White House Installs Breathalyzer On Kamala Harris’s Microphone

[Votto]

White House Installs Breathalyzer On Kamala Harris’s Microphone
POLITICS·May 14, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — To avoid further embarrassment from bewildering and offensive speeches, White House officials have installed a breathalyzer on Kamala Harris's microphone.

The decision was reportedly made in a closed-door meeting in which top administration advisers elected to equip her with a microphone that won't turn on unless she tests free of mind-altering drugs, and below the blood alcohol concentration threshold of 0.08%,

"Hopefully this will help us avoid more disaster," said one White House insider. "We've just been going into these speeches blind. Everything will seem to be going smoothly, then all of a sudden she's up there slurring her speech, dropping F-bombs, and laughing like a serial killer. Installing the breathalyzer will mitigate some of the risk involved with giving her a live mic."
"We've been through enough," the insider said. "We've got to do something. Handing her a microphone is just rolling the dice and hoping she doesn't start a war. She either spouts gibberish or she starts insulting the audience and cursing. There's no in-between. We're desperate here."

At publishing time, the White House had also confirmed they had started giving President Biden a microphone that doesn't work at all.

 

[TroglocratsRdumb]

Pelosi needs one of those also

 

[jackflash]

Pelosi needs one of those also

Pelosi can get away with it for she does not make sense when either schnokored or sober.

 

[excalibur]

 

[The Sage of Main Street]

White House Installs Breathalyzer On Kamala Harris’s Microphone
POLITICS·May 14, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — To avoid further embarrassment from bewildering and offensive speeches, White House officials have installed a breathalyzer on Kamala Harris's microphone.

The decision was reportedly made in a closed-door meeting in which top administration advisers elected to equip her with a microphone that won't turn on unless she tests free of mind-altering drugs, and below the blood alcohol concentration threshold of 0.08%,

"Hopefully this will help us avoid more disaster," said one White House insider. "We've just been going into these speeches blind. Everything will seem to be going smoothly, then all of a sudden she's up there slurring her speech, dropping F-bombs, and laughing like a serial killer. Installing the breathalyzer will mitigate some of the risk involved with giving her a live mic."
"We've been through enough," the insider said. "We've got to do something. Handing her a microphone is just rolling the dice and hoping she doesn't start a war. She either spouts gibberish or she starts insulting the audience and cursing. There's no in-between. We're desperate here."

At publishing time, the White House had also confirmed they had started giving President Biden a microphone that doesn't work at all.

Media Phonics Funnies

Instead of giving Kamalaprop a live mic, give her a live dic and she'll do just fine.

 

[fncceo]

Kamela Harris was hired to look ethnic and sort of like a woman... I don't think it ever occurred to anyone she would actually try to speak.

 

[two_iron]

They should just let her speak while she's on her back with her legs in the air. Maybe let her suck on a dildo and she'll be more comfortable and probably knock our socks off when she starts discussing the mathematical nuances of differential calculus.

But putting her on a stage to giggle and cackle incoherently is not working. She's completely out of her element. Might as well put a german shepherd with a chew toy up there.

 

[The Sage of Main Street]

Kamela Harris was hired to look ethnic and sort of like a woman... I don't think it ever occurred to anyone she would actually try to speak.

Quit Pickin' on the Pickaninny!!!