The Three Bears Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived three bears. And one fine day they decided to take a walk in the woods. While they were gone Goldman-Locks broke into their cottage and began to work her wicked mischief. When the three bears returned, Obama-bear said: Somebody has been leveraging my porridge 30 to 1. Geithner-bear said: Somebody has marked my porridge to market and now its nearly worthless. Bernanke-bear said: Somebody used my porridge to make ethanol, and now I have nothing to eat. Looking about the room, Obama-bear said: Somebody has been sitting in my chair making promises to China. Maybe it was Hillary-bear, offered Bernanke-bear. No, the butt prints are too small, Obama-bear observed. Geithner-bear said: Somebody has been sitting in my chair squandering trillions of dollars. Bernanke-bear said: Somebody has been sitting in my chair printing counterfeit money. Oh wait, never mind, that was me. Walking into the bedroom, Obama-bear said: Somebody has been dividing my bed into tranches and selling it to foreigners. Geithner-bear said: Somebody took all the equity out of my bed, and now I have only bare boards to sleep on. Bernanke-bear said: Somebody slapped a foreclosure lien on my bed, and look shes still in it. At that, the three bears attempted to seize Goldman-Locks, but she was too fast and slippery for them. After a futile and tiring chase, they finally agreed to give her everything they owned and everything all the other bears owned. And that is why bears today are all homeless and eating out of dumpsters. Next week: The wolf and the three pork barrel pigs strike a deal.