Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse. The stockings were all hung by the chimney with care, in Hope's that Saint Nicholas would soon be there. The children were all snug and tucked in their beds, while visions of sugarplums danced in their heads. While Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap had just____
I think I got all of the right so far.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
The whole damn family was as drunk as a louse.
Grandma and Grandpa were singin' a song,
And the kid was in bed, floggin' his dong.
Ma home from the cathouse, And I out of jail,
had just settled down for a good piece of tail.
When out on the lawn, Arose such a clatter,
I sprang off Ma to see what the was a matter.
Away to the window, I flew like a flash
slipped on some dog shit and fell on my ass.
When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and a eight mangy reindeer,
With a little old driver holding his dick,
I knew right away the bastard was St. Nick.
"On Dasher, on Dancer, up over those walls,
"Quickly now, damnit, or I'll cut off your balls."
Upon the roof, he foundered and fell,
And came down the chimney like a bat out of hell.
He staggered and stumbled over to the door,
Tripped on his cock, and fell on the floor.
And I heard him exclaim, as he rode out of sight,
"Piss on you all, It's been a hell of a night."
