Trump Lures Gay Ayatollah Out Of Hiding With Cardboard Cutout Of David Hasselhoff

[Votto]

Trump Lures Gay Ayatollah Out Of Hiding With Cardboard Cutout Of David Hasselhoff​

World·Mar 17, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

TEHRAN — At President Donald Trump's direction, the U.S. military successfully took out Iran's new gay supreme leader by luring him out of his bunker with a cardboard cutout of Baywatch star David Hasselhoff.

As part of Operation Hot Hoff, SEAL Team Six reportedly trained night and day for weeks ahead of a planned ground incursion in which they strategically set up a cardboard cutout of David Hasselhoff designed to look lost and in need of male companionship.

It was only a matter of time before Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei, who sources indicated was gay, fell for the devious trap and was eliminated.

"No one can resist The Hoff," Trump said. "Even I get kind of hot and bothered thinking about him, and there's no one straighter than me, believe me. He was in Knight Rider, you know. Had a talking car. Not many people remember that, but I do. Not even Elon could make that car. Maybe he can. I should call him."

According to Pentagon officials, at approximately 0400, the gay ayatollah exited his bunker to offer food and shelter to the handsome cardboard cutout. "Come, rest your muscles with my underground man harem," Khamenei reportedly said before being blown to bits. "It must be hard running up and down the beach all day."

Fox News personality Sean Hannity reported on the successful attack just hours later, calling it the most "explosive display of 4D chess" he'd ever seen. "Few presidents in our nation's great history could pull off such a feat," he said. "Maybe Calvin Coolidge. Man, that guy was cool. But he didn't have David Hasselhoff."

At publishing time, the death of the gay supreme leader was celebrated by the Iranian people with a Baywatch marathon.

 

[Votto]

1. The rainbow scarf in the picture you idiot. Yea, I almost missed that as well, so..............

2. He has attempted to throw himself off a roof top on several occasions. Luckily, the tallest building in Iran is only as tall as a ranch thanks to their primitive building abilities, so each attempt ended in failure.

3. His father rebuked him for his Judy Garland album collection but took some comfort in thinking that at least he finally is showing some interest in the opposite sex.

4. The large black dildo that is always found under his prayer rug. Yea, there is a reason he always prays in private.

5. All of his children look like Mohammad the milk man instead of looking like him.

6. He refuses to negotiate for peace with any US politicians EXCEPT for Lindsay Graham. Yep, red flag.

7. His entire harem has to shave, that is, except the ones with a beard.

8. A friend of his is rumored to have confided in him saying, "If Mohammad can have a 6-year-old wife, then I can have a 40-year-old husband, it's just that simple." Hard to argue with that kind of logic.

9. He owns the only known Pink Quran. And no, no one believes you when you say you are color blind.

 

[luiza]

As distinct from Kennedy and Clinton who were surely never Gay .

Well .
Not openly .
( just two of the many American Fruit Bats)