Life's a Gas

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

1. Why did everyone notice when Bill Gates farted in the Apple store?
   Because they didn’t have any Windows.
2. Farts are like children.
   You don’t mind your own, but you can’t stand other people’s.
3. Do you know what’s scary?
   Attempting your first fart after having diarrhea.
4. I got fired from my job delivering leaflets on flatulence awareness.
   Unfortunately, I let one rip.
5. What do you get when an aristocrat farts?
   A noble gas.
6. I just rang the Incontinence Hotline.
   The woman said, “Can you hold, please?”
7. I farted at work yesterday, and my coworker opened the window.
   It must have been bad — we’re flight attendants.
8. My partner said he wanted to heat things up in bed.
   So I farted under the sheets.
9. I didn’t fart in front of my partner until we got married.
   Her family wasn’t too impressed.
10. An old married couple is at a concert one Friday night, when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
    The husband tells her, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”
11. A fart is like success.
    It only bothers you when it’s not your own.
12. If you farted while traveling at the speed of sound, would you smell it before you heard it?
13. Why did the chicken cross the road?
    She didn’t want the other chickens to notice that she farted.
14. Did you hear the one about the blind and heartbroken skunk?
    She fell in love with a fart.

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]

 

[Baron Von Murderpaws]