Before reading this, you should be aware that the Scots have a ferocious reputation for being very, very careful with their money. In other words they're fucking tightwads. A Scottish Soldier in full dress uniform marches into a drug store. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom. the condom, obviously very old, has a number of patches on it. The soldier hands the condom over to the chemist. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically. How much to repair it? the Scot asks the pharmacist. Six pence, says the pharmacist. How much for a new one? Ten pence,says the pharmacist. The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging. A moment or two later the pharmacist hears a great moan go up outside, followed by an even greater roar. The Scottish soldier marches back into the drug store and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face. The regiment has taken a vote, he says. Well have a new one.