The Balaclava

[Abishai100]

This sarcastic-wit short-story was inspired by my love of the 'presentation-bravado' films 12 Monkeys, Snatch, and The Town.



=====

Derek looked at his digital watch. It read 10 a.m. Everything was set. Derek and his '12 Monkeys' gang (comprised at the moment of 5 individuals who prepped for today's 'stunt') were ready to storm into the Philadelphia Zoo in white dress shirts and monkey-caps carrying water-pistols and megaphones and ready to deliver a sermon-like pageantry showcase about animal rights and eco-consciousness in front of the visitors (and hopefully be caught on camera for the TV news).

Samuels was parked outside the Los Angeles Federal Reserve Bank at 10 a.m. He stroked the stylish green handkerchief hanging out of his silk jacket before putting on his ski-mask. There were three other individuals in his car, all with silk jackets, green handkerchiefs, and ski-masks. Samuels called his gang the 'Masked Avengers.' The gang was ready to pull off the greatest bank robbery in the history of Los Angeles, and the proceeds would go to the Irish Republican Army (IRA), which the Masked Avengers would proudly announce during the robbery (for the news).

Detective Allen was sitting late at night in his federal office in Washington, D.C. In front of him lay the files of the 'eco-terrorism' display by the 12 Monkeys gang and the 'pro-IRA' bank robbery by the Masked Avengers. Allen brooded, "Are the 12 Monkeys completely legal political protesters? Are the Masked Avengers simply criminally-minded punishable terrorists?" He wrote a memo to the FBI which presented his conclusion that the Masked Avengers needed to be criminalized, while the 12 Monkeys should be politicized --- and then discussed in relevant public forums.

Derek stared into the camera on the Oprah Winfrey show. As Oprah sat in front of him with a gleeful grin and complimented him on his incendiary work with peaceful eco-activism, which was now being lauded in the national press as 'progressive street-politics,' Derek laughed and thanked God that his 12 Monkeys did not suffer the same fate as the pro-IRA Masked Avengers (led by Samuels). Oprah congratulated Derek. Meanwhile as the lights dimmed in the prison cell of Samuels who was getting ready for sleep, the leader of the Masked Avengers mused about the sudden TV celebrity of the 'eco-activist' 12 Monkeys and swore to bring his pro-IRA gang back to a level of capitalism-prestige. Ironically, Derek and Samuels were both avid fans of the witty American comic book anti-hero Deadpool (Marvel Comics). Would they butt heads?

=====





Deadpool

 

[Abishai100]

"Jason's Rehabilitation"

I really like how this parody approach to storytelling went, so I'm going to make a spin on this theme with some characters from folk legend I really like. Enjoy!



====

Shiva was walking across a forest path in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey (USA) when he came across Kali (his girlfriend) who was doing the same. Shiva asked Kali what she was doing in the forest, and she told him she was looking for Jason (the psychotic hockey-mask wearing zombie who prowls around the woods with a machete). Shiva was shocked and told Kali to go home, since he himself was searching for Jason, to engage in some kind of conversation and hopefully dissuade him from murderous instincts. Kali refused and demanded to debate with Shiva about who should confront Jason.

SHIVA: This is a man’s work.
KALI: Jason needs a woman’s touch.
SHIVA: Jason will chop your head off.
KALI: I am much wiser than you.
SHIVA: Even so, Jason will be excited to scare a woman.
KALI: You are not above fear.
SHIVA: No, but Jason thinks he is, and he’ll attack you.
KALI: If women can lead nations, they can comfort Jason.
SHIVA: If Jason was in a mental institution, I’d agree with you.
KALI: OK, you convince him to go to a mental institution, and I’ll care for him there.
SHIVA: That’s a deal!
KALI: I’ll go home now. Be careful.
SHIVA: Don’t worry, I know what to do.
KALI: Good luck!

Shiva kept walking and realized Kali was perfect for a psychiatry session with Jason. However, he realized that he first had to convince the monster to check into a treatment center, and there was no way to convince Jason in normal ways. Shiva decided he would start dancing in front of Jason, so as to ‘pantomime’ the message (with great humor) that friendship is sometimes just as ‘clever’ as terrorism. Just to be safe, Shiva loaded his rope-gun, which he intended to use if Jason tried to attack him.

When Shiva came across Jason, the psycho started walking towards him with his machete. Shiva held up his hand and told the zombie to wait and then started dancing in a comedic but skilful way, using square-dancing and ballet techniques. Jason was confused and actually just watched Shiva perform his little act. At the end of the dancing, Shiva told Jason to come with him where a beautiful and wise woman (as wise as Jason’s mother) would care for his mind. Jason decided to follow Shiva.

When Jason was admitted into the Washington Center for the Criminally Insane, he was placed in a maximum security wing, where Kali (disguised as a female psychiatrist from Harvard) could speak to him and treat him through a microphone-speaker system. Jason was sitting in his padded and secured room, and Kali began talking to him through the microphone-speaker system. Jason felt like he could trust the voice of the woman coming through the system, and he remembered that Shiva promised that Kali would care for him, so Jason assumed it was Kali speaking.

KALI: Listen to my voice, and pretend I’m your mother.
JASON: Mom?
KALI: Yes, Jason. Your mother cares about what you do.
JASON: Sniff.
KALI: I want you to consider drawing pictures of the forest.
JASON: Green.
KALI: Yes, that’s right. The forest is green. Find peace.
JASON: Darkness.
KALI: Replace the darkness with nature, my son.
JASON: Mom!

At the end of the sessions with Kali, Jason was placed in a rehabilitation cell where he spent many days drawing pictures of forests and trees. His advice from Kali proved helpful, and Jason started to think there was another way of life outside the darkness of terror and violence. He also drew pictures of his mother to remind himself of the helpful treatment Kali gave him. Shiva and Kali were delighted and decided to go to Tibet on a vacation to celebrate. When they returned, they decided to give Jason a gift --- a balaclava mask (to replace his hockey-mask). Was this the end of Jason’s reign of insanity?

====

 

[Abishai100]

A Ghoulish Debate: Dystopia


The Hobgoblin (Marvel Comics) is a nice artwork-characterization of the hooded-gear aesthetic giving us 'brain doodles' about balaclava deformity bards.


SHIVA: The Hobgoblin (Marvel Comics) is an iconic creation.
PENNYWISE: He is creepier in some ways than the Green Goblin.
SHIVA: Hobgoblin reminds me of a Halloween spectre.
PENNYWISE: It's possible, though I don't think the art is sold well.
SHIVA: I'd like to wear a balaclava to honor the Hobgoblin.
PENNYWISE: Make sure its a blood-thick orange.
SHIVA: Hobgoblin is a deformity anti-martyr.
PENNYWISE: Hobgoblin is a deformity pro-comedian.
SHIVA: Hobgoblin should become a Halloween detour.
PENNYWISE: I believe anything orange augments the hats of Halloween...

 

[Abishai100]

Aesthetics/Agnosticism

I'm gonna be investigating themes in cinema catering to a 'macho balaclava aesthetic.'


====

Tom Tracy, grandson of Dick Tracy, was facing a criminal city of an entirely new brand. In the days of Dick, profiteers were checked by detectives, but in the new age, it's difficult to tell who is right and wrong, good or evil. Dick Tracy wore a regular hat and trench-coat, but Tom Tracy wore a balaclava and prowled the cities of cold Alaska, looking for signs of mischief and crime; ironically, Tom used to be one of the city's biggest drug dealers but finessed his way out of the criminal underworld to become an self-appointed Christian vigilante on a 'balaclava mission' to uplift the confidence of Alaskans.

Would Tom's mission for redemption work? Would he have to die to make up for his sins? Tom considered the possibility that Christian self-sacrifice was necessary. However, Tom did keep one personal 'luxury discretion': he always wore a bandana around his mouth and sunglasses (even though he was wearing a balaclava) to completely conceal his face during the late hours of the night when he was working as an idealistic vigilante. Tom kept an electric stun-gun and a rope-gun, which he used to terrorize ghouls and vandals and henchmen.

Alaska was plagued by the criminal empire of the ominous Red Hood Gang, a band of warlocks and bandits who always wore a red silk mask and carried berettas. The Red Hood Gang carried out bank robberies, enforced city extortion schemes, organized prostitution and pickpocket rings, orchestrated an international airline narcotics smuggling operation through Anchorage's main airport, and were professed Satanists. The Red Hood Gang would sometimes leave graffiti drawings of a member in a red mask with a symbol of the Devil on it. They were relentless, notorious, impressive, wealthy, and nearly invincible.

Tom Tracy decided to bring down the Red Hood Gang (abbreviated RHG) single-handedly, and these were the acts he pursued to achieve the modern-day miracle:

1. wear balaclava and priest's costume on Halloween and preach on the streets against RHG
2. send letters about criminal arrogance to Alaska newspapers under the pretense signature of RHG
3. start a prostitute's union to undermine the criminal control of the RHG
4. befriend an RHG henchman and steal his mask to go undercover at an RHG meeting and get info
5. assassinate the leader of the RHG in a night-club and make it look like an internal conflict.

Tom Tracy succeeded and became a saint, when, after the RHG leader was dead and his first-knight arrested, a mysterious assassin who knew Tom's whereabouts from a prostitute shot him. The city would remember, more than anything, Tom's balaclava.

====

 

[Abishai100]

The Ghost



====

Tommy was a ski-mask wearing philosopher and mercenary-for-hire whose specialty was assassinating people riding on public transportation vehicles (subway trains, buses, Amtrak). He took one last job for a new Chechnyan opium gang trying to establish an anti-Russian presence in Moscow following the unattractive separation of Chechnya from Mother Russia. Moscow was more or less ruled by the hand of the Russian mafia following the collapse of the Soviet Union, and the Russian mafia controlled the 'pedestrian heartbeat' of Moscow. The name of the Chechnyan gang was Red Rose and it was led by a pro-Bolshevist named Igor who believed Mother Russia had strayed from the stabilizing founding principles of Lenin.

Igor wanted to infiltrate the pockets of power occupied by the Russian mafia and thereby establish a new pro-Chechnyan presence in a Moscow that had the potential to become an Eastern European diplomatic urban representative of pro-capitalism politics. However, Moscow was a Russian mafia profiteer's haven, and Igor knew he needed to break their backbone by taking over their control over the narcotics market. Opium was relatively inexpensive and less addictive and labored Russians found it preferable to harsher drugs such as heroin in this new uneasy post-USSR climate. Opium was a 'quick and euphoric' high and users found it generally spiritually inoffensive to buy it. If Igor could use the pedestrian preference for opium in Moscow to subvert the appeal of the Russian mafia, Chechnya could start to build more legal and economic bridges.

Tommy was hired by one of Igor's consultants who were scrolling to find the right mercenary who could handle the sort of urban 'grunt-work' and 'ski-mask work' necessary to penetrate the seedy and unflavorful criminal underworld of Moscow. Tommy always wore a black ski-mask and so decided to ride the Moscow subway trains all night long waiting for members of the Russian mafia to board (which he tracked using insider-information and street knowledge). He elegantly knifed (with a switch-blade), shot (with a silencer-pistol), and strangled (with a fishing line) key members of the Russian mafia (all on subway trains) and then befriended a member of the Russian mafia on a subway. He then gained the trust of the Russian mafia sect this man (named Ran) belonged to and began selling opium for them on the street, all the while using his newfound opium ring contacts to boost the presence of Igor's Chechnyan opium merchants and booths.

After some clever work with socio-street-politics sabotage and communication skills, Tommy was able to bring the highways of Igor's opium ring to prominence and disintegrate the rails of Ran's opium ring. However, Tommy also became good friends with Ran (the two would go out drinking and singing), and Ran kept asking him why he always wore a ski mask, to which Tommy would giggle and respond that if he took his mask off, his head would fall off (since he was actually a ghost!). Ran soon discovered that Tommy was working for Igor's opium ring secretly all along and confronted his friend and said, "Now that your mercenary mission is accomplished, and the Chechnyans are here to stay, I suppose you'll disappear and forget all the memories we shared, as I trusted you (like a buffoon); you must have been grinning at me underneath that ski-mask of yours this whole time!" Tommy then slowly took his black balaclava (ski-mask) off (on a subway train he and Ran were riding in during this confrontational conversation --- the two were the only ones on board in their section of the train), and his head fell off (and his body disappeared). "The balaclava-man was a ghost!" Ran exclaimed!


====

 

[Abishai100]

Red Robin



====

The Red Hood Gang had just been abandoned by their maniacal leader Jack Napier (aka, the 'Joker') and Jason Todd, formerly Robin (assistant to the heroic Dark Knight) took up the reins after he parted ways with Gotham City billionaire and businessman-socialite Bruce Wayne (aka, 'Batman'). Robin/Todd called himself 'Red Robin' (a pun on the Red Robin franchise of American restaurants in North America). As their new leader, Red Robin declared that his Red Hood Gang would travel to a federally-insured bank in Washington, D.C. (the nation's capital --- where former Gotham D.A. Harvey Dent was now working) and rob it with a fake camera crew and water-guns, claiming they were from the EPA sent on a PR stunt (alarms disarmed the night before with the help of a bank inside-man) to promote 'pure water.'

Batman showed up at the bank with a megaphone and yelled, "If the Red Hood Gang is pro-EPA, why are they advertising pure water with violence-subliminal water-pistols?" Red Robin had tipped off Batman, telling him his gang would dare to achieve the stunt on Halloween Eve (to see what Batman would do), and Batman showed up (outfitted) with the challenge to Red Robin's strange and exotic 'water-pistol stunt.' Suddenly, everyone knew what Batman knew all along --- the Red Hood Gang had no interest in the EPA but were simply robbers here to seduce the media. Batman stormed in with his rope-gun and tied up Red Robin and his gang but not before one of them was able to shoot a tranquilizer dart into Batman's neck. As the GCPD hauled the Red Hood Gang off to Arkham Asylum, Batman fainted and went into a state of unconsciousness. Red Robin promised himself that if his gang disappeared, his prodigal son (an African-American trainee named Kanye) would take up the reins as the brand-new Red Robin to continue their anti-establishmentarianism mission.

Two months later, after the Red Hood Gang escaped from Arkham (with the help of Ra's al Ghul), Red Robin planned a series of robberies across North America culminating in Gotham City. During each robbery, the Red Hood Gang wore red balaclavas and white-collared buttoned-down dress shirts (and red neckties) with fake red blood lined along the shirt collars. Their new mission statement was that they were vampires, not 'pro-EPA eco-terrorists.' Red Robin explained that his gang was interested in vampirism, since the current federal banking system in the USA was like a cutthroat labyrinth of crooks, which included the terrible Gotham City mafia boss Falcone (and his unscrupulous mistress and night-club owner Fish Mooney). Gothamites were baffled about Red Robin's odd fascination with vampires, but Batman sent in a notice to the Gotham Gazette promising that Bruce Wayne's company (Wayne Enterprises) would invest money in the eco-research of marsupial and nocturnal animal and bat environments and their protection in North America, so the 'pseudo-pro-EPA' Red Hood Gang would feel less 'anxious' about leeching behaviors akin to vampires or bats.

====