Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

[rightwinger]

I think my parents hated me

When I was a kid, my bath toys were a Toaster and a Blender

 

[rightwinger]

I was an ugly kid…

Whenever my father wanted to have sex, my mother would show him my picture

 

[rightwinger]

I don’t know about my wife

Last night I fell asleep with a cigarette in my mouth….
She lit it

 

[shockedcanadian]

I was an ugly kid…

Whenever my father wanted to have sex, my mother would show him my picture

The one ugly kid joke I always remember is the one in which he says "I was an ugly kid, my dad would keep the free baby photo that came with the wallet". The first time I heard it I just bawled with laughter

 

[Muhammed]

I know I'm ugly. I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

 

[1srelluc]

My wife is the worst cook, even her toast has bones in it.

 

[rightwinger]

Two drunks are walking down the street and they see a dog lying on the side of the road licking himself.

One drunks says…..Damn, I wish I could do that

The other guy says…..Why don’t you pet him, maybe he’ll let ya

 

[iamwhatiseem]

“I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, ‘Wait til it gets warmer.’”

 

[rightwinger]

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

 

[rightwinger]

I told my wife she was bad in bed. She went out and got a second opinion.