Seth Meyers' Opening Lines

[Wyatt earp]

On the recent sexual misconduct scandals
“Good evening, ladies and remaining gentlemen.”

“There’s a new era under way. I can tell because it’s been this long since a white man has been nervous in Hollywood.”

“It’s time to address the elephant not in the room: Harvey Weinstein is not in the room tonight. I’ve heard rumours he’s crazy and difficult to work with. He’ll be back in 20 years when he’s the first person booed during the In Memoriam.”

For the men in the room, this will be the first time in three months where it won’t be terrifying to hear your name read out loud.”

On James Franco
“If you haven’t seen The Deuce, it’s about Times Square in the ’70s when New York was so seedy there were two James Francos.”


On a woman not being the host
“If it’s any consolation, I’m a man with absolutely no power in Hollywood. I’m not even the most powerful Seth in the room tonight [points at Seth Rogen]. Hey, remember when he was the one causing trouble with North Korea? Simpler times.”

“They tried to get a woman to host this show, they really did. They said, ‘Hey, how’d you like to come and be judged by some of the most powerful people in Hollywood?’ And they said, ‘Hm, where is it?’ And they said, ‘It’s at a hotel.’ Long story short, I’m your host tonight.”

On Donald Trump
“We’re here tonight courtesy of the Hollywood Foreign Press — a string of three words that could not be better designed to infuriate our president. Hollywood. Foreign. Press. The only name that could make him angrier is the Hillary Mexico Salad Association.”


Read more at The best opening lines from Seth Meyers' Golden Globes opening monologue - NME

I take it you got your news of the day huh, parrot.

 

[Intolerant]

Who is Seth Meyers and who gives a fuck.

 

[Snouter]

^^ didn't get Seth's joke.
How funny is that!

Uhhh, Meyers, a no talent Jewish person was obviously implying the Jewish, pedophile homosexuals and rapists in Hollywood who run the movie studios were White people and the he was nervous as a Jewish, well in this case, White person. Please explain a different interpretation.

 

[Reasonable]

One of Seth's regular shows talking about Trump.

Here he plays clips of Trump educating the world that Puerto Rico is an island!
Who knew?

And of course himattacking the San Juan mayor because he's not happy unless he's attacking someone.
Funny as hell. Check it out.




Bump for the humorless semen stains, the DEPLORABLES.

 

[Reasonable]

^^ didn't get Seth's joke.
How funny is that!

Uhhh, Meyers, a no talent Jewish person was obviously implying the Jewish, pedophile homosexuals and rapists in Hollywood who run the movie studios were White people and the he was nervous as a Jewish, well in this case, White person. Please explain a different interpretation.

Did you know Puerto Rico is an island?
The things we learn from this president..

 

[Snouter]

Reasonable, did you really graduate from a New Jersey high school? No offense, but you seem like you never took the SATS.

 

[PredFan]

The only awards show I want to see is Trump's fake news awards tonight.

 

[PredFan]

This is why leftists say such stupid shit. They get their politics from comedians and think it's real and poignant.

 

[usmbguest5318]

“If you haven’t seen The Deuce, it’s about Times Square in the ’70s when New York was so seedy there were two James Francos.”

I would love to know precisely what tacit meaning, if any, Meyers had in mind when he said that. What was the audience's response to that line?

 

[NoNukes]

Seth Meyers is proof positive that you can go far with no talent. All that is required? Great fellatio skills!!! You could put his comedic attributes on the left hand side of a sesame seed. I would rather have my eyes poked out than be forced to watch that unfunny sack of shit,

He is actually very smart and really funny. So, what does that make you.

 

[PredFan]

Seth Meyers is proof positive that you can go far with no talent. All that is required? Great fellatio skills!!! You could put his comedic attributes on the left hand side of a sesame seed. I would rather have my eyes poked out than be forced to watch that unfunny sack of shit,

He is actually very smart and really funny. So, what does that make you.

I only vaguely have the sense that I've heard of him. If he actually was funny, I'd have heard of him.

 

[harmonica]

Seth Meyers is proof positive that you can go far with no talent. All that is required? Great fellatio skills!!! You could put his comedic attributes on the left hand side of a sesame seed. I would rather have my eyes poked out than be forced to watch that unfunny sack of shit,

Yet millions do every night. And he positively skewers trump every night. Castigates him. Emasculates him.
Trump makes it so soo easy with his daily buffoon act.
The one thing Trump has been successful at is creating great material for comedians everywhere.

Dope in chief: I'm going to lose a lot of money on this tax bill.
Dale: I'm sure you are . I believe you massa.

millions followed hitler also..and Stalin...
hundreds followed Jim Jones to death
just because millions love him, doesn't mean he's not an idiot
...he's like these comedians that have to use sex and foul language = they can't come up with something original

 

[CrusaderFrank]

On the recent sexual misconduct scandals
“Good evening, ladies and remaining gentlemen.”

“There’s a new era under way. I can tell because it’s been this long since a white man has been nervous in Hollywood.”

“It’s time to address the elephant not in the room: Harvey Weinstein is not in the room tonight. I’ve heard rumours he’s crazy and difficult to work with. He’ll be back in 20 years when he’s the first person booed during the In Memoriam.”

For the men in the room, this will be the first time in three months where it won’t be terrifying to hear your name read out loud.”

On James Franco
“If you haven’t seen The Deuce, it’s about Times Square in the ’70s when New York was so seedy there were two James Francos.”


On a woman not being the host
“If it’s any consolation, I’m a man with absolutely no power in Hollywood. I’m not even the most powerful Seth in the room tonight [points at Seth Rogen]. Hey, remember when he was the one causing trouble with North Korea? Simpler times.”

“They tried to get a woman to host this show, they really did. They said, ‘Hey, how’d you like to come and be judged by some of the most powerful people in Hollywood?’ And they said, ‘Hm, where is it?’ And they said, ‘It’s at a hotel.’ Long story short, I’m your host tonight.”

On Donald Trump
“We’re here tonight courtesy of the Hollywood Foreign Press — a string of three words that could not be better designed to infuriate our president. Hollywood. Foreign. Press. The only name that could make him angrier is the Hillary Mexico Salad Association.”


Read more at The best opening lines from Seth Meyers' Golden Globes opening monologue - NME

2 James Francos? What?

 

[dannyboys]

^^ didn't get Seth's joke.
How funny is that!

Uhhh, Meyers, a no talent Jewish person was obviously implying the Jewish, pedophile homosexuals and rapists in Hollywood who run the movie studios were White people and the he was nervous as a Jewish, well in this case, White person. Please explain a different interpretation.

Did you know Puerto Rico is an island?
The things we learn from this president..

This is YOUR LIB hero:

 

[Indeependent]

Jokes!
That’s all!
Just jokes!
Relax!

 

[Indeependent]

Is Francos a verb?

 

[NoNukes]

Seth Meyers is proof positive that you can go far with no talent. All that is required? Great fellatio skills!!! You could put his comedic attributes on the left hand side of a sesame seed. I would rather have my eyes poked out than be forced to watch that unfunny sack of shit,

He is actually very smart and really funny. So, what does that make you.

I only vaguely have the sense that I've heard of him. If he actually was funny, I'd have heard of him.

He was on Saturday Night Live and he has his own late night chat show. Obviously this got past you.

 

[Rustic]

Seth Meyers is proof positive that you can go far with no talent. All that is required? Great fellatio skills!!! You could put his comedic attributes on the left hand side of a sesame seed. I would rather have my eyes poked out than be forced to watch that unfunny sack of shit,

Yet millions do every night. And he positively skewers trump every night. Castigates him. Emasculates him.
Trump makes it so soo easy with his daily buffoon act.
The one thing Trump has been successful at is creating great material for comedians everywhere.

Dope in chief: I'm going to lose a lot of money on this tax bill.
Dale: I'm sure you are . I believe you massa.

millions followed hitler also..and Stalin...
hundreds followed Jim Jones to death
just because millions love him, doesn't mean he's not an idiot
...he's like these comedians that have to use sex and foul language = they can't come up with something original

Just look obama a half white shit stain, Never had a real job in his life

 

[C_Clayton_Jones]

Trump is a joke, the laughingstock of the world and nation - everyone is aware of that, save for a few blind partisan Trump sycophants.

 

[Aba Incieni]

I had heard of Meyers, but never seen him or his humor. He comes off as a creepy little weasel, at least in the blurbs. I don't believe anyone watched the show or knew any of the winners. TV is less popular than the NFL.