Part of what's making racial reconciliation difficult, I think, is that we're dealing with a difference in perceptions caused by a difference in perspective. In simple terms, we all have a hard time understanding someone else's life experience, when it's been different from ours. That's not easy, as a matter of fact, it's really pretty difficult.
Just as an example. Closed Caption could tell me what it's like to be Black in America. I'd understand some of it, but by no means would I understand it all-how could I; I haven't been in that position. By the same token, I could explain to Closed Caption how it feels to be White in America; the result would be the same. All we can do with someone else's experience in life, is try to imagine how we would feel in the same circumstances, but still, a lot of context and nuance is missing; we haven't been there.
To use an example that has nothing to do with race, I could try to tell Grace what it was like to be in combat; no matter how detailed the account, and no matter how sympathetic she might feel, she wouldn't get a lot of it; not because she didn't try, but because there is no common frame of reference for a lot of it. What we "don't get" we try to imagine, and most of the time we don't imagine correctly.
That matters, when we're talking about race, because different experiences lead to different perceptions. Closed Caption and I could look at the same racial interaction, and have two very different views of it. So who's right, and who's wrong? In reality we probably both are a little right, and a little wrong.If we're trying to be well-mannered and considerate, both of us might feel a little, maybe more than a little, awkward; we aren't really sure what might be offensive to the other, or might be taken in a way we didn't intend.
So what's the solution? I think we can find that, in being honest with each other; in talking to each other, without accusing, without blaming. "When you say that, it hurts my feelings because....", "When you do that, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, because....". That's what friends do, and that's what we're all going to need to learn, if we're going to truly get along. We're going to have to be patient with one another, and tolerant of one another, and stop looking for the worst in each other, and try to find common ground, among all our differences; Isn't that what we do, when we have friendships that cross racial lines?
In simple terms, it's about time we started cutting each other some slack, and recognize that we can't read each other's minds, that none of us are perfect, and that we all have some thoughtless moments. That's not easy, in an atmosphere of overheated political rhetoric, where some are willing to exploit people's worst instincts for power and profit. It's not easy, in a time when trust between the races is often a fragile thing. We need to start accepting, not dismissing, each other's feelings (which are very real) and we need to be OK with the idea that we're not going to totally understand the other person's point of view, or expect them to totally understand ours.That's hard, but it's either that, or keep pouring salt in each other's wounds, for no real purpose.
