What Can Easily Save This Country...

Discussion in 'Current Events' started by Hobbit, Apr 29, 2006.

  1. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    ...from all the major issues that plague it today.

    Notice: The news article below is completely fictional, but if it was true, I'd be doing the happy dance. :dance:

    Washinton D.C. - An amazing discovery has been made on Capitol Hill this morning and it has shocked the nation. With sweeping reforms, radical policy changes, and a few radical policy changes, this has to be the most significant governmental event since the end of the War Between the States. What possible discovery could have caused so much change on Capitol Hill, you ask? Well, it all started this morning when a vast majority of the politicians awoke this morning, and discovered something very special, something we thought had been lost for all time or feared they never had. These politicians found...their f***ing testicles.

    While we have not yet been given details on what the women of Congress discovered this morning, the changes were still the same, and everybody here knew something was different when the opening business of the morning was to "Figure out why we let ourselves be pushed around by hippies, which hippies they were, and go kick their @$$es." Shortly after PETA was told "Don't call us. We won't call you, either," a protest of illegal immigrants gathered outside the capitol to protest enforcement of the law. Five minutes later, Senator Edward Kennedy (D-MA), sober for the first time in decades, was seen headbutting the speaker off the stage.

    In response to Iran's latest threats against the world, a short address to the world as given by President Bush in front of one of Nebraska's many nuclear silos. In it, he was quoted as saying, "I know what you're thinking, Mr. Ama...something or other. You're thinking 'Would somebody really use a nuke on me?' To tell you the truth, I probably wouldn't have before today, but seeing as how this is a Saturn V MIRV rocket with 7 thermonuclear warheads and would blow your country clean off this planet, you have to ask yourself, "Do I feel lucky?' Well do ya...punk?"

    Even Cynthia "Nut Job" McKinney gave an energetic speech today to her main consituents that said, "Look, I've thrown you freeloaders a couple dozen bones. Your schools, welfare programs, and hand up programs are the best funded in the state. If you're still poor and don't have an education, it's because you're too lazy to get up off your sorry butt and go do something other than sit around the house and watch 'Oprah!'" Jesse Jackson, on stage at the time, accused McKinney of being a sell out. Rev. Jackson is in stable condition and doctors expect a full recovery.

    In related news, a Hamas rally held near the Israeli border carried the message to the Muslim world that America was still just a paper tiger and that this new-found bravery was just a ruse to scare everyone. There were no survivors.

    It's what I've been saying for far too long to Washington...GROW A PAIR, YOU SPINELESS TOADS!
     
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  2. 007
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    007 Charter Member Supporting Member

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    Outstanding Hobbit... my hats off to you sir. :bow2:
     
  3. Semper Fi
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    Semper Fi VIP Member

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    Nice post, Hobbit. Iran is in for quite the ass-kicking, and I loved the comedy in the article.
     
  4. Bullypulpit
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    Bullypulpit Senior Member

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    Indeed, they do need to "grow a pair". But not by displaying the simple-minded, jingoistic nonsense you describe.

    They need to remember that part of the responsibility of their office includes oversight of the executive branch. As the failings, miscalculations and outright falsehoods this administration, they should grow some cojones and remember that their job is not to rubberstamp every misguided, misbegotten and ill-concieved policy to come out of the White House under the Bush administration. Their first duty lies, not with party, nor even the President, but to the Constitution they swore to uphold and defend. They are responsible, not to their campaign contributors nor to the lobbyists they cozen like vipers in their bosom, they are responsible to the people in their districts...ALL OF THEM.

    It is not their place to abdicate their authority and powers to an imperious presidency. The Constitution does not grant them that ability anymore than it grants it to the Executive brach to take up those powers and authority.

    SO, yes, Congress needs to grow a spine and remember that they are responsible for oversight of the Executive branch and they must take up that responsibility, which they have so shamefully shirked, and hold the Bush administration accountable for its misdeeds...even if it means impeaching every member of said administration.
     
  5. Bullypulpit
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    Bullypulpit Senior Member

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    Don't be such a lemming. If the Bush administration attempts to go the same route it did with Iraq, America will have its ass handed to it on a platter. Nothing quite like being isolated in the world with 1.2 billion pissed-off muslims out for the blood of any American who they can get their hands on.

    Just because Dubbyuh is locked into his messianic, appocalyptic world view doesn't mean we have to follow him over the cliff.
     
  6. Semper Fi
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    Semper Fi VIP Member

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    Actually, you're being the lemming here. Bush's approval ratings show that people like you are the norm. And who said anything about the Bush Administration taking the same route it didn in Iraq? The two are different situations.
     
  7. USMCDevilDog
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    Great article, love the comedy sense too.


    Iran needs to die...and die they shall. (If you have a problem with that, you can kiss my ass, or if you'd rather not, go over to Iran put on that costume they call a military uniform and fight for them :teeth: see how long you last.)
     
  8. Bullypulpit
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    Bullypulpit Senior Member

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    Different situations...same tactics. Albert Einstein once defined insanity as "...doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result...". The actions of the Bush administration clearly fit said definition.
     
  9. 007
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    007 Charter Member Supporting Member

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    Yeah maybe. We do need a new stratogy when it comes to fighting terrorists. I'm not real sure what we're doing right now is all that good.

    We do have the power to end the military actions in Iraq inside a month. Just blow the fucking shit out of EVERYTHING, and that would END IT. Even if something else cropped up from that, at least we'd be DONE with ONE conflict.

    And attack Iran... not right now we can't. We don't have enough resources. We're spread out too thin. The conflict in Iraq is tying up to much.

    Actually, kicking Iran's ass makes more sense than what we're doing in Iraq. We should get out of there and regroup.
     
  10. Semper Fi
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    Semper Fi VIP Member

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    If a war broke out tomorrow with Iran, would it be considered a major theater war? Would the troops/resources we have in Iraq just march east to Iran, or would the Pentagon deploy more troops stateside to Iran?
     

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