10 Demands Hamas Is Making In The Peace Deal

[Votto]

10 Demands Hamas Is Making In The Peace Deal​

Sponsored·Oct 9, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

President Trump may have finally achieved what many long thought impossible, as Israel and Hamas have agreed to the first phase of a peace agreement, but this ceasefire didn't come without conditions from Hamas.

Here are 10 demands Hamas is making as part of the peace deal:

---

1. Israel must eliminate 100% of its Jews: This is a dealbreaker for Hamas.
2. New pagers: The last batch had some problems.
3. A new fleet of paragliders: They have assured everyone it's only for recreational purposes.
4. Goats. Lots of goats: They won't say why.
5. Super Bowl tickets: They're apparently huge Bad Bunny fans.
6. 100 virgins each: They will settle for 72, but are setting the bar high for negotiation.
7. Israel must continue to keep Greta Thunberg away from Gaza: The Gazans are terrified she'll eventually reach their shore.
8. Signed 8x10s of Tucker Carlson: Entirely not related to the goats.
9. A nuke: For, like, their power grid or something.
10. The entire land of Israel: All of it. Without all the Israelis. Is that too much to ask?

---

Perfectly reasonable demands, right? Let us know what you think in the comments.

 

[Rambunctious]

Let me guess... an extra ten virgins after death....

 

[Mack The Finger]

Israel must continue to keep Greta Thunberg away from Gaza: The Gazans are terrified she'll eventually reach their shore

---

Perfectly reasonable demands, right? Let us know what you think in the comments.

I have a problem with #7...I read she has been appointed to be the King of Gaza.