To Fathers of Daughters

[BDBoop]

With Father's Day coming up, I found this especially appropriate for those of you who are raising (or have raised) one or more of the female of the species.

I have three sisters. I just told G2H the other day that my dad slept in the doctor's lounge whenever he was on call. I was in my 40's before I realized he was just trying to escape the four female (mom included, littlest was too young) Mad Synchronized PMS Event. For reasons which escape me, he never knew when it was coming.

So to all y'all that have experienced that special [whatever the bleep that was] that raising a daughter brings ...

 

[PredFan]

I have 5 daughters; Jennifer, Rachel, Suzanne, Margot, and Bethany.

Thanks!

 

[Ernie S.]

I have a daughter who will be 30 in July. New boyfriends always got a tour of my gun collection.

 

[BDBoop]

I have 5 daughters; Jennifer, Rachel, Suzanne, Margot, and Bethany.

Thanks!

Wow!!! That's amazing. I'm all misty. Nothing like a proud dad to bring that out in a female.

I think it takes raising a girl to be able to 'get' women a little better. It's one thing to have mom, sisters, a wife - daughters are a whole new ballgame.

ESPECIALLY if you didn't have sisters. I didn't have brothers, and a (mostly) absent dad, so on the men front, I was pretty much "Do what now?"

 

[BDBoop]

I have a daughter who will be 30 in July. New boyfriends always got a tour of my gun collection.

Excellent work.

I always loved the "Permission to Date My Daughter" paperwork. I should go dig that up.

 

[Uncensored2008]

I have 5 daughters; Jennifer, Rachel, Suzanne, Margot, and Bethany.

Thanks!

I have three;

Rieyan, Jessica, and Carol.

All grown now.

 

[BDBoop]

Anybody else next generation bound? I have three (or six, but since I haven't seen the other three for going on five years, I'll just go with my daughter's), a boy and two girls, 5, 4, and seven months.

 

[Uncensored2008]

Anybody else next generation bound? I have three (or six, but since I haven't seen the other three for going on five years, I'll just go with my daughter's), a boy and two girls, 5, 4, and seven months.

Grandchildren?

I have 6, 4 girls and 2 boys.

 

[Swagger]

Like I've written previously, I was politely ushered into a room by my father-in-law shortly after I'd poached his princess where he asked me to write my name of a piece of paper. Slightly confused, I obliged. He then told me he'd break every bone in the hand I'd just used if I ever broke his daughter's heart. Law was given that day.

 

[BDBoop]

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back).

 

[Swagger]

I have a daughter who will be 30 in July. New boyfriends always got a tour of my gun collection.

The subtle approach, eh, Ernie? I like your swagger.

 

[BDBoop]

Dating Rules:

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do no, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

[BDBoop]

Like I've written previously, I was politely ushered into a room by my father-in-law shortly after I'd poached his princess where he asked me to write my name of a piece of paper. Slightly confused, I obliged. He then told me he'd break every bone in the hand I'd just used if I ever broke his daughter's heart. Law was given that day.

I'm glad he didn't just go ahead and break your hand for poaching his princess.

You have no daughters?

 

[Ernie S.]

One came in for his pre-date interview as I was cleaning handguns. The .44 made a lasting impression. She has recently become engaged to a great guy. I'm very proud of her AND Eric.

 

[BDBoop]

One came in for his pre-date interview as I was cleaning handguns. The .44 made a lasting impression. She has recently become engaged to a great guy. I'm very proud of her AND Eric.

I'm the same way with mine and her guy. She's had a very tough life, and I am SO happy that they found each other (and his family is sane.) *unlike mine*

 

[OldUSAFSniper]

My youngest daughter HATED bringing her dates home. Right there in the front room I kept my training certificates for being a sniper and a picture of me with my rifle. I made sure that they saw it.

My oldest of course is handicapped and I never had to worry about boys with her. But, I wouldn't trade it for anything...

 

[GHook93]

Like I've written previously, I was politely ushered into a room by my father-in-law shortly after I'd poached his princess where he asked me to write my name of a piece of paper. Slightly confused, I obliged. He then told me he'd break every bone in the hand I'd just used if I ever broke his daughter's heart. Law was given that day.

That is not a bad one swagger I might use it eventually.

 

[BDBoop]

Anybody unlucky enough to see your daughter wind up with Flat Out "the wrong guy?" My daughter was with an alcoholic for a couple of years. Boy, did that hurt.

 

[BDBoop]

My youngest daughter HATED bringing her dates home. Right there in the front room I kept my training certificates for being a sniper and a picture of me with my rifle. I made sure that they saw it.

My oldest of course is handicapped and I never had to worry about boys with her. But, I wouldn't trade it for anything...

Hey, if they were worthy, they would have stayed through anything. Is she old enough to realize you did her a favor?

 

[The Infidel]

Raising 3 beautiful daughters myself... so far so good...

I feel if I raise them in a loving way, that will show them if a guy cant treat me as good as their dad does.... they should not waste their time on him.

My oldest dumped a guy last year because she was not his first priority. His friends came first and he also was not truthful to her a couple times.
The kid had quite a bit of respect for me... so when he found out she knew he lied to her, he came to me to apologize for it and get some advice as to remedy it.
I told him that I never lied to my wife (girlfriend) At least not before we were married any way, and that I thought it was a bad way to begin a relationship. Then I told him to apologize to her not me. Poor kid was scared

To her credit... she dumped him a few weeks later, and has not looked back. She said she didnt want to date a guy who didnt put her first. I am so proud of her.