76 Sacrificial Goats Delivered To Pizza Parlor For Hillary Clinton's Birthday Party

[Votto]

76 Sacrificial Goats Delivered To Pizza Parlor For Hillary Clinton's Birthday Party

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A crowd of onlookers gathered outside a local pizza parlor today as 76 sacrificial goats were delivered in preparation for former First Lady Hillary Clinton's birthday party.

babylonbee.com

76 Sacrificial Goats Delivered To Pizza Parlor For Hillary Clinton's Birthday Party
POLITICS·Oct 26, 2023 · BabylonBee.com
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — A crowd of onlookers gathered outside a local pizza parlor today as 76 sacrificial goats were delivered in preparation for former First Lady Hillary Clinton's birthday party.
"This has been a beloved Clinton tradition for decades," said a spokesperson for the family. "Hillary Clinton has served our country with impeccable moral character her whole life, so it's nice to honor her every year with a night of pizza, human trafficking, and eldritch incantations as the blood of a goat is spilled under the light of a waxing moon. Nothing weird about that."
The pizza parlor serving as the location for the party, Comet Ping Pong, has long been a popular place for Washington powerbrokers to hang out and eat pizza in dark hidden rooms with children. "We're honored to be hosting the Clintons once again," said Comet Ping Pong assistant manager Kevin Sullivan. "Nothing weird or untoward going on here at all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go help take the 76 sacrificial goats down to the basement. If someone comes to deliver a satanic altar with indecipherable runes carved into it, please tell him I'm downstairs."
Several other trucks were seen at the site as well, unloading torches, red robes, and Sam Smith.

At publishing time, several curious onlookers had been subdued by armed guards and hauled away, with one Secret Service agent claiming they were having thoughts of suicide.

 

[Anomalism]

I've never had an issue with the ritual sacrifice of animals that will be consumed. It seems a lot more respectful than just slitting their throats and dismembering them at a slaughterhouse.

 

[Votto]

I've never had an issue with the ritual sacrifice of animals that will be consumed. It seems a lot more respectful than just slitting their throats and dismembering them at a slaughterhouse.

Um................er...................I'm not sure they are cleaning and eating 76 goats, but whatever.

 

[Augustine_]

Conservatives trying to remind people about the pizza place they harassed during one of their bouts of hysteria

 

[Votto]

Conservatives trying to remind people about the pizza place they harassed during one of their bouts of hysteria

Did I mention they were under aged goats?

 

[Anomalism]

Um................er...................I'm not sure they are cleaning and eating 76 goats, but whatever.

No shit. This is satire.

 

[TroglocratsRdumb]

 

[Anomalism]

Conservatives trying to remind people about the pizza place they harassed during one of their bouts of hysteria

Hillary is a pedophile vampire working with the lizard people to overthrow human control of the Earth.

 

[Votto]

No shit. This is satire.

It is?

 

[Votto]

Hillary is a pedophile vampire working with the lizard people to overthrow human control of the Earth.

What is your point?

 

[Augustine_]

Hillary is a pedophile vampire working with the lizard people to overthrow human control of the Earth.

We need to learn pizza code so we can spy on them

 

[Concerned American]

76 Sacrificial Goats Delivered To Pizza Parlor For Hillary Clinton's Birthday Party

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A crowd of onlookers gathered outside a local pizza parlor today as 76 sacrificial goats were delivered in preparation for former First Lady Hillary Clinton's birthday party.

babylonbee.com

76 Sacrificial Goats Delivered To Pizza Parlor For Hillary Clinton's Birthday Party
POLITICS·Oct 26, 2023 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A crowd of onlookers gathered outside a local pizza parlor today as 76 sacrificial goats were delivered in preparation for former First Lady Hillary Clinton's birthday party.
"This has been a beloved Clinton tradition for decades," said a spokesperson for the family. "Hillary Clinton has served our country with impeccable moral character her whole life, so it's nice to honor her every year with a night of pizza, human trafficking, and eldritch incantations as the blood of a goat is spilled under the light of a waxing moon. Nothing weird about that."
The pizza parlor serving as the location for the party, Comet Ping Pong, has long been a popular place for Washington powerbrokers to hang out and eat pizza in dark hidden rooms with children. "We're honored to be hosting the Clintons once again," said Comet Ping Pong assistant manager Kevin Sullivan. "Nothing weird or untoward going on here at all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go help take the 76 sacrificial goats down to the basement. If someone comes to deliver a satanic altar with indecipherable runes carved into it, please tell him I'm downstairs."
Several other trucks were seen at the site as well, unloading torches, red robes, and Sam Smith.

At publishing time, several curious onlookers had been subdued by armed guards and hauled away, with one Secret Service agent claiming they were having thoughts of suicide.

Only four of them will be sacrificed. The other 72 are virgins that have been designated as a reward for her in the afterlife.

 

[Moonglow]

Um................er...................I'm not sure they are cleaning and eating 76 goats, but whatever.

That would be the job of the clerics.

 

[Moonglow]

We need to learn pizza code so we can spy on them

Peperoni has traditionally always meant "penis". Now you may order with distinction.