Sentences You'll Never Hear

Discussion in 'Humor' started by 5stringJeff, Jun 21, 2004.

  1. 5stringJeff
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    5stringJeff Senior Member

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    This is an interactive humor thread. Everyone gets to participate.

    Post a (funny) sentence that you'd never hear.

    Example (from George Carlin): "Right after I stick this hot poker in my ass, I'm gonna cut my penis off!"
     
  2. nycflasher
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    nycflasher Active Member

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    Going up against George Carlin in this regard is like saying, "See how far you can hit the ball" just after Griffey or Bonds knocks one out of the stadium...:rolleyes:

    I can't top that, but I'll try...:D
     
  3. nycflasher
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    nycflasher Active Member

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    "Whenever I watch T.V. and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
     
  4. 5stringJeff
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    5stringJeff Senior Member

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    Sorry! :D
    Here's one for you:

    "You know, there's just not enough Barry Manilow on the radio these days."
     
  5. nycflasher
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    nycflasher Active Member

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    ha-ha
    good one :D
     
  6. Hobbit
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    Hobbit Senior Member

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    [Insert politician] is really sticking to his values, despite being contrary to the majority of the voting public.

    [Insert politician] supports [issue] despite his party's stance.

    Just a many Republicans voted on each side of this issue as Democrats.
     
  7. musicman
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    musicman Senior Member

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    The Porsche belongs to the banjo player.
     
  8. NewGuy
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    NewGuy Guest

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    1. "I DID inhale."

    2. "I know what the definition of "is" is."

    3. "Exactly right. Christians and muslims DON't worship the same God. I was wrong, I apologize, and I have done our Constitution wrong with the Patriot act. I resign."

    4. "As (official,judge,president,etc.) according to the Constitution, I am to hold my office only in the event of "good behavior" and in not comitting "high crimes" nor "misdemeanors". I have violated that, and I assume responsibility and I resign."

    I could go on......
     
  9. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    on an airline, waiting in line to take off..

    "There's another plane on the tarmac (sp?) just ahead of us...you think I should try and beat him to it?"
     
  10. lilcountriegal
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    lilcountriegal Senior Member

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    From a Police Officer:

    "No, no... it's your birthday. Let me blow into the machine for you"
     

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