When was the last time you realized you were the villain in someone else’s story, and cared?

[Anomalism]

We all center ourselves as the protagonists in our narratives, but real accountability begins when you decenter. When you ask who got hurt by your certainty. Whose silence helped me feel righteous?

It's easy to label others as irrational, immoral, or dangerous. It’s harder to admit you may have been that person in someone else’s eyes, and maybe not entirely without reason. If your first instinct is to justify, not examine, that’s the red flag. You didn’t ask who they were. You only asked how they made you feel.

The real question isn’t “Have I been misunderstood?” It’s “Did I even try to understand how I made them feel?”

If you can face your role in someone else’s harm, even when it wasn’t intentional, you unlock the ability to transform, not just defend. Growth begins when you stop asking, “How do I stay the hero?”
and start asking, “What kind of person would rather heal than win?”

 

[1srelluc]

Jeez, what's up with you spamming the board lately?

 

[Oddball]

Never cared.

I was born with the gift of not giving a ratsass what others think of me.

 

[Anathema]

Never. I know I’m generally the bad guy, only occasionally the anti-hero in the story of my life AND I LOVE IT!!! I piss people off. I make peoples lives harder than they need to be. I offend just for the purpose of being offensive.

 

[Correll]

We all center ourselves as the protagonists in our narratives, but real accountability begins when you decenter. When you ask who got hurt by your certainty. Whose silence helped me feel righteous?

It's easy to label others as irrational, immoral, or dangerous. It’s harder to admit you may have been that person in someone else’s eyes, and maybe not entirely without reason. If your first instinct is to justify, not examine, that’s the red flag. You didn’t ask who they were. You only asked how they made you feel.

The real question isn’t “Have I been misunderstood?” It’s “Did I even try to understand how I made them feel?”

If you can face your role in someone else’s harm, even when it wasn’t intentional, you unlock the ability to transform, not just defend. Growth begins when you stop asking, “How do I stay the hero?”
and start asking, “What kind of person would rather heal than win?”

When is the last time YOU did this?

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

Earlier today with you.

I don't put up with nonsense.

 

[Anomalism]

When is the last time YOU did this?

You may not think so, but I tirelessly try to live by what I preach, to the point of existential weariness. I am not perfect, and if I appeared to be projecting that I am, I apologize. I am far from perfect. These are values I strive for, not embody at all times.

 

[Anomalism]

Earlier today with you.

I don't put up with nonsense.

You're not a bad guy in my story.

Just stubborn and proud, which are qualities I respect, even if they lead to misunderstanding.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

You're not a bad guy in my story.

Just stubborn and proud, which are qualities I respect, even if they lead to misunderstanding.

Thank you. I am both, yes.

 

[Anomalism]

Thank you. I am both, yes.

I'm sure you have every reason to be. I hope I've managed to convey that I was never approaching from a position of authority or perfection. I'm just trying to figure this thing out too.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

I'm sure you have every reason to be. I hope I've managed to convey that I was never approaching from a position of authority or perfection. I'm just trying to figure this thing out too.

We all are, some better than others, many better than me.

 

[braalian]

If you think you’re the “vilain” in somebody else’s life story, you’re probably vastly overestimating your role

 

[Anomalism]

If you think you’re the “vilain” in somebody else’s life story, you’re probably vastly overestimating your role

Maybe, or maybe it's just the humility to acknowledge that we affect people in ways we don’t always notice, and that being the villain doesn’t always require malice or power. Sometimes it just means we hurt someone by being careless, closed off, or too wrapped up in our own righteousness to see the impact. The point isn’t self-importance. It’s self-examination.

You might be misunderstanding the intent of the word in this context.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

I had a relative (narcissistic sociopath) to whom I was the villain to her in her 2-dimensional drama. Finally, I had to visit a Skinwalker. She died of cancer.

 

[Dr.Destructo]

I've ALWAYS been the villain in peoples stories........people who know me.

They know I love it, and they know I don't care.

But once in a while, I will get thrown for a loop.

Sometimes I take on people who need some life coaching and have a little knowledge pumped into their lives.
This doesn't happen often, but when it does, I take it very seriously to be as honest and open about everything, as I explain everything I say and do, so they understand me and what I am doing or saying is for their benefit alone.

I got thrown for a big loop with one of these people I was helping out and was told by a third party that I said something horrible to them and it crushed their feelings. I was beside myself, as I would NEVER do that to anyone I was helping in this manner. It hurts me pretty bad that I do all this in-depth explaining, and they took something in such an opposing way that it hurt them pretty badly.

But it's always a case of they didn't ask questions about what I was talking about and came to a conclusion about the subject that I would have never dreamed of on my own. It makes me feel better that I really didn't **** anything up, but still feel bad that they weren't taking me at my word about what I was doing and how I was helping them. But it's forgiven quickly. It's chalked up to them learing "the hard way" about my teaching methods and I'm not lying to them when I tell them how I am and what its going to be like learning from me.

 

[Leo123]

Never. I know I’m generally the bad guy, only occasionally the anti-hero in the story of my life AND I LOVE IT!!! I piss people off. I make peoples lives harder than they need to be. I offend just for the purpose of being offensive.

Well, that was offensive....

 

[Leo123]

I was in a band in SF around '67-'68 playing at a club in Berkeley, CA. Some guy from the audience wanted to come on stage jam for a bit, I said no. It was (as I found out later) Elvin Bishop. OOPS...My bad. I don't think he felt bad but I sure do!!!

 

[Anathema]

Well, that was offensive....

Good. Then it did its job.

 

[BothWings]

"We all"?
Speak for yourself!

 

[Anomalism]

"We all"?
Speak for yourself!

Damn.

My bad Buddha.