Uncensored2008
Libertarian Radical
Moderna and Pfizer accountants have carefully reviewed profit and loss statements from the Delta and Omicron variants. Using sophisticated forecasting models of revenue streams they have determined a revised plan of action in fighting the pandemic.
Head of Pandemic response, Ari Goldberg, CPA said "Look, this is a public health crisis. Based on these numbers it is imperative that there be a mandate for weekly vaccines. Now excuse me, I have a boat to look at - and 10% to the big guy as always."
Majority shareholder Dr. Anthony Fauci quickly supported the idea of weekly booster shots, "to be most effective these boosters must be administered to infants in the eye, and to puppies."
Joe Biden vowed to make regular boosters part of his mandate, but has had troubles with the courts so softened the requirements; "Look man, these vaccines work. Stock prices have quadrupled and I need my depends changed"
Spokesperson Jen Psnarky jumped in and said "What the president means is this one time at band camp we let people just write checks directly instead of doing things. So we are willing to compromise and let people buy vaccine passports for a few hundred dollars a week instead of getting their mandated jab." Psnarky then started eying a nearby flute longingly.
The Administration assures the public that this plan of paying for vaccines they don't get is every bit as effective in fighting Covid-19 as masks are.
Head of Pandemic response, Ari Goldberg, CPA said "Look, this is a public health crisis. Based on these numbers it is imperative that there be a mandate for weekly vaccines. Now excuse me, I have a boat to look at - and 10% to the big guy as always."
Majority shareholder Dr. Anthony Fauci quickly supported the idea of weekly booster shots, "to be most effective these boosters must be administered to infants in the eye, and to puppies."
Joe Biden vowed to make regular boosters part of his mandate, but has had troubles with the courts so softened the requirements; "Look man, these vaccines work. Stock prices have quadrupled and I need my depends changed"
Spokesperson Jen Psnarky jumped in and said "What the president means is this one time at band camp we let people just write checks directly instead of doing things. So we are willing to compromise and let people buy vaccine passports for a few hundred dollars a week instead of getting their mandated jab." Psnarky then started eying a nearby flute longingly.
The Administration assures the public that this plan of paying for vaccines they don't get is every bit as effective in fighting Covid-19 as masks are.
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