Lions-Patriots [NFL]: Elf & Robot (Marketing MySpace)

Abishai100

VIP Member
Sep 22, 2013
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This is a sports-culture parable inspired by Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) and references MySpace.

It's dedicated to the Super Bowl winning Philadelphia Eagles.


Cheers (signing off),




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"On 9/23/2018, the Goliath-like New England Patriots, still led by 5-time Super Bowl winning QB Tom Brady, faced the still-aspiring Detroit Lions who were still seeking their first Super Bowl trophy in franchise-history. The season had just started, and the Patriots were still reeling from their upsetting loss to the upstart Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl 52 [2018]. The Lions wanted to get off to a stunning start and managed to defeat the Patriots on 9/23. The Lions are the NFL team that usually plays the annual/traditional/customary Thanksgiving football game, and the Patriots are the undoubted team of the new millennium, having won a whopping 5 Super Bowls since 2000."

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"A Lions fan named Ajay and a Patriots fan named Scott were debating on the Internet about the quality/value of their respective NFL teams they cheered. Ajay drew a stick-figure doodle of an evil elf representing the Christmas-shopping spirit and the Black Friday festivities in America following Thanksgiving. Scott, meanwhile, referenced the fictional A.I. robot-warrior Cyclonus (from Hasbro's popular A.I. fantasy-adventure franchise Transformers) to talk about the Patriots' tenacity to keep winning Super Bowls (under QB Tom Brady). In other words, Ajay suggested that the Lions reminded sports-fans of ritualized consumerism-fanfare (touted by the Thanksgiving Lions), while Scott suggested that the Patriots reminded sports-fans of the undeniable merchandising-allure created by Super Bowl winning powerhouse NFL teams (such as the Patriots)."

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"Meanwhile, two humanoid alien visitors from Venus named Max Sterling and Jane Royal were spying on Earth from the moon. They watched the Lions-Patriots game on 9/23 and noted how sports-fans wanted a new 'champion' to be consistently winning NFL games now that the Goliath-like QB Tom Brady had already lost twice in Super Bowls to Eli Manning of the NY Giants and now to the upstart Philadelphia Eagles (who somehow managed to defeat the Patriots in Super Bowl 52 with their backup-QB Nick Foles!). Max and Jane were a married couple from Venus doing anthropological research about sports-marketing culture in capitalism-centric America. Max and Jane wondered if the media-electricity emanated from America on planet Earth would attract a more predatory intelligent alien-species with plans of colonization/invasion and exploitation."

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"Max and Jane were right; an intelligent alien-creature called Xenomorph wanted to colonize America and invade on the 4th of July 2018 since it was the year that the Goliath-like QB Tom Brady lost his 3rd Super Bowl in the new millennium. The Xenomorph wanted to exploit the temporary 'confusion' created by the Patriots oddly losing a Super Bowl rather than winning one. This temporary 'haze' in sports-marketing created by an upset-loss would give the Xenomorph ample opportunity to 'hype' the Detroit Lions' nifty regular-season game victory over the New England Patriots on 9/23. The Xenomorph intended to invade the White House on 7/4/2018 and declare to America that nothing was predictable because of capitalism. This would be a shocking revelation to Americans simply 'comfortable' with trend-based markets."

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"Fortunately, Max Sterling and Jane Royal brought their handy-dandy liquid-nitrogen ice-guns to Earth's moon and planned to shoot/freeze the Xenomorph when the ruthless alien tried to invade the White House on 7/4. When the Xenomorph's shuttle landed on the White House lawn, Max and Jane were waiting outside, hiding in the bushes, and popped out and shot the alien with liquid-nitrogen, causing it to completely freeze. Max and Jane then explained to the U.S. government that the Xenomorph was a force of invasion and capitalism-terrorist and would have to be quarantined. U.S. President Donald Trump awarded Max and Jane with commemorative medals of patriotism."

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"Max drew a stick-figure doodle of a Marvel Comics villain/terrorist named Gray Goblin (Gabriel Stacy) and asked Ajay, the Lions fan who blogged on the Internet using his evil-elf doodles to contrast his friend Scott's blogs about Cyclonus the robot and the Patriots, to draw a stick-figure doodle of Gray Goblin to complement his own. Max and Ajay both provided Gray Goblin stick-figure doodles for Internet-blogging about sports-marketing based on victories and statistics. Max then wrote, 'Sports-merchandising is part of consumerism and following stats/trends in sports helps consumers keep pace with the dynamics of capitalism and media.' Ajay wondered if Gray Goblin would be used to hype the Lions' victory over the Patriots on 9/23 or the Patriots' whopping 5 Super Bowl victories since 2000."

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"While Max's blogs about the Lions-Patriots sports-culture marketing symbolism for capitalism-consciousness in America (and on Earth!) were gaining attention, Hollywood (USA) super-celebrity Tom Cruise and American actress Jennifer Connelly were on set busy making their new film Top Gun 2: Maverick, a sequel to the iconic 1980s Americana-patriotism film about U.S. Navy fighter-pilot culture and spirit. Jennifer asked Tom if they should use their film-ads to promote the Patriots as the Super Bowl team of the new millennium or the Lions as the ultimate Thanksgiving-toast team of the NFL. Cruise preferred the Lions."

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"Ajay decided to post a picture of himself on MySpace and talk about the cross-section of Detroit Lions fans in America. Detroit was the hard-rock/auto-city of America, proud of its heritage in the albeit struggling American automobile industry. Detroit sports-fans were famous, since the Tigers (MLB), Pistons (NBA), Red Wings (NHL), and Lions (NFL) all symbolized 'American humility.' The legendary African-American athletes Cecil Fielder (Tigers), Isiah Thomas (Pistons), and Barry Sanders (Lions) were thought of as 'Detroit Darlings.' Ajay wrote that a wide variety of Americans followed Detroit sports-teams since the city captured a general American love of pedestrian traffic. Ajay wondered how the Patriots being labeled as the Super Bowl Team of the New Millennium would 'contour' with the Lions being 'sanctified' as the Thanksgiving Team of the NFL. Was this merely media-consumerism or also capitalism-diarism?"

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AJAY: I think Barry Sanders' Lions are more revered.
SCOTT: I think Tom Brady's Patriots are more revered.
AJAY: Maybe both teams represent marketing-pizzazz.
SCOTT: This is the age of media and merchandising!
AJAY: Do you remember when TV was more like town hall?
SCOTT: Yes, now it's more like city hall.
AJAY: Do you realize how many people watch football on TV?
SCOTT: It's become a great American activity...
AJAY: Any kid envies Barry Sanders or Tom Brady.
SCOTT: Rookie-cards for Sanders and Brady are quite valuable.
AJAY: My 'evil elf' doodles capture the spirit of the Thanksgiving Lions.
SCOTT: My Cyclonus-allusion captures the tenacity of the Super Bowl Patriots.
AJAY: I'm glad I made a Lions blog on MySpace.
SCOTT: I talked about Tom Brady on my Facebook page...
AJAY: Maybe archaeologists in the future will talk about Lions-Patriots merchandise.
SCOTT: Maybe there'll be an X-Files adapted film about the Xenomorph-invasion.
AJAY: Max Sterling and Jane Royal returned to Venus and told us, "NFL fans are patriots."
SCOTT: Capitalists are lions...
AJAY: Maybe all this media-fanfare will draw attention away from the trauma of terrorism.
SCOTT: Anti-capitalist terrorism is the real threat to new age globalization/consumerism.
AJAY: Maybe all kinds of 'soldiers' will rise to defend this new 'media knighthood.'


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:5_1_12024:

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