Is my child transgender?
Children who are transgender have a gender identity that doesn't match their assigned sex at birth.
In many cases, children will say how they feel. They may strongly identify as boys or girls. And sometimes they identify as neither or not fully male or female (nonbinary).
Most children go through periods of gender exploration through the way they dress and the toys they choose and by role-playing. Some may even insist that they are a gender that differs from that of their birth sex. However, this is likely not a phase if they continue to do so as they get older.
Most children between ages 18 and 24 months can recognize and label gender groups. They may identify others as girls, women or feminine. Or they may label others as boys, men or masculine. Most also label their own gender by the time they reach age 3.
However, society tends to have a narrow view of gender. As a result, some children learn to behave in ways that may not reflect their gender identity. At age 5 or 6, most children are rigid about gender and preferences. These feelings tend to become more flexible with age.
It's important to remember that gender identity and gender expression are different concepts. A child's gender identity doesn't always lead to a certain gender expression. And a child's gender expression doesn't always point to the child's gender identity.
Gender expressions and behaviors might include:
- Certain bathroom behavior, such as a girl insisting on standing up to urinate
- An aversion to wearing the bathing suit of the child's sex assigned at birth
- A preference for underwear typically worn by a different sex
- A strong desire to play with toys typically assigned to a different sex
Don't rush to label your child. Over time your child will continue to tell you what feels right.
How can I support a transgender child or a child who doesn't conform to assigned sex at birth?
Listen to your child's feelings about gender identity. Talk to your child and ask questions without judgment. To support your child, you can:
- Allow your child to express gender in public or at family activities. It's important to do this even if it makes you or someone else uncomfortable.
- Give your child access to gender-diverse friends, activities or resources.
- Don't assume your child's gender expression is a form of rebellion or defiance.
- Don't try to shame or punish your child for gender expression.
- Don't allow others in your family to belittle or ridicule your child's gender expression.
- Understand that experiencing discrimination isn't your child's fault.
Remember to speak positively about your child. Do this both to your child and to others. Show your approval for your child's gender identity and expression of it. You'll foster a positive sense of self in your child when you allow your child to express preferences. You'll also help keep lines of communication open.
Also, try to let go of expectations you might have had about your child's future. Instead, focus on what brings your child joy and security. A child living with supportive parents and caregivers is likely to be a happier child.
(full article online)
Learn how to talk to children about their internal sense of gender. Also find out how to support their gender expression and advocate for them.
www.mayoclinic.org
familyresourcesinc.org
