The Worst Thing a Friend can Do?

[jillian]

My 2 cents ... I see the word "lie" misused here A LOT. Might want co consider whether or not it is an actual lie, or just a different or misguided belief. If it is in fact a lie, then just back away. No real reason to point it out to that person, is there?

Oh..it's a lie. But that's actually good advice. Nothing would change if it were pointed out anyway.

Hidden meanings, mystery...? come out with it.. we're all friends here...

no hidden meanings. he knows i wasn't referring to anything he ever did. but he was right. and and some point, if someone lies to you about something really fundamental, then there really ISN'T any reason to discuss it with them because it doesn't change anything.

 

[bodecea]

If you are an ignorant, misinformed liberal with no sense of decency or humor, a really good friend will stab you in your neck and bleed you until you are dead.

An excellent reason not to pick far right conservatives as friends.

 

[Big Black Dog]

I had a friend once who had a secret two year affair with my ex-wife before I found out about it. Being deployed a lot in the Navy helped that situation out quite a bit I suppose but never the less, pretty crappy thing to do to anybody, let alone a friend. I don't know which I enjoyed the most. Divorcing the ex-wife or beating his ass. Both things were pretty easy to do.

 

[Big Black Dog]

Let a friend vote Republican.

Right. Because you did so much better with Barrackus of Borg.

Time will tell. History suggests a vote for George W. Bush was bad for business, and everything else.

So, where do you get all of your "historical" information? Bush hasn't even been out of office a year yet and you claim to have this vast knowledge of how history is going to treat George Bush? I think you are full of historical poop.

 

[Ringel05]

What's the worst thing a friend can do to you?

For me it's always been lying, small (white) lies I don't really mind that much. The kind that if you just got a hair cut and you kinda know you look goofy and they say, "ya, looks good", as they turn away and roll their eyes.....

But lie to me about something of importance and your history, in the archives, gone...

Enabling is the worst thing a friend can do. A real friend will tell you if there is an issue and be there to help you out.
Even your best friend will eventually let you down some way or other just as each and every one of us will do to someone else at some point in time, it's inevitable. How we deal with it is what's important, if it's a lie, why did they lie and if the relationship is important, now that the truth is out, can it be mended. If it's a breach of trust, is it a one time thing or a character flaw. If the relationship is important to you then find a way to work through it, if it's not or the other won't cooperate then indeed cut it off.

 

[Lumpy 1]

Oh..it's a lie. But that's actually good advice. Nothing would change if it were pointed out anyway.

Hidden meanings, mystery...? come out with it.. we're all friends here...

no hidden meanings. he knows i wasn't referring to anything he ever did. but he was right. and and some point, if someone lies to you about something really fundamental, then there really ISN'T any reason to discuss it with them because it doesn't change anything.

I suppose that works if you have no contact with them but if you do, doesn't some resolution need to be established, to reset the ground rules?

 

[Gunny]

My 2 cents ... I see the word "lie" misused here A LOT. Might want co consider whether or not it is an actual lie, or just a different or misguided belief. If it is in fact a lie, then just back away. No real reason to point it out to that person, is there?

Oh..it's a lie. But that's actually good advice. Nothing would change if it were pointed out anyway.

Hidden meanings, mystery...? come out with it.. we're all friends here...

Looks pretty straightforward to me. What's the mystery?

 

[Modbert]

Killing you and proceeding to screw around with your wife would probably top the list.

 

[Gunny]

Let a friend vote Republican.

Right. Because you did so much better with Barrackus of Borg.

Time will tell. History suggests a vote for George W. Bush was bad for business, and everything else.

History suggests no such thing except in the minds of hacks.

The topic, btw, is "The Worst Thing a Friend Can Do", not your opinion of the GOP and/or GWB. While not prohibited, lets keep the politicsminimized in this subforum. You got the whole rest of the board to rail against the GOP.

Thanks

 

[Gunny]

Hidden meanings, mystery...? come out with it.. we're all friends here...

no hidden meanings. he knows i wasn't referring to anything he ever did. but he was right. and and some point, if someone lies to you about something really fundamental, then there really ISN'T any reason to discuss it with them because it doesn't change anything.

I suppose that works if you have no contact with them but if you do, doesn't some resolution need to be established, to reset the ground rules?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. If it's a spouse, more than likely. If it's a friend, coworker or acquaintance, you can set the parameters of the relationship without a word.

Just back away and stop including that person as much as you once did. If they push the issue with you, THEN just tell them straight-up. I've done it. You violate trust and I don't give a damn about hurting your feelings anyway. I won't seek you out to tell you about it, but it you ask ...I'm not know much for mincing words.

 

[Gunny]

Killing you and proceeding to screw around with your wife would probably top the list.

If they kill you THEN screw around with your wife, what does the latter matter?

Technically, she'd be a widow anyway.

 

[Lumpy 1]

no hidden meanings. he knows i wasn't referring to anything he ever did. but he was right. and and some point, if someone lies to you about something really fundamental, then there really ISN'T any reason to discuss it with them because it doesn't change anything.

I suppose that works if you have no contact with them but if you do, doesn't some resolution need to be established, to reset the ground rules?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. If it's a spouse, more than likely. If it's a friend, coworker or acquaintance, you can set the parameters of the relationship without a word.

Just back away and stop including that person as much as you once did. If they push the issue with you, THEN just tell them straight-up. I've done it. You violate trust and I don't give a damn about hurting your feelings anyway. I won't seek you out to tell you about it, but it you ask ...I'm not know much for mincing words.

I don't know you well obviously but If someone deliberately wrongs you, somehow, I doubt you wouldn't confront them for the satisfaction of watching them squirm a little and getting them back on the right page for the future. Somewhere in there is honor and integrity, not confronting only causes regrets, hell I have regrets, damn it...

 

[Lumpy 1]

Oh..it's a lie. But that's actually good advice. Nothing would change if it were pointed out anyway.

Hidden meanings, mystery...? come out with it.. we're all friends here...

Looks pretty straightforward to me. What's the mystery?

In retrospect, I made an ass of myself by not placing my thinking cap upon my head and sitting upon it instead........

 

[Luissa]

What's the worst thing a friend can do to you?

For me it's always been lying, small (white) lies I don't really mind that much. The kind that if you just got a hair cut and you kinda know you look goofy and they say, "ya, looks good", as they turn away and roll their eyes.....

But lie to me about something of importance and your history, in the archives, gone...

I have a friend, well she isn't my friend anymore but she says she is pregnant and that she heard the heart beat at 8 weeks which is pretty much impossible. Don't believe she is pregnant because she has lied for years.

 

[goldcatt]

What's the worst thing a friend can do to you?

For me it's always been lying, small (white) lies I don't really mind that much. The kind that if you just got a hair cut and you kinda know you look goofy and they say, "ya, looks good", as they turn away and roll their eyes.....

But lie to me about something of importance and your history, in the archives, gone...

I have a friend, well she isn't my friend anymore but she says she is pregnant and that she heard the heart beat at 8 weeks which is pretty much impossible. Don't believe she is pregnant because she has lied for years.

If she's lied for years why does this matter?

 

[Gunny]

I suppose that works if you have no contact with them but if you do, doesn't some resolution need to be established, to reset the ground rules?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. If it's a spouse, more than likely. If it's a friend, coworker or acquaintance, you can set the parameters of the relationship without a word.

Just back away and stop including that person as much as you once did. If they push the issue with you, THEN just tell them straight-up. I've done it. You violate trust and I don't give a damn about hurting your feelings anyway. I won't seek you out to tell you about it, but it you ask ...I'm not know much for mincing words.

I don't know you well obviously but If someone deliberately wrongs you, somehow, I doubt you wouldn't confront them for the satisfaction of watching them squirm a little and getting them back on the right page for the future. Somewhere in there is honor and integrity, not confronting only causes regrets, hell I have regrets, damn it...

As I mentioned previously, it depends on the circumstances. My response to jillian was based on the circumstance she gave. Response would definitely be commensurate to the deliberate wrong.

If, as you say, it is a deliberate wrong, then that person knows it's wrong and the knowledge that you know and have cut the friendship is enough. Making them squirm requires effort and attention they no longer deserve.

 

[Gunny]

What's the worst thing a friend can do to you?

For me it's always been lying, small (white) lies I don't really mind that much. The kind that if you just got a hair cut and you kinda know you look goofy and they say, "ya, looks good", as they turn away and roll their eyes.....

But lie to me about something of importance and your history, in the archives, gone...

I have a friend, well she isn't my friend anymore but she says she is pregnant and that she heard the heart beat at 8 weeks which is pretty much impossible. Don't believe she is pregnant because she has lied for years.

People like that crave attention. That isn't necessarily what lumpy is talking about as there doesn't appear to be any malice.

Ever just told her she doesn't have to lie to be your friend?

 

[eots]

The worst thing a friend can do is betray your trust.

or get all pissy with you when the perceive you have betrayed their trust

 

[Sarah G]

Let a friend vote Republican.

Yeah, that's pretty bad but another one is letting a friend drink and drive..

 

[Gunny]

The worst thing a friend can do is betray your trust.

or get all pissy with you when the perceive you have betrayed their trust

If the person is reasonable, they'll listen to what you have to say. If you have done nothing, then it doesn't matter.

Then again, who defines trust between two people? It's not always black and white. Assuming trust where none exists is on YOU, not the alleged betrayer.