If you have seen it....ok. But if you haven't and plan to....SPOILERS AHEAD!
WTF? We have all grown up with Arthur and the Round Table. Different tales at times, written with some light twists, but the writers and producer and director of this shitshow of Season 1 (I refuse to watch a season 2 if they make one, which I doubt since the reviews match what I think), went WAYYYY overboard to get that "diverse" aspect. I can see it now...the discussion around their own table...or via skype since they are all probably liberals afraid to step outside in a real meeting, and came up with this hogwash:
Hey! Let's call it CURSED! Cuz, well, excalibur is a cursed sword. But we won't call it Excalibur.
Don't forget we have to be diverse so everyone can be included! Lets make Arthur a black guy!
Great idea! And lets make his sister Morgana a lesbian nun having an affair with a white nun!
Cool!!!
We need a major heroine. Lets call her Nimue. She will be the Lake Lady that is in charge of the sword but it will be her story BEFORE she becomes the lake lady.
Yeah. And she is Fey. But all the other Feys in the village HATE her because she is a witch!
Yeah! Let's go with that. What else can we do?
Make Merlin not have any powers anymore. And a drunk! We got a Skarsgard to play Merlin, although he is mostly remembered as Floki in Vikings. Lets have him make an ass of Merlin!
We got some fat chick to play Nimue. English broad. Arms like hams, cinched tight at the waist to make her look curvy. Nobody will notice the flab rolls poking out of her kirtle or bulging over the top, and they won't notice she has a double chin and a neck the size of a bull. Nah. She is a WARRIOR witch. A girdle of Spanx will fix how we can pour her into clothes that threaten to split the seams around her arms.
Spanx is a great idea! I can vouch for that! My girlfriend looks HOT in spanx. Until she takes it off.
Back on topic, writers!!! What else can we do to this story to make it appealing to everyone?
Well we need weird looking people. With horns growing out of their heads. And snake people. And red monks who run around killing all the Fey and Weird People cuz they aren't christians. We need a bad ass Red Monk too. Hmmm.Lets make him look like he is weeping all the time. But lets not tell anyone is OUR version of Lancelot.
No. Not til almost the very end.
Fatty Nimue has no personality whatsoever, so how do we make her interesting? Oh. I know. She is in love with Arthur and he with her.
But what about the sword? Its a powerful weapon. Hey! I know! Let put it INSIDE Merlin, which is killing him slowly but is the source of his powers! He can walk, sit, fuck, eat, shit, sleep, be drunk all the time and have that sword IN him. But then he falls in love with a Fey woman and she takes it out of him as he gets sick and begins to die. Right out of him! Hilt in his chest, tip down somewhere but not sure where. Damn thing is almost 4 feet long but I'm sure it will fit somehwere!
Yeah!!! And...lets make Merlin the real father of Chunky Nimue!
Who do we get for the snake people?
Hmmm. Asians? Yeah. Some. The rest maybe hispanic?
Yeah. That will work.
So far so good, people! What else?
*shrugs*
Well, ok. Lets go with what we have written so far and just add in stupid shit now and then, ok? Then we will wait for Netflix to get their acadame awards and shit for it!
Sounds like a plan.
WTF? We have all grown up with Arthur and the Round Table. Different tales at times, written with some light twists, but the writers and producer and director of this shitshow of Season 1 (I refuse to watch a season 2 if they make one, which I doubt since the reviews match what I think), went WAYYYY overboard to get that "diverse" aspect. I can see it now...the discussion around their own table...or via skype since they are all probably liberals afraid to step outside in a real meeting, and came up with this hogwash:
Hey! Let's call it CURSED! Cuz, well, excalibur is a cursed sword. But we won't call it Excalibur.
Don't forget we have to be diverse so everyone can be included! Lets make Arthur a black guy!
Great idea! And lets make his sister Morgana a lesbian nun having an affair with a white nun!
Cool!!!
We need a major heroine. Lets call her Nimue. She will be the Lake Lady that is in charge of the sword but it will be her story BEFORE she becomes the lake lady.
Yeah. And she is Fey. But all the other Feys in the village HATE her because she is a witch!
Yeah! Let's go with that. What else can we do?
Make Merlin not have any powers anymore. And a drunk! We got a Skarsgard to play Merlin, although he is mostly remembered as Floki in Vikings. Lets have him make an ass of Merlin!
We got some fat chick to play Nimue. English broad. Arms like hams, cinched tight at the waist to make her look curvy. Nobody will notice the flab rolls poking out of her kirtle or bulging over the top, and they won't notice she has a double chin and a neck the size of a bull. Nah. She is a WARRIOR witch. A girdle of Spanx will fix how we can pour her into clothes that threaten to split the seams around her arms.
Spanx is a great idea! I can vouch for that! My girlfriend looks HOT in spanx. Until she takes it off.
Back on topic, writers!!! What else can we do to this story to make it appealing to everyone?
Well we need weird looking people. With horns growing out of their heads. And snake people. And red monks who run around killing all the Fey and Weird People cuz they aren't christians. We need a bad ass Red Monk too. Hmmm.Lets make him look like he is weeping all the time. But lets not tell anyone is OUR version of Lancelot.
No. Not til almost the very end.
Fatty Nimue has no personality whatsoever, so how do we make her interesting? Oh. I know. She is in love with Arthur and he with her.
But what about the sword? Its a powerful weapon. Hey! I know! Let put it INSIDE Merlin, which is killing him slowly but is the source of his powers! He can walk, sit, fuck, eat, shit, sleep, be drunk all the time and have that sword IN him. But then he falls in love with a Fey woman and she takes it out of him as he gets sick and begins to die. Right out of him! Hilt in his chest, tip down somewhere but not sure where. Damn thing is almost 4 feet long but I'm sure it will fit somehwere!
Yeah!!! And...lets make Merlin the real father of Chunky Nimue!
Who do we get for the snake people?
Hmmm. Asians? Yeah. Some. The rest maybe hispanic?
Yeah. That will work.
So far so good, people! What else?
*shrugs*
Well, ok. Lets go with what we have written so far and just add in stupid shit now and then, ok? Then we will wait for Netflix to get their acadame awards and shit for it!
Sounds like a plan.
