Translating Romney

Discussion in 'Politics' started by deepthunk, Nov 2, 2011.

  1. deepthunk
    Offline

    deepthunk Justadude with a keyboard

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2011
    Messages:
    300
    Thanks Received:
    47
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Ratings:
    +55
    I was just trolling around Mitt Romney’s campaign website which can be found here https://www.mittromney.com ; I’ve decided to post a multi-part series where I use my special skill as a bullshit translator to translate the bullshit on Romney’s site for your convenience.

    Beginning under the jobs heading (because that’s what stinks the most)…

    “Mitt Romney will rebuild the foundations of the American economy on the principles of free enterprise, hard work, and innovation.”

    Translation: The American people can do it their damn selves because we aren’t doing a damn thing for them.

    “His plan seeks to reduce taxes”

    Translation: Give more tax cuts to the rich, because they just can’t get enough of that money.

    “Spending”

    Translation: Were going to fire teachers so your kids will be dumb as rocks and fire people at the DMV so you can wait for three hours.

    “regulation”

    Translation: Because corporations and Wall Street should be able to do anything they damn well want (because that’s always worked out for the best to date).

    “and government programs”

    Translation: Also were going to cut school lunches and food stamps so poor people can go screw themselves in the great American Christian tradition and were going to let bridges and infrastructure go to hell. After all we all know that the poor can get food boxes of barely expired pig slop, and we’ll just feed our table scraps to the rest. Pulse let’s face it; drivers have had it too easy with those bridges that don’t collapse for a while.

    “It seeks to increase trade”

    Translation: Send more of our jobs to China and India.

    “energy production”

    Translation: The coal companies need more money and there are companies chomping at the bit to build nuclear plants (that always works out for the best too)

    “human capital”

    Translation: We’re importing people to be slaves.

    “and labor flexibility”

    Translation: Mandatory calisthenics?

    “It relinquishes power to the states instead of claiming to have the solution to every problem”

    Translation: Let states do whatever they want, Jim Crow would be proud.

    “Any American living through this economic crisis will immediately recognize the severity of the break that Mitt Romney proposes from our current course”

    Translation: Jesus this asshole is going to break us.

    “He is calling for a fundamental change in Washington’s view of how economic growth and prosperity are achieved’

    Translation: Can’t you all see we have to REALLY screw them to get ahead?

    “how jobs are created”

    Translation: were going to find new ways to give money to rich people.

    “and how government can support these endeavors”

    Translation: That’s right; the government is going to give money to rich people.

    “It is at once a deeply conservative return to policies that have served our nation well and a highly ambitious departure from the policies of our current leadership”

    Translation: I swear to god I’m not Obama, I’m Reagan! No really I am Reagan!

    “In short, it is a plan to get America back to work”

    Translation: With a whip.
     
  2. deepthunk
    Offline

    deepthunk Justadude with a keyboard

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2011
    Messages:
    300
    Thanks Received:
    47
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Ratings:
    +55
    Jeez, not even a chuckle huh? Tough room.
     
  3. Dirty
    Offline

    Dirty Rookie

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2011
    Messages:
    16
    Thanks Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Ratings:
    +3
    are you kidding? that was too funny!
     
  4. The Rabbi
    Offline

    The Rabbi Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2009
    Messages:
    67,620
    Thanks Received:
    7,821
    Trophy Points:
    1,840
    Location:
    Nashville
    Ratings:
    +18,215
    Translation: Everyone thinks you're an idiot.
     
  5. Maple
    Offline

    Maple Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2009
    Messages:
    4,674
    Thanks Received:
    568
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +568
    if it takes a whip then let's do it.
     
  6. Maple
    Offline

    Maple Senior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2009
    Messages:
    4,674
    Thanks Received:
    568
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Ratings:
    +568
    Hey Deep thunk, I think you need to be thunking a little more because you did more to convince conservatives of Mitt Romney's conservatism than I ever could. Thanks and keep on thunking away. :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
     
  7. deepthunk
    Offline

    deepthunk Justadude with a keyboard

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2011
    Messages:
    300
    Thanks Received:
    47
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Ratings:
    +55
    And you think I don’t know that 2 out of 3 of the posters on this board aren’t paid reps form various campaigns and lobbies.
    So scream, cry and call names all you want to you bastards, you’ll never shut me up.
     
  8. Steel_Banshee
    Offline

    Steel_Banshee Rookie

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2011
    Messages:
    10
    Thanks Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Ratings:
    +2
    Normally I wouldn’t give a liberal the time of day, but this is funny.
    The BS is why I’m all about Perry
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  9. Dirty
    Offline

    Dirty Rookie

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2011
    Messages:
    16
    Thanks Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Ratings:
    +3
    Tell it girl!
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  10. deepthunk
    Offline

    deepthunk Justadude with a keyboard

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2011
    Messages:
    300
    Thanks Received:
    47
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Ratings:
    +55
    Well thank you, but actually I hate it when people call me liberal, I’m an independent moderate. I agree with conservatives on some issues, but not others.

    Unfortunately when I’m disagreeing with a conservative, they scream that I’m a liberal, when I disagree with liberals they tend to call me conservative. Go figure. I guess I’m not in the middle of the road, but the middle of the fence.

    On a side note, I tend to favor Bachmann among the conservative candidates. I’m not a fan of Perry’s tax plan.
     

Share This Page