The totally tasteless joke thread

[alan1]

Since some people are overly sensitive to tasteless humor, keep your tasteless jokes here.
I'll start.

What is pink, bloody, crying and sitting in the corner?
A baby with a razor blade.

 

[alan1]

It's Jesus,

 

[RadiomanATL]

Since some people are overly sensitive to tasteless humor, keep your tasteless jokes here.
I'll start.

What is pink, bloody, crying and sitting in the corner?
A baby with a razor blade.

A man goes to his doctor for an annual check up.

The doctor says "I'll need you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample".

The man replies "Right so doctor, I'll bring'em by tomorrow"

When he gets home his wife askes "Well what did he say ?"

The man replies "He needs me to bring in a pair of your underwear."

 

[RadiomanATL]

An Indian tracker is taking some pioneers through the plains in the mid-1800's. Suddenly he stops and points. "Bear have babies." He says.

One of the younger pioneers runs up and asks, "How'd you know that!?."

"I know these things," replied the Indian.

They continue their journey, and a little while later the Indian stops, points, and says, "deer tracks."

"How'd you know that!?" asks the young pioneer once again.

"I know these things."

After another hour of journeying, the Indian jumps of his horse and puts his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come."

"How'd you know that!?"

"Ear wet."

 

[RadiomanATL]

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's liscense.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her liscense.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."

 

[alan1]

Name three things you can't give to an African American.

A black eye, a fat lip and a job.

 

[RadiomanATL]

A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"

Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."

So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.

The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."

To which the mother replied, "April fool!"

 

[AVG-JOE]

What's big and grey and comes in quarts?

Elephants.​

.

 

[AVG-JOE]

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

"See you next month!!!"​

.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Why was Jesus not born in Arkansas?

Couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin...​

.

 

[rdean]

One homeless guy told the other homeless guy that he found a woman up the street and they had sex all day long. The other homeless guy asked, "Did you get some head?" and the first homeless guy said, "No, it was missing".

 

[alan1]

A Texan an Afghan and a Russian were sitting around a campfire and bragging about who can shoot a gun the best.
The Afghan got tired of the braggadocio and grabbed the vodka bottle from the Russian, tossed it in the air, and hit it with his first shot.
The Russian was not going to be outdone so he grabbed the beer bottle from the Texan, tossed it in the air and hit it with his first shot.
The Texan then grabbed the tea cup from the Afghan, tossed it in the air, shot the Afghan and the Russian, then got another beer.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Since some people are overly sensitive to tasteless humor, keep your tasteless jokes here.
I'll start.

What is pink, bloody, crying and sitting in the corner?
A baby with a razor blade.

What's the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of bowling balls?

You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.​

.

 

[RadiomanATL]

The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."

 

[alan1]

Since some people are overly sensitive to tasteless humor, keep your tasteless jokes here.
I'll start.

What is pink, bloody, crying and sitting in the corner?
A baby with a razor blade.

What's the difference between a truck load of babies and a truck load of bowling balls?

You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.​

.

Did you know that only thing more disgusting than a truckload of dead babies was being under a truckload of dead babies and trying to eat your way out.

 

[RadiomanATL]

There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."

 

[RadiomanATL]

A newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach.
On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a slice of watermelon.
The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses.
The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs akimbo, eating another slice of watermelon.
Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" The wife again refuses.
This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each morning the wife would refuse.
However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try and enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks, hesitantly.
"I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon."

 

[alan1]

My friend and I were going to my grandmothers house.
I warned him that she had a small nuisance dog that would try and hump his leg.
He assured me that he was well prepared to deal with that.
Sure enough, the little dog tried to hump his leg.
He picked the little dog up and instantly put a stop to the problem by sucking the dogs dick.

 

[RadiomanATL]

A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?"

The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.

He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to fuck you."

The first daughter says, "That's not true."

He says, "I'll prove it."

He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"

His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."

 

[RadiomanATL]

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!"