Love & Short Term Attention Span

[Bonzi]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

 

[Ringel05]

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

 

[hangover]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Been with my wife 30 years.

 

[Auld Phart]

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

You stole my line

 

[Sonny Clark]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

It's normal. It's more common than most will admit. If it weren't for marriage laws that basically require lawyers and a court to settle, more people would just walk away from a spouse or partner. And, even two people that aren't married, they usually stay together longer than either would like.

 

[Ringel05]

To give you an honest answer the bio-chemical reaction that produces that euphoric feeling of love tends to go away after about a year on average. After that it's a decision to continue and grow that love in different ways, most people don't know that.

 

[Auld Phart]

Think it was a Chinese general that once stated, "Just because I'm in the field, and can't get a home cooked meal, doesn't mean I can't look at the menu"

 

[Bonzi]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Been with my wife 30 years.

Well you obviously don't have the personality defect that I have! Nor does your wife!

 

[hangover]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Been with my wife 30 years.

Well you obviously don't have the personality defect that I have! Nor does your wife!

The only way it works, is by both excepting each other as they are, and not trying to make the other the way you want them to be.

 

[Bonzi]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Been with my wife 30 years.

Well you obviously don't have the personality defect that I have! Nor does your wife!

The only way it works, is by both excepting each other as they are, and not trying to make the other the way you want them to be.

Yeah but you have to love and be attracted to that person (and respect them) as they are, no? I'll go back to the attraction thing. I hear about couples that look at he other person, even after 30 years or more and think "I love him/her" - never in my life....

 

[hangover]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Been with my wife 30 years.

Well you obviously don't have the personality defect that I have! Nor does your wife!

The only way it works, is by both excepting each other as they are, and not trying to make the other the way you want them to be.

Yeah but you have to love and be attracted to that person (and respect them) as they are, no? I'll go back to the attraction thing. I hear about couples that look at he other person, even after 30 years or more and think "I love him/her" - never in my life....

I have really learned how to love since I met my wife. It wasn't a sexual attraction, it was and is her kind heart. I'd literally be dead right now, if not for her. For the life of me, I can't tell you why she loves me....I'm a bum.

 

[Bonzi]

You know that expression...

"Familiarity Breeds Contempt"

... it's not just an expression.....

 

[Bonzi]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Been with my wife 30 years.

Well you obviously don't have the personality defect that I have! Nor does your wife!

The only way it works, is by both excepting each other as they are, and not trying to make the other the way you want them to be.

Yeah but you have to love and be attracted to that person (and respect them) as they are, no? I'll go back to the attraction thing. I hear about couples that look at he other person, even after 30 years or more and think "I love him/her" - never in my life....

I have really learned how to love since I met my wife. It wasn't a sexual attraction, it was and is her kind heart. I'd literally be dead right now, if not for her. For the life of me, I can't tell you why she loves me....I'm a bum.

It works and you're happy. Isn't that all that really matters anyway... ? Congrats!

 

[Delta4Embassy]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Think it's actually totally normal. Used to refer to this as the passion rapidly leaving relationships so you betetr have other interests with one another.

Or, as Huxley put it in "Brave New World" "New things are better than old things. I want all new things."

Think it's actually reflective of our consumer culture. Few buy things any more, most lease. Used to make cars people would buy and keep for decades, now it's all short-term leases and cars fall apart instantly. We upgrade our computer's OS every 2-3 years usually by replacing the entire rig.
Even homes are short-term now and the odds you live in one your entire childhood is slim.

So why would relationships be any different?

 

[Bonzi]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Think it's actually totally normal. Used to refer to this as the passion rapidly leaving relationships so you betetr have other interests with one another.

Or, as Huxley put it in "Brave New World" "New things are better than old things. I want all new things."

Think it's actually reflective of our consumer culture. Few buy things any more, most lease. Used to make cars people would buy and keep for decades, now it's all short-term leases and cars fall apart instantly. We upgrade our computer's OS every 2-3 years usually by replacing the entire rig.
Even homes are short-term now and the odds you live in one your entire childhood is slim.

So why would relationships be any different?

So what is the difference between a couple that lasts and doesn't? Common interests? That's it?

 

[Delta4Embassy]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Think it's actually totally normal. Used to refer to this as the passion rapidly leaving relationships so you betetr have other interests with one another.

Or, as Huxley put it in "Brave New World" "New things are better than old things. I want all new things."

Think it's actually reflective of our consumer culture. Few buy things any more, most lease. Used to make cars people would buy and keep for decades, now it's all short-term leases and cars fall apart instantly. We upgrade our computer's OS every 2-3 years usually by replacing the entire rig.
Even homes are short-term now and the odds you live in one your entire childhood is slim.

So why would relationships be any different?

So what is the difference between a couple that lasts and doesn't? Common interests? That's it?

As with everything else, there are many factors. These may include but aren't limited to:

- family history, if your parents are still together and instead of divorcing sought counselling you're more likely to seek counselling then terminate unhappy relationships

- cultural standards, if part of a culture where divorce or promiscuity is acceptable there's more reason to abandon unsatisfactory relationships then remain and fix them

- personal experiences, if you've been dumped your'e probably more likely to dump a future problematic relationship then try or do whatever it takes to continue it

- if you childhood was spent moving around a lot, where friends were temporary things you probably developed a kind of keeping yourself aloof so future friendships when they ended weren't as painful. And as an adult likely continue this pattern in romantic involvements possibly deliberately sabotaging them so they end on some kind of subconscious schedule in-line with past froendships growing up

etc

 

[Bonzi]

As with everything else, there are many factors

Sounds convoluted. Don't you think more marriages would last if we just kept it simple?

Unfortunately, this seems to be the worst for "spontaneous" people, they fall in love easily and marry easily which translates to many marriages, relationships, spouses.

I guess that is why I never married until I was 39. I knew that I got bored and unhappy in relationships after a year or so... (probably before then but tried to hang in there....) I just think that is not normal. I have to believe there is someone you enjoy being around - but I have not found anyone I enjoy living with and that includes my family when I was growing up....

 

[Moonglow]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

My interest usually peeks after a month...no matter who it was...I could be having sex with the most beautiful women in the world,,,and still be fantasizing about another women(s)....

 

[Mad Scientist]

If I lost interest in a girl within 3 months then I knew it was just Lust and not Love.

 

[Darkwind]

Anyone (else) out there have a problem maintaining an interest in someone beyond say, a few months to a year?

Is that a sign of selfishness or immaturity?

What if physical attraction only lasts for a short period of time? Regardless of who the person is?

Been with my wife 30 years.

Well you obviously don't have the personality defect that I have! Nor does your wife!

The only way it works, is by both excepting each other as they are, and not trying to make the other the way you want them to be.

Except in your case?