     
  4. KarlMarx
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    KarlMarx Senior Member

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    Ann Coulter could argue circles around Misters Moore and Franken. What makes her so annoying to some is that she dares speak the truth.

    Anyway, it's like this... Hollywood does bend over backwards, forwards and every which way for gays. It's no wonder that Hollywood is seeing a decline in movie attendance.... all I have to say is "keep it up tinseltown, eventually you live to regret it..."
     
  5. manu1959
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    manu1959 Left Coast Isolationist

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    what a great line..........

    "Paradise Now," a heartwarming story about Palestinian suicide bombers. How good is it? Al-Jazeera gave it 4 1/2 pipe bombs.
     
  6. Adam's Apple
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    Adam's Apple Senior Member

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    If you ever get a chance to go hear Ann Coulter speak in person, DO IT. You will be thoroughly entertained, I guarantee it. She really takes her hecklers to the cleaners. Personal experience has been an excellent teacher for Ann, and her detractors have only made it possible for her to beat them at their own game.
     
  7. KarlMarx
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    KarlMarx Senior Member

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    Yes, I can just see her speaking at Binghamton University (aka Bolshevik U)... I'll have to be sure to wear something that launders well ....
     
  8. KarlMarx
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    KarlMarx Senior Member

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    better line....

    homosexuality has gone from "the love that dare not speak its name" to "the love that won't shut up."
     
  9. Adam's Apple
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    Adam's Apple Senior Member

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    Naw, too much security around at her events for things to get out of hand. (Ann even brings along her own body guards. Like I said, this lady learns from her life experiences. :))
     
  10. Adam's Apple
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    Adam's Apple Senior Member

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    And speaking of nailing it about Hollywood in general......

    And Hollywood Wonders Why They're Failing
    By Tammy Bruce
    December 17, 2005

    Why, oh why, has Hollywood seen its worst boxoffice receipts in 15 years? The Golden Globe nominees for 2005 Best Picture say it all. Thought to be the precursor for the Oscar, here's what Hollywood thinks is their best of the year, and consequently what they think our culture should look like:

    1) A love story between two gay sheepherders (erroneously labeled 'cowboys' by the media, I suppose because they wear hats).*

    2) A film portraying as noble the efforts of journalists to demonize and "take down" a US Senator whose anti-communist policies they did not like.*

    3) A film about, as one movie-going reviewer noted, "...the horrors of big business and the way they are willing to experiment on the poor to achieve their goals..."*

    4) The demonization of the average mid-western American man as someone who is no hero, but a cold-blooded killer at heart.*

    5) And lastly, a Woody Allen film about infidelity. Well, he should know.*

    [* 1) Brokeback Mountain, 2) Goodnight and Good Luck, 3) The Constant Gardener, 4) A History of Violence, 5) Match Point]

    Hollywood honchos continue to wring their hands over why you've stopped going to the movies. They blame ticket prices and DVD availability. They had better start considering the fact that filmmakers are so disconnected, so nihilistic, that the hopelessness and hostility they feel toward the world now permeates their work. Americans will no longer go see movies which are nothing more than the manifestation of the backwash of malignant narcissists. We're also sick and tired of listening to actors lecture us about how awful the US is, and more recently, why a cold-blooded mass murdering gang founder should have been given clemency. Enough is enough.

    Not only will we not go see films which insult us, we refuse to support an existential worldview. We happen to think life does matters, that decency is a good thing, and that people are inherently good, not bad. We also have stopped believing the lie that Americans are bad people. We looked away for 4 decades as that lie was spread, but that time is over.

    So you can take your gay sheepherder, noble communist supporting reporters, big-business is evil, Americans are hopelessly and inherently corrupt and violent and unfaithful movies and go to Cannes where at least the Parisian set will love you. But that won't exactly pay the bills, will it?

    It used to be whichever movie won the top awards guaranteed boffo box office. Not any longer. The Golden Globe (the 'foreign' press contingent) and the Oscar people are going to find that their nights of orgiastic self-congratulation won't get them much, if anything, any more.

    In the meantime, I'll be adding some of the old classics to my Netflix queue.


    http://tammybruce.com
     

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