Rev 19:11--its not that far off, live now for Gods kingdom by doing Jesus' Fathers will over self( Matt 7:21. The followers after Jesus died-were thrown to hungry wild beasts in the collosseum as a public spectacle--are you going through worse than that? After that, Nero was hanging them on stakes along the road to the city and lighting them on fire to light the roadway--Is your situation worse than that? What price is Eternal life in Gods kingdom, never sick, not aging like now, never without worth bearing now for?
During ww1-ww2, the members of my religion who refused to stand on both sides of those wars of hatred killing each other by applying Jesus( love, peace, unity) had to go to prison or the concentration camps to stand for Gods will.
Stand up-kick satan in his teeth and live for Gods kingdom.
I will pray on your behalf, we all need support and prayers.