Clever / Humorous Quotes

[Bonzi]

sorry if this is a dup.

 

[DarkFury]

My favorite.
"It's not the lie I tell it's how well I tell it"...Mark Twain

 

[The Professor]

“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.”

Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

[The Professor]

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Joan Rivers

 

[Derideo_Te]

Flies spread disease, keep yours closed!

 

[The Professor]

From Groucho Marx:

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”

“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”

Read more at:

Groucho Marx Quotes- BrainyQuote

 

[Auld Phart]

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say "Take off your clothes."?

Phyllis Diller

 

[JOSweetHeart]

I have a buddy who wears a shirt hear and there that says, "I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay!"

God bless you and him always!!!

Holly