The Unwanted Philosopher: USA Femme-Fatale

Discussion in 'The Garage' started by Abishai100, May 27, 2018.

  1. Abishai100

    Abishai100 VIP Member

    Sep 22, 2013
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    This is a capitalism-omen inspired by Thank You for Smoking.

    Signing off,


    Angela was a disgruntled Wall Street law firm executive. She quit her job and fashioned herself a vigilante costume and started calling herself 'Black Cat.' Black Cat (Angela) wanted to punish America for its gross negligence of values in this modern age of capitalism-driven ambitions. Black Cat hated how Americans were obsessed with Facebook (the globally popular social networking website) and eBay (the online auctioning site). She decided she would punish capitalism itself.

    BLACK CAT: What about love?
    GOD: Even capitalists have sentiments...
    BLACK CAT: I simply detest capitalist ambitions.
    GOD: There can be refinement even on Wall Street.
    BLACK CAT: Really? What about Enron?
    GOD: Scandals do not erase the yearning for respect!
    BLACK CAT: I'm frustrated with America's moral apathy.
    GOD: If Samsung and Wal-Mart bother you, consider joining a convent.
    BLACK CAT: I'm going to be America's 'femme-fatale.'
    GOD: I suppose you'll lure stockbrokers to your apartment and kill them.
    BLACK CAT: Yes!
    GOD: This is between you and Satan.
    BLACK CAT: Sometimes hell is preferable to purgatory.
    GOD: We'll see...

    Angela (aka, 'Black Cat') was content with her meditative 'conversation' with God at a Catholic church. She set about to become America's 'femme-fatale' just as she told God she would! Black Cat lured stockbrokers to her apartment and then dressed up in her sexy costume (and her 'stockbroker courtesans' would think it was all foreplay) before murdering them. Black Cat killed 10 stockbrokers in just one summer. She then converted to Satanism. Black Cat was the ultimate femme-fatale, but she worried that she was simply an 'unwanted philosopher' so she began a new meditative metaphysics conversation...this time with the Devil.

    BLACK CAT: This is all very fun...
    SATAN: You're a 'femme-fatale.'
    BLACK CAT: Am I an unwanted philosopher?
    SATAN: You might consider yourself a 'Machiavellian.'
    BLACK CAT: I like Machiavelli for his precise approach to pragmatism.
    SATAN: Your cynicism makes you sentimental towards Communism.
    BLACK CAT: I'm merely an anarchist (I think).
    SATAN: You don't appreciate capitalism-culture (which is natural).
    BLACK CAT: What should I do?
    SATAN: I want you to retreat to the Himalayas and write poetry.
    BLACK CAT: The cops will never catch me...that's just what I'll do!
    SATAN: Write poems about the darkness of capitalism, Angela.
    BLACK CAT: I can't wait.
    SATAN: Best wishes!

    Angela (aka, 'Black Cat') retreated to the Himalayas and remained there for the rest of her days, writing poems about the darkness of capitalism. The authorities never apprehended her, and Black Cat remained a staunch anarchist and defender of capitalism-criticisms. She decided she was not really an 'unwanted philosopher' or an 'American psycho' but rather a 'Machiavellian angel.' Black Cat would be remembered by God and Satan as a messenger of fury. Would capitalism benefit from the 'ugly shadow' she cast over America (and the modern world)?


  2. abrere

    abrere BANNED

    May 28, 2018
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    the govt might be unable to find her, but the fat cats would put such a high bounty on her head that she'd be found within a month.

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