Old and Lonely

[daveman]

"rudderless"?

We have a friend who has worked in rescue for her whole life. She has 3 old cats and says that when the last one dies, she'll be ready to die as well.

Seems like, without rescue work, she has no meaning, no place to go. No rudder.

I think the same thing often happens with some people when they retire. I have such a long bucket list, I'm thrilled not to have to work anymore. And, I still dabble with selling on Amazon and eBay which has actually gotten to be a bit of a hassle that sometimes keeps me from doing things I want to do.

But, some people don't have interests outside their work so retirement just isn't what they want or need.

Interesting thread.

My Dad is 90, my Mom is 87. Neither can do much around the house. Dad has his birdfeeders, and Mom has a new kitten -- one of the feral cats she feeds outside snuck in the house and adopted her. It'll be good for her, I think. She hasn't had an indoor cat in about 10 years.

 

[Bill Angel]

The word you seek is mourning. It pops up at "lonely" moments when memory is all you have left of what once was.

My father is 79. Three years ago my mother died, and my parents were best friends, married for well over fifty years, still lived in the house my father built with his own hands. My father has lost all his siblings now, almost all his friends. I see the sadness in him; it's quiet and resides under the surface and actually shows itself when he is most happy in seeing a grandchild or one of us kids. I'm sure you understand that.

Life is bittersweet. Even at my age, I nearly ache sometimes from my own memory snippets of a wonderful childhood. I doubt there is a single person who ever lived who doesn't long to be 8 years old again from time to time.

Thanks for your post.

I know that feeling, of nostalgia for the pleasant experiences of childhood.
Related to this, several years ago I made of video attempting to blow dandelions, something that I had enjoyed doing as a small child.
Somehow it's just not the same
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deIhtImaxPc"]Several Tries at Dandelion Blowing...[/ame]

 

[Granny]

Interestingly enough, "lonely" is a term used by people who really don't understand what it means to be alone.

Try being orphaned at 8 years old with a younger sibling that you're supposed to be responsible for (my younger 1/2 sister), and have to face the world on your own, only to have your last vestige of family torn from you at the age of 12 because your own family says they can't take care of you anymore.

I went through that, and after a couple of foster families (by myself, because my 1/2 sister was put in another foster family), decided to run away at the age of 16 back to my Grandparents because that was the only place I felt wanted.

I was also commissioned by my Grandparents to go and talk my 1/2 sister to come back to live with us, and when she did, I became the black sheep again.

I joined the military, and still had a hole in my soul, because I didn't really feel that anyone cared, but after a couple of enlistments had a sudden realization....................

Because I was alone, and because I was an orphan, I could build my own family around myself and choose the people that I wanted to be around me.

I used the lessons that I'd learned growing up as to who was good for me, and who wasn't, and was fortunate enough to have decent people around me who were suitable for being included in the family I was building. Many of my former shipmates, as well as many of the people that I've met in my travels through life have proven suitable, as well as some of the people who were part of my "real" (meaning via bloodline) family weren't quite the people that I wanted around me.

One of the great things about being an orphan (and being alone in your travels through life) is that you don't have to depend on "family", because you can build your own.

I currently have several people around me who are no relation to me via bloodline, but they mean more to me than those who are related to me via blood ever did.

You're never lonely unless you want to be, and those that you term "family" should be the ones that you trust and love, regardless of whether or not you're related.

Once you realize that we're all part of the family of Mankind, it makes it easier to choose the relatives you want around you.

It also makes it easier to be a part of the family of Man when you realize that those you were born to can be nastier than those who you meet on the street.

Me? I prefer to be with those who will teach me (as well as correct me when needed), rather than those who simply agree with me because they're related.

I can certainly relate to this. I was put in an orphanage at age 7 simply because I was unwanted. I could not be adopted and was meant to stay there until I got out of high school. Things happen - I came back to live with my mother and begged God to let me be anywhere other than where I was - I wanted to go back to the orphanage and suicide was an option I often considered. Bad as it was I was much better off in the orphanage than with my mother. Like you, I had to make my own way and my own life - and I did - but until the day she died some 10 years ago I guess, my mother did everything she could possibly do to make my life miserable and alienating family from me.

Life goes on. I'm 70 now, have three great children, two grandchildren, a bunch of granddogs ... and a grandgecko. LOL! I have good friends. In spite of it all, I like to say I've had an interesting life rather than a bad life.

 

[JakeStarkey]

Hey, Jake...is your avatar a scene from Second Life?

From a Gary Lewis and the Playboys video, "Count Me In."

 

[Katzndogz]

It would make sense if you were the only 70 year old in the world. You aren't. The strange thing about memories and shared experiences, you make them every day. If you stop and move into an empty past, it really is your fault.

All my old friends are dead. I have new ones, although I'm much pickier than I was, much more discriminating.

I have often wondered if it was non smoking that did them in. Not a one smoked. Only me and heavy at that.

 

[BDBoop]

"Bereft" is as close as I can get.

 

[Gracie]

 

[jon_berzerk]

We walked the lonliest mile
We smile without any style
We kiss alltogether wrong
No intention

We lie about each other's drinks
We live without each other thinking what anyone would do
Without me and you

It's like I told you
Only the lonely can play

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no8ZRIKm6UE]The Motels - Only the Lonely - YouTube[/ame]

 

[Drumhead]

Old Rocks,

We've never communicated here at all. We do not know each other at all. While a youngster at 48, I should not be able to relate to your feelings. But I can. All I can offer here is - do not run out of hope.

Being able to relate with others about what matters to you is very important. The cruelty of life is, that as we age, that option dwindles. But, to use something you wrote about as a means by which you may find a little happiness, consider volunteering at a local school, such as in a history class. I can pretty much guarantee nobody else could give the "eye witness" views to certain events which occurred previously. And giving first-hand insight to not just the event, but how you and others felt and reacted to it, is something I think is sorely missing in many of our lives. If you reached out to a young student in that way, the way you enjoyed as a younger man, you would enrich them beyond measure.

Just a humble opinion from one of many here who have expressed their feelings for you.

 

[Old Rocks]

Thank you all for the sympathy and shared feelings.

For myself, I am quite active, both working, millwright in a steel mill, and taking 9 credits at Portland State University. So it is not like I am sitting home despondent. But as we pass certain mileposts in life, we look back and forward, and realize how many things have changed. And, while I have many new friends, there simply are some things that one has to have experianced to relate to.

I have friends and cousins that were in combat in 'Nam, and, while I can listen to their stories, I cannot truly relate to their emotions, not having that kind of experiance. I am sure many here know exactly what I am speaking of. While one can share a commonality of experiance, it is not the same as a shared experiance. Not on a downer, but recognizing how the number of people with whom I have shared experiances is dwindling. And even though I have many friends, that does not fill the empty spaces left by those gone. I still look forward to the coming years, and new adventures. But, on occasion, wish so badly that I could share some of this with friends from the past.,

 

[Old Rocks]

The word you seek is mourning. It pops up at "lonely" moments when memory is all you have left of what once was.

My father is 79. Three years ago my mother died, and my parents were best friends, married for well over fifty years, still lived in the house my father built with his own hands. My father has lost all his siblings now, almost all his friends. I see the sadness in him; it's quiet and resides under the surface and actually shows itself when he is most happy in seeing a grandchild or one of us kids. I'm sure you understand that.

Life is bittersweet. Even at my age, I nearly ache sometimes from my own memory snippets of a wonderful childhood. I doubt there is a single person who ever lived who doesn't long to be 8 years old again from time to time.

Thanks for your post.

I know that feeling, of nostalgia for the pleasant experiences of childhood.
Related to this, several years ago I made of video attempting to blow dandelions, something that I had enjoyed doing as a small child.
Somehow it's just not the same
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deIhtImaxPc"]Several Tries at Dandelion Blowing...[/ame]

You know, I have had some of the same experiance. There are things that looked so wondrous so many years ago, and while still wonderful, have lost some of the magic in the passing of the years. I can remember the first time I saw a fossil, and realized that this had once been a living creature, how that concept seemed to be a complete wonder. A feeling that I really thought would never be repeated. For how do you repeat the realization of a concept?

But I was wrong. We took an eleven year old neice on a three week trip back to the reservation in North Dakota, and hit all major museums that we could. And I saw that wonder in her eyes, and felt it once again. Even second handed, it was an experiance not to be missed. Also took her on the Madison, and her first fish was a 2 lb german brown.

 

[Freemason9]

Try not caring if you live or die. Wishing that you could just not exist. I am 56 and have felt that way since at least 16. Suicide is not an option as it is against God's law and I have always had someone that depended on me for something. I can not just leave them.

I have not lost any sisters or brothers but my Grandparents and parents and lots of uncles and Aunts are gone.

Lonely, indeed. I have just a couple friends and spend most of my time online.

Old Rocks, take a deep breath, remember your missing friends and family and then just keep going. If you are not an introvert make new friends and acquaintances. There is some joy in remembering but never dwell on it. You will be fine.

The Buddhist way is to avoid longing. The source of all unhappiness in the world is unfulfilled wishes. Accept things; be fully aware in each golden moment, and be a good soul.