There was this guy....

[Natural Citizen]

...who got the death penalty.

Anyway, before they were getting ready to shoot him up or whatever, he made one last request.

He asked if he could sing one song in its entirety.

So the State boys looked at each other...then looked at their watches...then the Priest said, well you'll have to skip your last rights.

So the guy was like, okay, no problem.

And then they said, alright, go ahead.

So the guy started singing.

One trillion bottles of beer on the wall, one trillion bottles of beer...take one down, pass it around, 999 billion, 999 million, 999 thousand, 999 bottles of beer on the wall......

 

[Natural Citizen]

Heh heh...

 

[Stann]

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring ? He decided to stick it out for one more year.

 

[Stann]

" God gave us a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time. "-Robin Williams.

 

[Stann]

" At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind. "-Rodney Dangerfield

 

[Stann]

Are guys in a hotel lobby, waiting to check in. His cell phone starts ringing, and as he fumbles to retrieve it from his pocket, his elbow accidentally bumps into the breast of the woman standing in front of him. They're both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, " Miss, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me. The woman replies, " If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 827. "

 

[Stann]

" The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it. " - Truman Capote

 

[Stann]

Five reasons not to be a penis: 1. You're bald your whole life. 2. You have a hole in your head. 3. Your neighbors are nuts. 4. The guy behind you is an asshole. And if these aren't bad enough.... 5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then you faint. ( This and the previous jokes about penises were all in a little book called the penis book. )

 

[aaronleland]

I actually hope this is Natural Citizen's biograghy.

 

[BackAgain]

Why is this in the Religion forum?

 

[OhPleaseJustQuit]

...who got the death penalty.

Anyway, before they were getting ready to shoot him up or whatever, he made one last request.

He asked if he could sing one song in its entirety.

So the State boys looked at each other...then looked at their watches...then the Priest said, well you'll have to skip your last rights.

So the guy was like, okay, no problem.

And then they said, alright, go ahead.

So the guy started singing.

One trillion bottles of beer on the wall, one trillion bottles of beer...take one down, pass it around, 999 billion, 999 million, 999 thousand, 999 bottles of beer on the wall......

One bullet here in the gun, One bullet here.
Pull the trigger, shoot the fool,
BOOM!

 

[Stann]

Why is this in the Religion forum?

?

 

[BackAgain]

?

Uhm. It isn’t. It was just a joke.

ok. Not a very good one.

 

[Stann]

Uhm. It isn’t. It was just a joke.

ok. Not a very good one.

Let me tell you a story about my dick. Never mind it's too long.

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

Pecker picks..........


Real disappointment--
6'-5" with 4"


My boyfriend is stopping by on his lunch break, cause he just found out I got a job as a stripper. I think he has a boner to pick with me.


So, you work at a sperm bank? What's that like?
Oh, it has its ups and downs.


What's it like having drunk sex?
It's a pain in the ass.


My dick isn't small, it's travel size.


My dick loves to play that 90's game where you
"bop it", "twist it", "pull it"


I like to tell dick jokes, but people think I'm cocky when I do.


How do you get Dick from Richard??
Buy him a beer and ask nicely.

 

[frigidweirdo]

A bunch of soldiers are send off into the wilderness. For miles around there's only sheep, grass and more sheep. They're stuck in this fort with nothing much to do.

The first night one of the soldiers, a little desperate, disappears into the darkness and has his way with a sheep.
The next night a few guys are ambling off into the darkness.
By the end of the month all the soldiers are off at various points in the night except one guy who's desperate like crazy. He waits until everyone's come back and he sneaks out, takes his sheep and has his way.

Just as the guy's arriving back at the fort he hears some sniggering. He looks up and sees some of the guys on the walls looking down.

"What?" He shouts up to them. "You all went off and fucked a sheep"

"Yeah" One of them replies "but you fucked the ugly one."

 

[Larsky]

I don't have a 12 inch dick, but it smells like a foot.