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Homeless Economist Doubts Change in Fed Monetary Policy Can Save Him


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Jan 17, 2010
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New Jersey
Posted on September 10, 2011.

WASHINGTON – Embattled Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke’s position on the limited ability of the Fed to stimulate the nation’s sluggish economy was vigorously defended today by a homeless and badly undernourished former expert on monetary policy.

Arthur Peterson, a 58-year-old unemployed economist who is unable to remember the last meal he ate, said he agrees with BernankeÂ’s assessment and doubts that any attempt by the agency to bolster short-term economic growth would be sufficient to prevent him from starving to death by the end of this week.

“Besides continuing to hold interest rates near zero in the short term, it is difficult to imagine any new intervention by the Fed which could effectively forestall the systemic failure of my bodily functions resulting from my sustained lack of food intake,” the emaciated Mr. Peterson commented while grasping his midsection in what appeared to be excruciating agony.

Attempting to make himself heard over the loud growling noises emanating from his stomach, Mr. Peterson said he also concurred with BernankeÂ’s analysis that the U.S. economy is slowly recovering and the nationÂ’s long-term prospects remain strong.

“Unlike my alimentary canal and esophageal sphincter,” Mr. Peterson added, “which are both irreversibly rupturing as we speak.”

As his mind fluctuated between consciousness and unconsciousness, Mr. Peterson also endorsed the Fed chairmanÂ’s optimistic view that the growth fundamentals of the United States do not appear to have been permanently altered by the various economic shocks over the past several years.

“As Chairman Bernanke has correctly pointed out, what we are facing is primarily…yow, excuse me… I just needed to apply some pressure on my throbbing epigastrium, sorry… what we are facing is a combined challenge of high unemployment and an unsustainable federal debt,” Mr. Peterson groaned.

Read more Homeless Economist Doubts Change in Fed Monetary Policy Can Save Him | GlossyNews.com

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