political convention humor

Aquarian

Member
Oct 16, 2003
440
2
16
both sides, so it's even :)


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REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting Your Kid a Military Deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Freedom Fries served
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Karl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple
10:30 PM Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk_Macho...Even When You Feel Squishy Inside
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy
11:10 PM Hillary Clinton Piñata
11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

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PROPOSED ITINERARY FOR DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

6:00 p.m. - Opening flag burning ceremony
6:30 p.m. - Anti-war rally #1
6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:00 p.m. - Tribute to France
7:10 p.m. - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund
7:20 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25 p.m. - Tribute to Spain
7:45 p.m. - Anti-war rally #2 (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:00 p.m.- John Kerry presents one side of the issue
8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:30 p.m. - Terrorist appeasement workshop
9:00 p.m. - Gay marriage ceremony
9:30 p.m. - Intermission
10:00 p.m.- Flag burning ceremony #2
10:15 p.m. - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss
10:30 p.m. - Cameo by Dean...."Yeeearrrrrrrg!!!!"
10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:50 p.m. - Pledge of allegiance to the UN
11:00 p.m. - Double gay marriage ceremony
11:15 p.m. - Workshop on "Maximizing Welfare".
11:20 p.m. - John Kerry presents other side of issue
11:30 p.m. - 'FREE SADDAM' - pep rally
11:59 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:00 00 a.m.- Nomination of Democratic candidate

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