Is There NEVER a Time to Hit a Woman? NEVER?

[BluePhantom]

I don't think I want to hear anymore about BP's dysfunctional life,

Then quit following me around the boards harassing me about it. You are free to leave my thread at any time you wish.

unless it's from the ex. I wouldn't mind hearing her version. I'd also like to talk to Fred and find out why he refused to take his Namby Pamby friend to see Earth, Wind, and Fire. lol

Carla, even if I were to do something totally ridiculous like have them set up an account on USMB so they could contact you, you would simply say I created them myself and insist I was a liar...then you would follow me all over the place claimed you had proven I was a liar because you simply didn't believe me. For whatever reason, you have an ax to grind and for whatever reason it irritates you enough that you have to harp on things at every chance possible. All I will say is that I am VERY pleased to know I am under your skin even when I am not even thinking about you.

 

[BluePhantom]

People who make physical force justifiable don't always give you a choice to flee. Unless you're under the impression a woman can never do wrong nor present a credible physical threat against any man, you must conceed sometimes violence is not only justified, but also deserved. That's all I'm saying.

Women were never sugar and spice and everything nice. That's a myth.

If she does make a threat or assault you, then you should leave. Hitting on her is not going to solve the problem. Nobody has said that a woman can do no wrong.

Nobody becomes violent simply from relocating. The OP is mental.

Well, I can see how stress, being a new young mom, suddenly finding yourself far away from your support system and security of your family and friends, could MAYBE cause someone to be miserable.

Yes, but it does not cause one to suddenly want to murder. lol

True. Another question I would like to ask BluePhantom is if he ever left the child in her care? I can't see him bringing a baby to school and work every day. There must have been some times when he trusted this woman to care for his baby alone.

Initially, sure. Not when she started to freak out, though. I took my daughter to a day care center. I was lucky enough to come from money and could afford that. I was lucky. That's a luxury a lot of people in that situation don't have.

 

[Carla_Danger]

I don't think I want to hear anymore about BP's dysfunctional life,

Then quit following me around the boards harassing me about it. You are free to leave my thread at any time you wish.

unless it's from the ex. I wouldn't mind hearing her version. I'd also like to talk to Fred and find out why he refused to take his Namby Pamby friend to see Earth, Wind, and Fire. lol

Carla, even if I were to do something totally ridiculous like have them set up an account on USMB so they could contact you, you would simply say I created them myself and insist I was a liar...then you would follow me all over the place claimed you had proven I was a liar because you simply didn't believe me. For whatever reason, you have an ax to grind and for whatever reason it irritates you enough that you have to harp on things at every chance possible. All I will say is that I am VERY pleased to know I am under your skin even when I am not even thinking about you.

BP, I am here for shits and giggles. This forum is for entertainment purposes only. No one is following you around, no one is thinking of you round the clock. You may be suffering from delusions of grandeur.

And yes, it would be totally ridiculous for you to set up a sock account to prove a ridiculous story. So why even bring it up? Did I buy the story of when you said your daughter was posting on your account? No, no I did not. I did not buy it because I don't believe you are an honest poster. I also don't buy this story of you having to hit your wife, just like I don't buy the story of Fred.

If you want to air your dirty laundry on a public forum, this is what you should expect. If you want to share your story with online friends, I suggest you start a personal blog somewhere.

 

[Carla_Danger]

If she does make a threat or assault you, then you should leave. Hitting on her is not going to solve the problem. Nobody has said that a woman can do no wrong.

Nobody becomes violent simply from relocating. The OP is mental.

Well, I can see how stress, being a new young mom, suddenly finding yourself far away from your support system and security of your family and friends, could MAYBE cause someone to be miserable.

Yes, but it does not cause one to suddenly want to murder. lol

True. Another question I would like to ask BluePhantom is if he ever left the child in her care? I can't see him bringing a baby to school and work every day. There must have been some times when he trusted this woman to care for his baby alone.

Initially, sure. Not when she started to freak out, though. I took my daughter to a day care center. I was lucky enough to come from money and could afford that. I was lucky. That's a luxury a lot of people in that situation don't have.

Did you know that poor people also get to take their children to day care?

 

[ChrisL]

If she does make a threat or assault you, then you should leave. Hitting on her is not going to solve the problem. Nobody has said that a woman can do no wrong.

Nobody becomes violent simply from relocating. The OP is mental.

Well, I can see how stress, being a new young mom, suddenly finding yourself far away from your support system and security of your family and friends, could MAYBE cause someone to be miserable.

Yes, but it does not cause one to suddenly want to murder. lol

True. Another question I would like to ask BluePhantom is if he ever left the child in her care? I can't see him bringing a baby to school and work every day. There must have been some times when he trusted this woman to care for his baby alone.

Initially, sure. Not when she started to freak out, though. I took my daughter to a day care center. I was lucky enough to come from money and could afford that. I was lucky. That's a luxury a lot of people in that situation don't have.

So the mother was NEVER left with her baby? Maybe that's why she hated you? Maybe you were/are a very controlling person? I mean, you say she was the one doing the threatening and such things, but it sounds to me, from the story you tell, that you were the one in charge and in control in this relationship.

 

[BluePhantom]

Nobody becomes violent simply from relocating. The OP is mental.

Well, I can see how stress, being a new young mom, suddenly finding yourself far away from your support system and security of your family and friends, could MAYBE cause someone to be miserable.

Yes, but it does not cause one to suddenly want to murder. lol

True. Another question I would like to ask BluePhantom is if he ever left the child in her care? I can't see him bringing a baby to school and work every day. There must have been some times when he trusted this woman to care for his baby alone.

Initially, sure. Not when she started to freak out, though. I took my daughter to a day care center. I was lucky enough to come from money and could afford that. I was lucky. That's a luxury a lot of people in that situation don't have.

So the mother was NEVER left with her baby? Maybe that's why she hated you? Maybe you were/are a very controlling person? I mean, you say she was the one doing the threatening and such things, but it sounds to me, from the story you tell, that you were the one in charge and in control in this relationship.

Jesus Chris. Go and look back on the post you just quoted. The first thing I said was "Initially, sure. Not when she started to freak out, though.". In other words, of course I left her alone with her baby, UNTIL it wasn't safe to do that anymore. Did you even read the post? Were you drunk when you responded or something? Why are you going to such lengths to defend an abuser? Is it just because she is a woman? Aren't you doing exactly what society says you shouldn't do if the genders were reversed?

 

[ChrisL]

Well, I can see how stress, being a new young mom, suddenly finding yourself far away from your support system and security of your family and friends, could MAYBE cause someone to be miserable.

Yes, but it does not cause one to suddenly want to murder. lol

True. Another question I would like to ask BluePhantom is if he ever left the child in her care? I can't see him bringing a baby to school and work every day. There must have been some times when he trusted this woman to care for his baby alone.

Initially, sure. Not when she started to freak out, though. I took my daughter to a day care center. I was lucky enough to come from money and could afford that. I was lucky. That's a luxury a lot of people in that situation don't have.

So the mother was NEVER left with her baby? Maybe that's why she hated you? Maybe you were/are a very controlling person? I mean, you say she was the one doing the threatening and such things, but it sounds to me, from the story you tell, that you were the one in charge and in control in this relationship.

Jesus Chris. Go and look back on the post you just quoted. The first thing I said was "Initially, sure. Not when she started to freak out, though.". In other words, of course I left her alone with her baby, UNTIL it wasn't safe to do that anymore. Did you even read the post? Were you drunk when you responded or something? Why are you going to such lengths to defend an abuser? Is it just because she is a woman? Aren't you doing exactly what society says you shouldn't do if the genders were reversed?

It sure sounds like you were the one making all the decisions in this relationship, no? You moved her away from her family and friends. Was she old enough or ready to be a mom? You also put your career and your education a few points higher than her happiness and security. Obviously she didn't want to be so far away from her support system. It would have been up to you to become her support system in that case. I think you sound as if you are a quite "controlling" individual. Of course, just because I point out your errors doesn't mean that she is innocent.

I certainly do not believe this situation was a "black and white" as you seem to want to make it seem. Again, we don't GET to hear HER side of this, now do we? It's just you trashing some woman on the internet and nothing more at this point.

 

[ChrisL]

If she does make a threat or assault you, then you should leave. Hitting on her is not going to solve the problem. Nobody has said that a woman can do no wrong.

Nobody becomes violent simply from relocating. The OP is mental.

Well, I can see how stress, being a new young mom, suddenly finding yourself far away from your support system and security of your family and friends, could MAYBE cause someone to be miserable.

Yes, but it does not cause one to suddenly want to murder. lol

True. Another question I would like to ask BluePhantom is if he ever left the child in her care? I can't see him bringing a baby to school and work every day. There must have been some times when he trusted this woman to care for his baby alone.

Initially, sure. Not when she started to freak out, though. I took my daughter to a day care center. I was lucky enough to come from money and could afford that. I was lucky. That's a luxury a lot of people in that situation don't have.

So, you took your daughter to day care. For how long was this going on? What was your ex doing this whole time? Did she work? What did she do with herself during this period of time?

 

[ChrisL]

If she does make a threat or assault you, then you should leave. Hitting on her is not going to solve the problem. Nobody has said that a woman can do no wrong.

Nobody becomes violent simply from relocating. The OP is mental.

Well, I can see how stress, being a new young mom, suddenly finding yourself far away from your support system and security of your family and friends, could MAYBE cause someone to be miserable.

Yes, but it does not cause one to suddenly want to murder. lol

True. Another question I would like to ask BluePhantom is if he ever left the child in her care? I can't see him bringing a baby to school and work every day. There must have been some times when he trusted this woman to care for his baby alone.

Initially, sure. Not when she started to freak out, though. I took my daughter to a day care center. I was lucky enough to come from money and could afford that. I was lucky. That's a luxury a lot of people in that situation don't have.

If you "come from money" why is it that you didn't retain an attorney and start working on your case?

 

[ChrisL]

I knew a woman who was abused and had managed to escape her situation with her youngest son after suffering for years. Her older son had already moved away from the home.

She still has scars on her face. She had been hospitalized multiple times and was in a coma once. Her husband was a cop though. He had a lot of connections with judges and lawyers, etc.

 

[Carla_Danger]

 

[Esmeralda]

I knew a case similar in Spain.

A guy (cousin of a girlfriend from a village in a poor part of Spain) met a woman on the internet from Peru. Went on "holiday" to Peru and married the woman without anyone knowing. He brought her back and her "one child". This "one child" turned into various children and a grandchild.
She beat up her husband and the kids got a free ride. The big problem was that the house they were in had been in the family so long that there was no documented legality to it. If he left her, the house was hers. So he moved them all to Madrid. And there I don't know what happened next as I didn't speak as much to anyone in the know after this.

Personally, if a woman attacked me, I'd attack back. My mother came after me with a knife, and she had a big scar on her forehead where I smacked her with a cup. But I wouldn't tolerate being hit. I wouldn't hit back in a manner to be bad, but to make sure I wasn't beaten up. Then I'd kick her out.

Lots of men get in trouble and end up in jail because they fight back when a woman might hit them. A man is usually twice as strong and sometimes twice a big. A man 'fighting back' if a woman hits or slaps him is often like a grown up 'fighting back' if a child takes a swing at him. It is not reasonable and it is over compensation. Unless you are in real danger you do what a reasonable and emotionally mature man does--you walk away. If it is a knife attack, that is something different. If your woman is regularly violent, you get a divorce. It's all pretty simple, when you take testosterone out of the equation.

 

[Esmeralda]

In the "old days", when some of us were growing up, we were taught it was NEVER appropriate to hit a woman.

Today it depends whether the woman is a liberal or a conservative.

This is really not funny. This is sick, not funny.

 

[Esmeralda]

That's very far from the truth. I just don't believe your ridiculous story. Let's recap your story of Fred, the friend who could not protect you from scary racist black people at an Earth, Wind, and Fire concert.

Now lets look at the scary people who attend Earth, Wind, and Fire concerts.



You're full of shit.

It wasn't the band that was the problem, genius; it was where they were playing. I am guessing you haven't spent a lot of time in Pittsburgh or you would be aware that Homewood and the Hill District are two of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the United States. Think it would be a good idea for a 24 year old, upper middle class white boy to go strolling through Compton after dark? PROBABLY, not the wisest course of action. Those neighborhoods re every bit as bad (and probably worse).

If my black friend who had lived in Pittsburgh all his life says I can't go there for an event taking place after dark, I think it's probably wise to take his advice don't you?

OMG, that's laughable. EWF has no scary venue, with scary racist people attending. Is it possible that "Fred" just doesn't want to be seen with you?

OMG you CAN'T be this dense. A band does not create the venue and they don't book the venue. Their manager arranges it and the band shows up and plays there. You know EWF doesn't exactly sell out Heinz Field anymore. By 1993, when this went down, they were not selling out much of anything. Their sound had changed, their records were not selling well, and they had just come back from a three year hiatus. They were in the middle stages of their history where their glory days were over and it was too soon for them to sell out major arenas as a classic band. When they played that show in Pittsburgh it was a very low point for them and getting a booking at a huge venue that was in a better part of town wasn't going to happen. They took what they could get at the time which happened to be a very small venue in a part of town wasn't safe for 24 year old upper middle class white boys to go walking around in. .How hard is that to understand?

No one is talking about who creates the venue. That's not the point.
You used Fred, your pretend friend, to validate your racist views on scary black people, when you were trying to prove that racism goes both ways.

In the past and in the present, EWF crowds are mostly middle age white folks, and they don't play in areas where you would need protection from scary black people. Stop being such a wuss.

The only person insisting Fred is imaginary is you because apparently it's inconceivable to you that a black man and a white man can not only be friends, but that I would ask a black man to stand for me at my wedding. You are INCREDIBLY racist for dismissing that. You are also arrogant for insisting that simply because you insist it's not the truth that it somehow constitutes some form of evidence. You said earlier that you caught me in a lie about my friend Fred...you didn't catch me in shit. All you did was display your racist views and insist I could not possible have a black friend and then insisted that was somehow "proof".

Then you chase me from thread to thread harassing me about my friend and being a general racist bitch. You don't know shit Carla. You don't know my life, you don't know who my friends are. You don't know the life I have lived. You don't know what my experiences have been and frankly you are an idiot for assuming you do. Who the fuck do you think you are making such assumptions and accusations?

Like I said...DT described you in several ways. I notice "intelligent" wasn't one of them.

 

[Esmeralda]

Carla is neither racist nor mysandrist, BP, and I have never seen her post anything that even verges on either of those positions.

As you posted yourself it is possible to misunderstand what someone is saying because the written word lacks ability to convey, tone, expression, etc.

Carla is witty and outspoken and could very well have been sarcastic in what you misperceived as racism and mysandry.

But I will leave it up to the both of you to sort that out between yourselves.

Oh I don't think I am misunderstanding anything, brother. Your experience has clearly been different than mine and I will leave it at that so as to avoid drawing you in the middle, but based on past exchanges between the two of us, I have very little doubt that she is BOTH a racist and a mysandrist. But as you said...that's our issue and not yours.

Oh come on now. You're just a big baby. You couldn't handle two women giving you a piece of their mind, so you accused me and Esmeralda of being socks.

No it was very simple. You believe women should have superior rights to men. That makes you a mysandrist. Only you can try to spin it some other way.

You're a big baby and a control freak, upset that you can't have any control over the decisions women make concerning their bodies.

And here we go with the "men are just trying to control women's bodies" bullshit. The typical mysandrist rhetoric when you can't debate the merits of the argument. No wonder DT described you as "witty" instead of "intelligent".

It takes a lot of intelligence to be truly witty. It's the dullards who have a weak sense of humor because they don't have a sharp and quick mind, don't see irony and satire, and take everything literally.

 

[Esmeralda]

It's a scary thing either way and some people just don't have the courage, but, fortunately they are rare cases (I hope...)

hopefully they have a support network family and friends

I would never put my family or friends in the middle of that, sometimes the only answer is to disappear

sometimes one has to reach out to a family member or a friend in order to disappear

You shouldn't have to disappear. These people aren't former slaves.

We should have an underground railroad for abused people.

Like I said, some people can't let go. There was a story on tv where the woman got a restraining order, was on her way to court and he shot her

Statistics show that it is when a woman leaves or tries to leave an abusive relationship that she most often ends up dead. A huge reason for them to be afraid of leaving, of feeling trapped.

 

[sealybobo]

hopefully they have a support network family and friends

I would never put my family or friends in the middle of that, sometimes the only answer is to disappear

sometimes one has to reach out to a family member or a friend in order to disappear

You shouldn't have to disappear. These people aren't former slaves.

We should have an underground railroad for abused people.

Like I said, some people can't let go. There was a story on tv where the woman got a restraining order, was on her way to court and he shot her

Statistics show that it is when a woman leaves or tries to leave an abusive relationship that she most often ends up dead. A huge reason for them to be afraid of leaving, of feeling trapped.

Arent they afraid to stay?

They should have left the first time they were hit. Women who are killed for trying to leave usually have a long history of being abused.

Nicole Simpson should have left the first time he hit her.

Ray rices' girlfriend married him after he knocked her out. And she tells people who bash her for it to mind our own business.

In a way they've asked for it.

 

[Esmeralda]

I am prompted to open this topic because of a different thread. It's been discussed before buy with all the recent media about it I am wondering if opinions have changed. I am going to share something personal with you. I was in an abusive relationship but I was not the abuser. Yes men can be the victims of domestic abuse just like women can. It doesn't get reported as often because men don't want to admit a woman is beating them up but it's not as uncommon as you might believe.

In my case my ex-girlfriend and I had a baby and I took my new family to Pittsburgh so I could go to college. She was young , from a small town, and had never experienced a big city before. She had been yanked 2,000 miles across the country and was suddenly in the position of being a wife and a mother in a setting where she knew no one, she had no friends, and no support. She didn't do well. Actually she flipped out and within months she was attacking me on a regular basis. Usually it was just hitting but as time went on it got more and more dangerous. She started using pans and statuettes to attack me. I took it for many reasons. One, I didn't want to lose my daughter. Two, I hoped it was just something she was just going through as an adjustment to her new circumstances. It didn't get better.

After a few months I realized I had to get rid of her . She had started threatening my life and the life of our daughter if I ever left her. I had not hit her because I refused to hit a woman but she beat me black and blue a few times a week. All I did was try to fend off her attacks. One week she kept saying that she was going to kill me. I tried my best to calm her down but the night came. I don't know why I woke up but for whatever reason I awoke to find her over me with a 12" chef's knife in her hand. She thrust it down at me and I rolled out of the way and it stuck in the bed. She wasn't kidding around. She pulled it out of the bed and lunged at me stabbing and slashing at me and then I did it. I clocked her dead in the face. She stumbled back and gathered herself and screamed "how dare you hit me" and charged me again with the knife above her head screaming like a banshee. I deflected her stab, kicked her in the crotch, and punched her in the throat. She went down and I took the knife from her and called the police.

The police told me that since there were only marks on her they would have to arrest me for domestic violence and of course she screamed that I attacked her for no reason. It never came to that, but I had to endure three more months of her abuse until she was stupid enough to attack me in front of a witness. Then I was able to get rid of her and keep my child.

I have no doubt in my mind that she would have killed me had I not clocked her. I have no doubt in my mind that had I not endured it until I had a witness that allowed me to keep my daughter that my daughter would be dead now. She would have killed her.

So that's my "why I stayed" story. I look back on it often given the recent "it's NEVER ok to hit a woman" stuff and think to myself "people who say that have never experienced what I have experienced or the thousands of men who have abusive wives/girlfriends". Sometimes it IS ok I think. I am completely convinced that had I not clocked that girl I would be dead now and my daughter may be as well.

I think there IS a time to hit a woman. I think the circumstances are very select and a man should show restraint to only use violence to stop the threat, but in certain circumstances...it's justified. My experience with that girl has taught me that I don't care who it is. If someone (man or woman) is attacking me and I feel I am in danger of real harm I am going to take that person out to the best of my abilities and gender doesn't matter to me at all.

I welcome your thoughts.

Why didn't you call "fred" to protect you?

I've often found that people who are mockers and are insensitive to the sufferings of others end up suffering worse. Especially when they are mocking people who believe in God and trust in Him.

What a load of bull.

 

[Esmeralda]

I would never put my family or friends in the middle of that, sometimes the only answer is to disappear

sometimes one has to reach out to a family member or a friend in order to disappear

You shouldn't have to disappear. These people aren't former slaves.

We should have an underground railroad for abused people.

Like I said, some people can't let go. There was a story on tv where the woman got a restraining order, was on her way to court and he shot her

Statistics show that it is when a woman leaves or tries to leave an abusive relationship that she most often ends up dead. A huge reason for them to be afraid of leaving, of feeling trapped.

Arent they afraid to stay?

They should have left the first time they were hit. Women who are killed for trying to leave usually have a long history of being abused.

Nicole Simpson should have left the first time he hit her.

Ray rices' girlfriend married him after he knocked her out. And she tells people who bash her for it to mind our own business.

But they don't leave in the beginning. They think it will get better. When it gets worse and they finally decide to leave, that is when they most often end up dead. This is backed up by statistics. Like Nicole Simpson. She left him after years of abuse. What happened? She ended up dead.

 

[Anathema]

Arent they afraid to stay?

Believe it or not but some consenting couples utilize domestic discipline (non-sexual) as a part of their relationship.