- Banned
- #1
I brought this challenge upon myself in another topic and this is how I would tell the story of the birth of Jesus without looking at the Bible. *Ahem!*
Once upon a time in a land somewhere in Jerusalem I think or possibly Israel,.. not sure if that's in the exact same country or whatever but somewhere along the lines where Muslims probably live which makes the story I'm about to tell you really ironic. Anywho, there lived this emperor guy who I do believe had the name Cesar, but as JGalt already pointed out in the other topic, which emperor besides Kuzco from The Emperor's New Groove and Zurg from Toy Story 2 didn't already have that name?
So this Cesar guy ordered his people to have a census which I don't really have a clue what in the world that's supposed to be but something about population is all I know. So these people in this unknown land had to go back to the land of their births. At the same time there was this girl/woman named Mary and she was supposed to marry a guy named Joseph against her will for no other apparent reason except for story purposes that I can think of. That, and her parents were being dickheads.
So I do believe that before she was scheduled to marry Joseph this angel shows up and tells her that she's about to conceive and Mary's like "hold up now! I've been to health class and I know how it works! I haven't slept with or had sex with anybody so what in the world are you talking about?" The angel then responds to her and says that God will miraculously make this happen and that she will give birth to a Son and name Him Jesus and that He will also be called the Son of God. So due to the fact that as I mentioned earlier this is probably Muslim territory at this point Mary is probably thinking that this so called angel has had a little too much to drink.
However, she herself is a devout Christian so she tells him to "let it be done according to his word." So at some point she marries Joseph, however shortly after they get married Joseph sees that Mary is starting to show that she is as big as a whale so Joseph's eyeballs nearly pop out of his sockets and he's like "okay so what's going on and who do I have to kill?" However, Mary explains to Joseph all about the angel and that she's pregnant with the promised Messiah.
Joseph mocks a laugh and then he says to her "ha, ha very funny. Let me guess, I'm on Candid Camera right?" Although that night after he goes to sleep he has a dream that the angel comes to visit him and tells him that Mary was telling him the truth. So he decides to believe her and make this child his own. After all, he figures that if he truly is going crazy that they can go crazy together.
Eventually Joseph and Mary leave for Bethlehem, but for some strange miraculous reason Mary is now very pregnant, (either that or they didn't have to go to Bethlehem right away, I mean,.. talk about a time skip) so she gets to ride on a donkey all the way there. When they arrive all of the inns are already full so some random dude offers them the use of his stable or cave,.. whatever floats your boat I guess.
So that night a star appears in the sky and Jesus is finally born. An angel,.. not sure whether or not it was the same one appears to the shepherds and tells them to rejoice that for that night in the city of David (which I thought this was supposed to be Bethlehem, but whatever) a Savior was born which is Christ the Lord. So the shepherds decide to buy this and start heading to see the baby Jesus.
At the same time three wisemen or kings whichever you want to call them also arrive at some point and give Jesus three gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Well, that's as far as I can go except for the fact some old king named Herod wanted to kill Jesus, but Joseph and Mary wound up escaping with Him so they lived happily ever after.
Once upon a time in a land somewhere in Jerusalem I think or possibly Israel,.. not sure if that's in the exact same country or whatever but somewhere along the lines where Muslims probably live which makes the story I'm about to tell you really ironic. Anywho, there lived this emperor guy who I do believe had the name Cesar, but as JGalt already pointed out in the other topic, which emperor besides Kuzco from The Emperor's New Groove and Zurg from Toy Story 2 didn't already have that name?
So this Cesar guy ordered his people to have a census which I don't really have a clue what in the world that's supposed to be but something about population is all I know. So these people in this unknown land had to go back to the land of their births. At the same time there was this girl/woman named Mary and she was supposed to marry a guy named Joseph against her will for no other apparent reason except for story purposes that I can think of. That, and her parents were being dickheads.
So I do believe that before she was scheduled to marry Joseph this angel shows up and tells her that she's about to conceive and Mary's like "hold up now! I've been to health class and I know how it works! I haven't slept with or had sex with anybody so what in the world are you talking about?" The angel then responds to her and says that God will miraculously make this happen and that she will give birth to a Son and name Him Jesus and that He will also be called the Son of God. So due to the fact that as I mentioned earlier this is probably Muslim territory at this point Mary is probably thinking that this so called angel has had a little too much to drink.
However, she herself is a devout Christian so she tells him to "let it be done according to his word." So at some point she marries Joseph, however shortly after they get married Joseph sees that Mary is starting to show that she is as big as a whale so Joseph's eyeballs nearly pop out of his sockets and he's like "okay so what's going on and who do I have to kill?" However, Mary explains to Joseph all about the angel and that she's pregnant with the promised Messiah.
Joseph mocks a laugh and then he says to her "ha, ha very funny. Let me guess, I'm on Candid Camera right?" Although that night after he goes to sleep he has a dream that the angel comes to visit him and tells him that Mary was telling him the truth. So he decides to believe her and make this child his own. After all, he figures that if he truly is going crazy that they can go crazy together.
Eventually Joseph and Mary leave for Bethlehem, but for some strange miraculous reason Mary is now very pregnant, (either that or they didn't have to go to Bethlehem right away, I mean,.. talk about a time skip) so she gets to ride on a donkey all the way there. When they arrive all of the inns are already full so some random dude offers them the use of his stable or cave,.. whatever floats your boat I guess.
So that night a star appears in the sky and Jesus is finally born. An angel,.. not sure whether or not it was the same one appears to the shepherds and tells them to rejoice that for that night in the city of David (which I thought this was supposed to be Bethlehem, but whatever) a Savior was born which is Christ the Lord. So the shepherds decide to buy this and start heading to see the baby Jesus.
At the same time three wisemen or kings whichever you want to call them also arrive at some point and give Jesus three gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Well, that's as far as I can go except for the fact some old king named Herod wanted to kill Jesus, but Joseph and Mary wound up escaping with Him so they lived happily ever after.
