Grassley spent the weekend practicing his "pretend-to-listen" face

[DrLove]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Facing the daunting challenge of appearing to pay attention to a woman’s utterances during a televised hearing, Senator Charles Grassley spent the weekend rehearsing what aides are calling his “pretending to listen” face.

In round-the-clock practice sessions that aides characterized as “excruciating,” the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee struggled to simulate even a trace of interest in what a woman had to say.

“Chuck has never pretended to listen to a woman before,” an aide said. “These are uncharted waters.”

According to the aide, Grassley’s fake-listening skills “are rudimentary at best,” and the senator was able to hold only a semi-attentive facial expression for seven seconds before it showed unmistakable signs of boredom, irritation, and contempt.

At one point, Grassley reportedly exploded with frustration, bellowing, “If I’d known that going into politics meant I’d have to listen to women, I’d have become a longshoreman.”

Complicating the mock sessions further was the absence on the Judiciary Committee of any Republican women to whom Grassley could pretend to listen, forcing Senator Orrin Hatch to step uncomfortably into the role of a woman.​

Chuck Grassley Spends Weekend Practicing Pretending-to-Listen Face

 

[CrusaderFrank]

Q. When did it happen?
A. When did what happen?

Q. The life changing attack by Brett Kavanaugh
A. Oh, a while ago

Q. Can you be more specific?
A. About what?

Q. About the incident
A. Well, he pinned me to bed, I clearly remember that the Kiss Farewell Concert was on the TV. He said that he wanted to "**** me like an animal" and that "his whole existence was flawed"

Q. Why did I take this job?
A. Excuse me?!

Q. Nevermind.

 

[dave p]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Facing the daunting challenge of appearing to pay attention to a woman’s utterances during a televised hearing, Senator Charles Grassley spent the weekend rehearsing what aides are calling his “pretending to listen” face.

In round-the-clock practice sessions that aides characterized as “excruciating,” the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee struggled to simulate even a trace of interest in what a woman had to say.

“Chuck has never pretended to listen to a woman before,” an aide said. “These are uncharted waters.”

According to the aide, Grassley’s fake-listening skills “are rudimentary at best,” and the senator was able to hold only a semi-attentive facial expression for seven seconds before it showed unmistakable signs of boredom, irritation, and contempt.

At one point, Grassley reportedly exploded with frustration, bellowing, “If I’d known that going into politics meant I’d have to listen to women, I’d have become a longshoreman.”

Complicating the mock sessions further was the absence on the Judiciary Committee of any Republican women to whom Grassley could pretend to listen, forcing Senator Orrin Hatch to step uncomfortably into the role of a woman.​

Chuck Grassley Spends Weekend Practicing Pretending-to-Listen Face

I have to admit. I would need to practice to pretend to listen to this nutjob.