What's your sign?

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Powerman, Dec 11, 2005.

  1. Powerman
    Offline

    Powerman Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2005
    Messages:
    1,499
    Thanks Received:
    39
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Ratings:
    +39
    Aries March 21 - April 19

    While it's possible that, one day, you'll be able to forgive your husband for walking out on your children, you will never forgive him for walking out on your children without you.

    Taurus April 20 - May 20

    According to the stars, a misguided attempt to prevent injury will instead result in a debilitating spinal-cord injury when you attempt to lift a 500-pound pallet of ball bearings with your knees, instead of using a forklift.

    Gemini May 21 - June 21

    For years you've thought of yourself as most resembling the Greek goddess Aphrodite, but the stars think that you are ready to know the truth: You're a mix between Teiresias, the Gorgon sisters, and Cerberus.

    Cancer June 22 - July 22

    You will feel let down by the historical inaccuracies at a nearby medieval-themed restaurant this week before paying a visit to its bathroom.

    Leo July 23 - August 22

    Your attempt to play guitar under the bedroom window of your one true love will fail this week when you are denied flame-cannon permits.

    Virgo August 23 - September 22

    You will be forever labeled "quixotic" after mistaking a field of windmills for the solution to the world's energy crisis.

    Libra September 23 - October 23

    Sure, they may all be laughing at you now, but pretty soon they'll have to stop in order to catch their breath.

    Scorpio October 24 - November 21

    Despite there being over 50 different words for snow in Inuktitut, you will fail time after time to score cocaine while visiting the Yukon next week.

    Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

    Statistics say that nearly 78 percent of rapes are committed by someone the victim knew, but you'll insist next week that the more correct phrasing is "thought they knew."

    Capricorn December 22 - January 19

    While it's often true that two heads are better than one, the shattered skull of your adulterous wife will prove no help in coming up with a place to bury the body.

    Aquarius January 20 - February 18

    The stars say that birdwatchers from all over the world will congregate outside your home sometime next week to observe more than five distinct species of vultures.

    Pisces February 19 - March 20

    You'll be forced to learn yet another lesson the hard way this week, but it's college-level differential calculus for engineers, and that's the way everyone learns.
     
  2. Said1
    Offline

    Said1 VIP Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2004
    Messages:
    12,087
    Thanks Received:
    937
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Location:
    Somewhere in Ontario
    Ratings:
    +937
    Sounds right. I always score my own prior to departure. :thup:
     
  3. fuzzykitten99
    Offline

    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2004
    Messages:
    2,965
    Thanks Received:
    199
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    You'll have to check the Marauder's Map...
    Ratings:
    +199
    kinda sounds like one of my favorite phrases i heard somewhere (jackie chan movie i think)

    "He who laugh last must not get joke!"
     
  4. Hagbard Celine
    Offline

    Hagbard Celine Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2005
    Messages:
    1,756
    Thanks Received:
    61
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    Ratings:
    +61
    I can't play guitar. But I wish I could if that counts.

    Said, I liked your old picture better...more demure.
     

Share This Page