- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
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This is a serious A.I. fantasy-adventure capitalism-parable ironically inspired by Jerry Maguire.
Cheers (signing off),
====
The evil calculating robot Cyclonus was visiting the robotic planet of Cybertron during the era of global warming signals. The engineer of Cybertron, Shockwave, picked up mysterious heat signals coming from the oddly changing climate systems on the planet Earth. Cyclonus wanted to know how he could profit from global warming, and Shockwave explained to him that human beings were busy celebrating the unlikely victory of the underdog Philadelphia Eagles (NFL) over the seemingly-indomitable New England Patriots in Super Bowl 52 [2018]. Cyclonus was intrigued, especially since he knew that the giant megamind robot Unicron had plans to invade Earth on Valentine's Day.
Cybertron was abuzz with activity. Rodimus Prime, Cyclonus's rival and rumoured heir to the Autobot kingdom, wanted to challenge Cyclonus's friends --- the evil 'Decepticons.' Rodimus wanted to help humanity during this terrible global warming struggle. Rodimus also knew, like Cyclonus, that Unicron was approaching Earth to destroy humanity's sense of Utopian hope. Rodimus wondered if Cyclonus would actually end up helping Unicron as some kind of fear-mongering 'ally.' Cybertron was a dreamy planet of wires and beautiful robots. Would Earth be swallowed by Unicron, or would Rodimus and Cyclonus alter Earth's destiny in ways that were basically unpredictable?
Unicron hated everything, and every sentient being was an obstacle to his goal of complete universal domination. Unicron understood that all forms of patriotism could be 'salted' with ideas regarding rebelliousness and yearnings for power. Unicron wanted to manipulate Cyclonus so the Decepticon robot would bow to this commands and serve as his 'first-knight.' However, Unicron did not plant on Rodimus Prime trying to intercept him and prevent him from reaching Earth before he did. Unicron began to think of ways to turn Rodimus and Cyclonus against each other so they'd destroy each other and remove further obstacles to Unicron's newest plan to swallow the Earth.
Unicron sent a mysterious engineering-code signal to NASA on Earth. The signal contained blueprints for making a model-toy replica of Unicron himself. The signal also contained political communication, indicating that the building of this symbolic 'alien-toy' would serve as a peace symbol once Unicron arrived on Earth to make contact with humanity. NASA was very excited and a NASA officer named Ted Randy began work with a toy-designer at Hasbro to build the Unicron replica-toy. The deadline was two weeks, so time was not to be wasted. Meanwhile, Rodimus and Cyclonus raced towards Earth to meet with humanity before Unicron did something terrible(!). Unicron was full of ambition and malice. What would be the outcome?
When Unicron arrived at a safe viewing distance from Earth, he noticed that humans were cheering for the underdog Eagles (NFL) who had just defeated the Patriots in the Super Bowl(!). Unicron noticed that the Atlanta Falcons QB (Mike Vick) temporarily played for the Eagles and started becoming curious about team mascots and logos. The Falcons logo was a rigid-looking red-and-black falcon-bird (resembling a robot!), and Unicron realized that the logo resembled the Cybertron Decepticon robot Laserbeak, a laser-enhanced flying bird robot who could transform into an espionage-geared audio cassette(!). Unicron began wondering if he should destroy the Atlanta Falcons(!). Fortunately, Rodimus just arrived to save the day.
RODIMUS: What the hell are you doing here, Unicron?
UNICRON: I'm here to destroy Earth, you fool!
RODIMUS: You're insane. I will stop you...
UNICRON: I've already sent for Cyclonus to kill you first.
RODIMUS: No, Unicron; Cyclonus is still in Cybertron.
UNICRON: You outwitted me; you're insolent.
RODIMUS: No one wants your plan of fascism...
UNICRON: I'm surrounded by capitalist minions.
RODIMUS: I suppose you want to disrupt post-Super Bowl festivities.
UNICRON: I might destroy this team, the Atlanta Falcons.
RODIMUS: I know that team; it's a good team; they reached Super Bowl 51.
UNICRON: Yes, and they lost to the gargantuan New England Patriots.
RODIMUS: No matter, since the Eagles decidedly defeated the Patriots now.
UNICRON: Why do you care about humans playing football?
RODIMUS: I care about humans working to solve global warming with good cheer.
UNICRON: You think humanity cares about the American Bald Eagle?
RODIMUS: Humans care about conservationism, and the Falcons are honourable!
UNICRON: These humans care about daydreams and movies, but I'll make you a wager.
RODIMUS: Alright.
UNICRON: Prove that the Falcons/Eagles care about animals, and I'll spare Earth.
RODIMUS: If those teams were apathetic, humans would not think of them as youthful.
UNICRON: Your 'youthfulness' allusion is clever; I'll spare Earth (but capitalists must bathe).
====
Cheers (signing off),
====
The evil calculating robot Cyclonus was visiting the robotic planet of Cybertron during the era of global warming signals. The engineer of Cybertron, Shockwave, picked up mysterious heat signals coming from the oddly changing climate systems on the planet Earth. Cyclonus wanted to know how he could profit from global warming, and Shockwave explained to him that human beings were busy celebrating the unlikely victory of the underdog Philadelphia Eagles (NFL) over the seemingly-indomitable New England Patriots in Super Bowl 52 [2018]. Cyclonus was intrigued, especially since he knew that the giant megamind robot Unicron had plans to invade Earth on Valentine's Day.
Cybertron was abuzz with activity. Rodimus Prime, Cyclonus's rival and rumoured heir to the Autobot kingdom, wanted to challenge Cyclonus's friends --- the evil 'Decepticons.' Rodimus wanted to help humanity during this terrible global warming struggle. Rodimus also knew, like Cyclonus, that Unicron was approaching Earth to destroy humanity's sense of Utopian hope. Rodimus wondered if Cyclonus would actually end up helping Unicron as some kind of fear-mongering 'ally.' Cybertron was a dreamy planet of wires and beautiful robots. Would Earth be swallowed by Unicron, or would Rodimus and Cyclonus alter Earth's destiny in ways that were basically unpredictable?
Unicron hated everything, and every sentient being was an obstacle to his goal of complete universal domination. Unicron understood that all forms of patriotism could be 'salted' with ideas regarding rebelliousness and yearnings for power. Unicron wanted to manipulate Cyclonus so the Decepticon robot would bow to this commands and serve as his 'first-knight.' However, Unicron did not plant on Rodimus Prime trying to intercept him and prevent him from reaching Earth before he did. Unicron began to think of ways to turn Rodimus and Cyclonus against each other so they'd destroy each other and remove further obstacles to Unicron's newest plan to swallow the Earth.
Unicron sent a mysterious engineering-code signal to NASA on Earth. The signal contained blueprints for making a model-toy replica of Unicron himself. The signal also contained political communication, indicating that the building of this symbolic 'alien-toy' would serve as a peace symbol once Unicron arrived on Earth to make contact with humanity. NASA was very excited and a NASA officer named Ted Randy began work with a toy-designer at Hasbro to build the Unicron replica-toy. The deadline was two weeks, so time was not to be wasted. Meanwhile, Rodimus and Cyclonus raced towards Earth to meet with humanity before Unicron did something terrible(!). Unicron was full of ambition and malice. What would be the outcome?
When Unicron arrived at a safe viewing distance from Earth, he noticed that humans were cheering for the underdog Eagles (NFL) who had just defeated the Patriots in the Super Bowl(!). Unicron noticed that the Atlanta Falcons QB (Mike Vick) temporarily played for the Eagles and started becoming curious about team mascots and logos. The Falcons logo was a rigid-looking red-and-black falcon-bird (resembling a robot!), and Unicron realized that the logo resembled the Cybertron Decepticon robot Laserbeak, a laser-enhanced flying bird robot who could transform into an espionage-geared audio cassette(!). Unicron began wondering if he should destroy the Atlanta Falcons(!). Fortunately, Rodimus just arrived to save the day.
RODIMUS: What the hell are you doing here, Unicron?
UNICRON: I'm here to destroy Earth, you fool!
RODIMUS: You're insane. I will stop you...
UNICRON: I've already sent for Cyclonus to kill you first.
RODIMUS: No, Unicron; Cyclonus is still in Cybertron.
UNICRON: You outwitted me; you're insolent.
RODIMUS: No one wants your plan of fascism...
UNICRON: I'm surrounded by capitalist minions.
RODIMUS: I suppose you want to disrupt post-Super Bowl festivities.
UNICRON: I might destroy this team, the Atlanta Falcons.
RODIMUS: I know that team; it's a good team; they reached Super Bowl 51.
UNICRON: Yes, and they lost to the gargantuan New England Patriots.
RODIMUS: No matter, since the Eagles decidedly defeated the Patriots now.
UNICRON: Why do you care about humans playing football?
RODIMUS: I care about humans working to solve global warming with good cheer.
UNICRON: You think humanity cares about the American Bald Eagle?
RODIMUS: Humans care about conservationism, and the Falcons are honourable!
UNICRON: These humans care about daydreams and movies, but I'll make you a wager.
RODIMUS: Alright.
UNICRON: Prove that the Falcons/Eagles care about animals, and I'll spare Earth.
RODIMUS: If those teams were apathetic, humans would not think of them as youthful.
UNICRON: Your 'youthfulness' allusion is clever; I'll spare Earth (but capitalists must bathe).
====
