Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
Well sir, back in, ohhhh, bout 1993, I reckon, a new musical movement were born. It were called “Grunge”, which meant catchy lyrics and tunes with shitty sounding, loud guitars. This here movement were givin birth to by the band that called itself Nirvana.
See, now, at the time ya’ll had hair metal a’goin’ on. Other than that, there were pop music, which sucked, and underground metal, which rocked but had no audience and, therefore, no distribution. That thar hair metal concept started out ok, but then devolved into the ugly bastard child of 1980’s LA Strip metal and the soulless corporate machine. In short, in the end it sucked dirty donkey ass. Ptooey!! <— me spitting.
So old Curt Co-Bane done up and got hisself together with that thar Dave Grohl fella and that other guy who ain’t got no name, and jest kinda whipped up some of that thar good old Grunge shit!! And it tweren’t bad, if’n I do say so myself.
The first salvo fired by this here anti-establishment trio hit that thar music scene like the swift kick in the balls from a pissed off tranny prostitute when ya ask fer yer money back. It were a lil ditty that were called “Smells Like Teen Spirit”. The video featured hot cheerleaders with the anarchy symbol on thar uniform tops right over one of thar tits. It were just super!!
Then the damnest thang happened. All of modern rock music became eclectic and open to all sorts of influences. It were wide open!!! It truly were a Renaissance moment. Bands the likes of which would otherwise never gits them any airplay were now all over the place on radio, video, and on tour. Those damned old Nirvana boys dun up and changed the entire American music scene!!
Well, it weren’t all peachy and cream, though. See, that thar Co-bane fella had him some demons. But his worst demon were that old skank-ho pig he dun shacked up with. Her name be Courtney Love, which in ancient Peruvian meant “Gold digging skank-ho”. Her brain were completely fried on drugs. Her old cooter hole was so damn big from being overused that ya could fly a 747 jet plane through it without fear of hittin’ the sides.
Somehow, this here skeevy mistress of mediocrity had a hold on old Co-bane. All she really wanted were to piggyback off of his success so that she could attain fame in her own shitty ban called “Cooter Hole”, which fer legal reasons were shorted to jest “Hole”. This here dumb bitch had zero talent. But, she had Co-bane’s wildly successful talent in her hands.
Thangs got so bad fer the old boy that legend has it that Love pushed him into the arms of Michael Stipe fer one of them thar old gay homosexual encounters. She even managed to up and git herself knocked up by Co-bane, thereby cementing her influence over the man.
Then Nirvana’s big test came: thar 2nd album. Would them old fellers turn out a shitty dud of a release, or would they maintain thar place in Grunge history? Everone held thar breath in nervous anticipation. Then BOOM!! It hit harder than a sucker punch to the balls when yer $10 whore rolls ya in alley out back of WalMart.
The first single off of Nirvana 2 were about eating cancer er some shit. Nobody knew. But it were a quirky, rockin good time and anutha great success! Indeed, Co-bane and company remained kings of grunge!! It were another hit!!!
Unfortunately, during all this here success, Co-bane grew very depressed. Demon-Love had completely sucked the soul out of him and replaced it with dark anti-matter. Thar were only one way out of the evil fate that had befallen Co-bane with this skank-ho love: a 12 gauge shotgun.
Why poor Co-bane did not use it on that demon most foul is beyond me. The sad truth it that he turned it on himself. Perhaps he was just too fragile at this point. Nobody will ever know. Love mourned Co-bane’s passing by immediately hitting the road with her shitty band in order yo capitalize on the public’s goodwill toward Co-bane.
The end had come fer the Nirvana. Co-bane were gone. Dave Grohl eventually started his own band. It turns out that David is a very talented and versatile musician. The No-name bass player moved away and nobody has ever heard from him since. In fact, sum folks wonder if he really ever was there in the band and if they are mistakenly remembering there was even a bass player at all.
And that thar is the story of Nirvana. They virtually overnight changed American rock music forever. The lesson we learn from this is that no matter how rich, famous, and powerful ya’ll is, a dirty rotten skank ho will fuck up yer shit!
See, now, at the time ya’ll had hair metal a’goin’ on. Other than that, there were pop music, which sucked, and underground metal, which rocked but had no audience and, therefore, no distribution. That thar hair metal concept started out ok, but then devolved into the ugly bastard child of 1980’s LA Strip metal and the soulless corporate machine. In short, in the end it sucked dirty donkey ass. Ptooey!! <— me spitting.
So old Curt Co-Bane done up and got hisself together with that thar Dave Grohl fella and that other guy who ain’t got no name, and jest kinda whipped up some of that thar good old Grunge shit!! And it tweren’t bad, if’n I do say so myself.
The first salvo fired by this here anti-establishment trio hit that thar music scene like the swift kick in the balls from a pissed off tranny prostitute when ya ask fer yer money back. It were a lil ditty that were called “Smells Like Teen Spirit”. The video featured hot cheerleaders with the anarchy symbol on thar uniform tops right over one of thar tits. It were just super!!
Then the damnest thang happened. All of modern rock music became eclectic and open to all sorts of influences. It were wide open!!! It truly were a Renaissance moment. Bands the likes of which would otherwise never gits them any airplay were now all over the place on radio, video, and on tour. Those damned old Nirvana boys dun up and changed the entire American music scene!!
Well, it weren’t all peachy and cream, though. See, that thar Co-bane fella had him some demons. But his worst demon were that old skank-ho pig he dun shacked up with. Her name be Courtney Love, which in ancient Peruvian meant “Gold digging skank-ho”. Her brain were completely fried on drugs. Her old cooter hole was so damn big from being overused that ya could fly a 747 jet plane through it without fear of hittin’ the sides.
Somehow, this here skeevy mistress of mediocrity had a hold on old Co-bane. All she really wanted were to piggyback off of his success so that she could attain fame in her own shitty ban called “Cooter Hole”, which fer legal reasons were shorted to jest “Hole”. This here dumb bitch had zero talent. But, she had Co-bane’s wildly successful talent in her hands.
Thangs got so bad fer the old boy that legend has it that Love pushed him into the arms of Michael Stipe fer one of them thar old gay homosexual encounters. She even managed to up and git herself knocked up by Co-bane, thereby cementing her influence over the man.
Then Nirvana’s big test came: thar 2nd album. Would them old fellers turn out a shitty dud of a release, or would they maintain thar place in Grunge history? Everone held thar breath in nervous anticipation. Then BOOM!! It hit harder than a sucker punch to the balls when yer $10 whore rolls ya in alley out back of WalMart.
The first single off of Nirvana 2 were about eating cancer er some shit. Nobody knew. But it were a quirky, rockin good time and anutha great success! Indeed, Co-bane and company remained kings of grunge!! It were another hit!!!
Unfortunately, during all this here success, Co-bane grew very depressed. Demon-Love had completely sucked the soul out of him and replaced it with dark anti-matter. Thar were only one way out of the evil fate that had befallen Co-bane with this skank-ho love: a 12 gauge shotgun.
Why poor Co-bane did not use it on that demon most foul is beyond me. The sad truth it that he turned it on himself. Perhaps he was just too fragile at this point. Nobody will ever know. Love mourned Co-bane’s passing by immediately hitting the road with her shitty band in order yo capitalize on the public’s goodwill toward Co-bane.
The end had come fer the Nirvana. Co-bane were gone. Dave Grohl eventually started his own band. It turns out that David is a very talented and versatile musician. The No-name bass player moved away and nobody has ever heard from him since. In fact, sum folks wonder if he really ever was there in the band and if they are mistakenly remembering there was even a bass player at all.
And that thar is the story of Nirvana. They virtually overnight changed American rock music forever. The lesson we learn from this is that no matter how rich, famous, and powerful ya’ll is, a dirty rotten skank ho will fuck up yer shit!
