But I have an even better plan for solving the problems of the Middle East !!
Now, now --- don't everyone start offering me the Nobel Prize all at once; 'twarn't nuthin' !
My program for solving the problems of the Mideast is, as usual, blindingly simple, clear and effective. The United States should, in that spirit of true generosity which it incessantly praises itself for possessing in great abundance, give the southern half of Florida to the state of Israel as New Israel, in exchange for removing itself from the Middle East!
Surely, in common decency, considering the great evil which the US has inflicted on the Middle East for more than half-a-century, it is the least it can do to repair the damage it has caused. Jews obviously like Florida -- there are so many there already -- therefore the transition should be easy. After being cooped-up in that dangerous, god-forsaken, postage-stamp-sized desert where they are now, New Israel should make them happy as clams. They will come to see New Israel as the TRUE Land of Milk and Honey which was foretold in their scriptures.
Perhaps the New Temple can be built at Disneyland, where, every day, hundreds of cattle, sheep and goats can be slaughtered and burned to delight the Nostrils of the Lord and the hearts of the pious!
It will be a win-win situation for everybody. The New Israelites will have a safe, clean, prosperous land to develop. They will finally be able to earn their own keep. The United States will no longer need to spend countless billions of dollars of its treasure in the vain attempt to prop up a doomed country in a hostile region. The Arabs will be over-joyed to take possession of the desert wasteland they covet so much. This sense of victory will give a much-needed boost to their sense of self-confidence after having defeated themselves in so many wars. I am sure that in exchange for this settlement of outstanding grievances they would gladly allow those few Jewish religious conservatives who did not want to emigrate to the fleshpots of New Israel to end their days in contentment, happily and peacefully beating their heads against the Wailing Wall.
Also, after a few years, when tempers have had time to cool down, the Arabs will probably be begging New Israelite technicians and scientists to return to the Middle East, in order to help them develop their economies and educational institutions. [That was the way Zionism was originally supposed to work -- remember?]
It is true that there will be a few losers in the otherwise astounding perfection of this scheme. There will be a few fundamentalist Christians who will be deeply saddened that, due to the absence of a Jewish government in Jerusalem, the End of the World will have to be postponed. I would console them with the reflection that it is the Will of the Almighty that life be a vale of tears for the Elect of God.
Lastly---and this is the clincher---the consideration which will make the American people, nay, the people of the entire world, embrace this proposal with fervor: once this brilliant plan is implemented something finally will be done about global warming! The citizens of New Israel will move heaven and earth to prevent so much valuable real estate from being swallowed up by rising sea-levels!
I am in awe of the wondrous radiance of my beautiful mind!
I am a true American!
